:: The Single Girl's Guide :: Imogen Lloyd Webber

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Imogen LLoyd Webber
Photo: John Swannell
Stylist: Martha Ward
Make-up: Kathinka Warre
Dress: Temperly

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Hi Imogen, I've recently found out that my little brother has been cheating on his wife and I just don't know what to do. His wife has confided in our mum that he has been cheating on her before they married and 10 days afterwards. She was carrying his baby at the time and he would cause arguments to justify running out to be with this other woman who is also married. My sister in law told my mum on the condition that she wouldn't say anything to my brother and mum is in pieces about it having been cheated on herself by her horrible ex. This is what makes it harder - the fact my brother has seen the pain that affairs can cause and he does this to a girl who he is meant to love. His wife is 19 years old with a new born baby and I can't help but feel so horrible for the pain my brother has caused her. To make it worse he is in the army and they live on the camp where everyone knows what's happened. She's hurt humiliated and I can't even talk to my brother to make him see sense because we're not meant to know. Any advice on what I can do to help her? Thank you xx Tammy, 27, England
Tammy - first of all, being there for your sister-in-law is vital and both you and your mum are being amazing about supporting her. I do, however, think you should seriously consider sitting down with your brother and if not at least addressing this issue directly, allowing him the opportunity to talk to you about it and open up. Ask him a few leading questions ("there are rumours that I thought you might know about..."). If everyone at the camp is aware of the situation then the information could have reached you via another source. There are 2 sides to every story, he is your flesh and blood and it is important to listen to what he has to say. If his marriage is doomed then it is important to try and keep it as amicable as possible for the sake of your Mum's grandchild. Take care, Ix

I'm 20 years old and I still haven't been in a relationship - I still haven't met the correct person. I've had a few crushes but I'm someone who doesn't like to give myself too much. Even if I like someone I pretend that I don't. One of my guy friends said that guys are scared to ask me out. Now I feel like I'll never find anybody. hanna, 20, SL
There's nothing wrong with being 20 and not having been in a relationship - it is hard and a big risk to let people in. So don't worry about that, but for the moment focus on you and your friendships. Work on opening up to your girlfriends and your guy friends so you can build up your trust with people. When you have really let your friends in, there will be a time when you can let someone in romantically and your friends will be there to support and advise you through the process.

Recently my boyfriend left me and within the same week I was fired from my job. I feel like a failure. I fear I will not find new job. Also is it acceptable to date my ex's close friend, who's just asked me out?x Aleksandra, 26, London
Alex, sorry about your ex and your job. With great crisis always comes great opportunity. This is the moment to focus on you - no need to rebound into any relationship, especially one with a friend of your ex - who knows what his motivations are? Delete - for now - your ex and his friends out of your life and concentrate on finding a new job. Ask for advice on your CV, covering letters and so forth. Once that part of your life is resolved, make sure you are happy in your own skin single, before jumping into another relationship. Take care - this is your moment for you.

I thoroughly enjoy your appearances on Red Eye and wish you the best in your career. Mike Wrathell, 49, Metro Detroit, USA
Thank you!

I went out with this boy when I was 14 and he was my first true love. Things ended well, but I always had a soft spot for him. Recently we both came out of relationships and hooked up. He used me and I'm finding it so hard to take my mind off of things. I was constantly checking his facebook, so I deleted him..I feel so ashamed and stupid....x Felicia Samuels, 18, Essex
Felicia, you should feel neither ashamed or stupid - he should. I'm so sorry - he has behaved in an unforgivable way. You did absolutely the right thing deleting him off your Facebook. It is completely understandable why you hooked up with him, so please don't beat yourself up. He deserves no more of your emotional energy so now is time to focus on you. Your friends, your work, anything that makes you feel good about yourself - whether it be wearing high heels or going to the gym! Someone who deserves you and is emotionally ready will come into your life. Take care, x

Dear Imo, Just been dumped by the love of my life and it has scared me off ever dating again. My boss wants to fire me. How do I get over a break up and find the strength to look for new job? B x B, 25, London
I'm so sorry you're hurting - I truly know and understand how painful this all is. Have a read of my book, which is all about celebrating being single - how to get over a break up and how to excel at work. Hang on in there - it's a cliche but time does heal. From great crisis always comes great opportunity. You will find a better job and a man worthy of you. Ix

I've just finished a history MA which has been great, but I can't find any decent jobs anywhere. I'm stuck in a boring underpaid job which I fear is harming my career - although admittedly I don't know what it is I want to do. I have lots of experience and apply for lots of things but haven't found anything else. It's very disheartening! Are there any tips or wonderful websites I'm missing out on or something?! V, 26, Richmond
First of all congrats on the MA. I do talk about finding a new job in the first chapter of my book so maybe take a look at that. You're doing exactly the right thing in keeping your job while looking for a new one. It's always easier to get a new job if you already have one. Keep on applying - I must have sent out 3 figures worth of application forms while doing a job I loathed to get a job I loved. I do know it's disheartening but hang on in there. It sounds like part of the problem may be that you don't know what you want to do, so if possible try to do some unpaid hours here and there in different jobs so you can realise where your passions lie. The way in now is often work experience and networking. Good luck!

Hi Imogen! I just wanted to inform you that I've read & reviewed your book for the Clark County Library in Las Vegas. Here's the review: May 26 2010 This book from Imogen Lioyd Webber (not to be confused with the musical man)is a breath of fresh air. I only have 2 questions: 1-Where was this book 20 years ago when I needed it? 2- Where is the male counterpart to this book? Very smartly written by a Cambridge educated Brit & very much in line for those single ladies that want to get ahead in life without spending most of it on her back on the proverbial casting couch. Entertaining & well worth spending the $17.95 to refer to over & over again. Tommy Tommy Tobin, 43, Las Vegas, Nevada!
Thank you so much!

I've been with my boyfriend for a month and I'm not sure if I should break up with him. He does not call me or text me, except about meeting up which is only once a fortnight. This situation is breaking my heart. Shall I forget about him?I xxx I, 26, London
In short: yes. Ditch him and move on. He's making you unhappy, you've hardly seen him since you've started dating him. Delete him from your life and go out and have some single girl fun (I spend 6 chapters not mentioning men in my book - just all the great things you can do when you're single). Best, Imogen

Hi Imogen! I just saw you on an episode of Red Eye. You are one beautiful lady! I don't mean to be so straigth-forward (actually, I do), but I just can't help but compliment an attractive female when I see one. Good luck in all you do! Israel, 44, Chicago
Er... thank you?!

I'm a guy, but I think I need some girl advice here... I met a girl a year and a half ago, whom I fell for utterly. I thought we had chemistry and that she was single but it turned out she had a boyfriend. She then said she was moving to NY. However, I felt a great deal for her and offered to move to NY with her. She replied that she was committed to her BF, and was quite kind in doing so. She's emailed me more recently again to tell me that she is now married. What do I write back? Should she be writing to me at all? t, 42, Melbourne
T - thank you for your message, which I've had to edit a little because of space. I don't think you need to write back at all. Whatever chemistry was there in the beginning, she's moved on, has got married and you need to move on too. Focus on your work, maybe take a course in something you're interested in so you meet new people. Many of my close friends have had huge success Internet dating. Close the door to her and open up your heart to meeting someone new. All best, Imogen

I don't have a question but a comment. I never watch Bill O'Reilly; his 'act' is getting old and I find him smarmy, not very bright, and dishonest. But, I just saw you stand up to his attempt at bullying you toward his anti-woman, racist tirade regarding France banning Muslim women from wearing the "veil." Bravo. He didn't hear a word you said, but you showed real heart in saying what you did. Thank you. James, , Arizona
Thank you James and to the kind words on my message board last night. All best, Imogen

I’ve met this guy, who is so very sweet, genuine and likable and I really fancy him. Even my Mum thinks he’s nice! Trouble is he is very very shy, and although I pretty much know he likes me, he hasn’t made a move, despite the many hints I’ve given him. How do you get through to shy guys, will he ever get it? Or are they not worth the effort? L, 28, London
L - you have just met the perfect man by the sounds of things. Shy guys are absolutely worth the effort. Start talking to him about a movie you would like to see/bar your would like to try/restaurant you would like to sample. If he's still being reticent then suggest you go together. Make sure the evening involves alcohol and get tactile. Not leap on him tactile but touch his arm/hand a lot in conversation. Then just see... Good luck! x

I'd been seeing this guy on and off for a few months, then wanted to clarify how we stood and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Unfortunately he still acts as before and in the past week we haven't even spoken on the phone. Shall I confront him about his behaviour or just ditch him? I've been single nearly 2 years and felt excited. But this is painful and affects my work. I do not feel like I have boyfriend - he goes out to parties by himself and travels. I don't have friends to go out with.S x S, 26, London
S - the most important thing you said in that message was the last sentence. That you don't have friends to go out with. Take the man out of the equation for a minute and think about this one. Men come and go, but friends make the world go round. So, it's worth building some activities in your life that give you the opportunity to increase your friendship group. Join some classes - it can be acting, cocktail making (check out hotcourses.com). Focus on building your own life. As for the man, he obviously likes you enough to call you his girlfriend, so suggest that you arrange to do some stuff together. Not everything, as you have your own life - your work and you will have your new friends, but some things together. If it's not working down the line, then leave. It's a huge pressure on him if you don't have any friends to go out or travel with so make working on your social life your priority for now. The more independent you are the more time he will want to spend with you - men are contrary like that. Take care, Ix

Dear Imo, My name is Daniela and I'm writing to you from Italy. I have just ordered your book LA MERAVIGLIOSA VITA DELLE SINGLE. Is this book the Italian version of THE SINGLE GIRL'S GUIDE or is it another book you wrote? kisses and hugs, Daniela Daniela, 25, italy
Daniela - it is the Italian version of my Single Girl's Guide book! I do hope you enjoy it... Ix

I wonder if you could answer one of life's toughest questions, how can a guy tell if a girl likes him (beyond her being polite)?? I've been told that I am/can be good company. The last date was after she asked me - she knew I wasn't going to see her signals! All talk and no trousers jokes aside, what are these all important "signals" that guys need to try to look for... A, 30, UK
The best thing to do is probably to talk to your friends, male and female, to see what you're doing wrong. I also think you should have a read of Chapter Six of my book (my guy friends ordered it on Amazon as I can understand how they don't want to be seen buying a pink book). But, basically, if a girl gives you an "in" by telling you how to contact her - Facebook, Twitter, her business card, etc., she's interested. Have a bit of a banter via email/Facebook/Tweeting - if she's interested she'll reply. Steer the conversation around to something you might both enjoy doing - a movie, skydiving, a new bar that's just opened up and take it from there! Good luck, Imogen

I met this guy online and we clicked. We talked on the phone for two weeks, 7 hours a day. But two days ago he stopped calling me and started texting me. He told me that he has never had a connection with someone like me before and had told his friends and family about me. He also said he may come and visit - we live two hours from each other. I am really into him and want to see him - how can I get him to visit? kendie, 25, houston,tx
Kendie - a few things here. First of all, meeting someone online can be very dangerous. There are some real nutters out there. People can so easily pretend to be something they're not - from how they look to their age to whether they're married or not. So first of all, be very careful. Now, in a real relationship in the real world, nobody can speak to anyone as long as you two did for an extended length of time, so it's to be expected that he's stepped down the intensity. You need to take a step back too as well. If this guy is the real deal, single and who he says he is, he will suggest meeting you. If he does so, make sure you do so in a public place in day time, tell your friends and family what you are doing and preferably take someone along with you. If you don't hear from him or he doesn't bring up meeting up and make concrete plans, it's because in the real world, not his virtual world, he has another life and likely with another woman. Take care and look after yourself.

I've been seeing this guy for over a month and things had been going well - he even hinted we could be a couple. Now, after we got intimate he isn't talking to me and has only referred to me as his "friend" to his friends. I'm really sad, I can't concentrate on my new job or my exams. I can't figure out why he did this and it hurts. x E, 25, London
MEN. They can be such a nightmare, I'm so sorry. The first thing is don't beat yourself up about this - you enjoyed (some) of the time you had with him. Now it's about focusing on you. Delete him from your mobile phone, de-friend him if he's on your Facebook page and move on. (There's nothing anybody hates more than being ignored and that's all he deserves). Focus on your new job, your exams, making and going out with your friends, enjoying your life without having a man to worry about. Next time a guy comes in, wait until you do anything too physical with him - tell him he has to be your boyfriend for that. If he waits he's a good guy, if he goes, you're better off without him and no big harm or hurt done like this time. Take care. x

I've been in a relationship for almost 3 years and now my boyfriend is moving with his family to Cyprus. We don't know if we can keep our relationship if we live in different places and I am scared of losing him forever. I've never been alone in my life. My friends tell me that I have to forget him because we will never be together again,but I can't. Do you think he will forget all about me when he starts his new life there? Should I start dating other guys so I don't feel alone? Help! Christiana, 20, Bucharest
Long distance relationships are really hard. You both have to be 110% committed to making it work and it sounds like that's not the case. So, it's better to say goodbye and move on. Of course it will hurt and you will miss him, but you will always have a special place in each other's lives. Yes, you will feel sad, BUT the good news is you are young and there are so many amazing things you can do when you're single. In my book I don't even mention men for SIX chapters. Go out, have fun with your friends, do all the things you've ever dreamed of doing. Focus on your work, where you live, take up a hobby you've always wanted to do. Being single is an incredible opportunity - you get to be selfish, to make you "number one" for a time. New men will come into your life but for now focus on you and embrace the "me time" with open arms. Take care, x

Is there really someone out there for everyone? Having been single for longer than I can remember, I am starting to doubt whether there is anyone out there for me at all. Most of my friends are happily married, yet I always seem to be anonymous to the opposite sex and am seldom noticed at all. Can someone really be destined to remain alone? R, 30, UK
R - no one is destined for anything. We do, however, have to take charge of our own destiny. First of all, don't compare yourself to any of your friends. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors and you can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you can ever be when you're single. Just because there's a ring on their finger doesn't mean their life is complete - 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce. Focus on your work, on making yourself as confident with your body as you can be - have a makeover, go to the gym, whatever suits. And sit down with some girlfriends and "platonic boyfriends" if you have them and talk. See if they think you're putting barriers up. You need to put yourself "in harm's way" of men. Go out, have fun, take up a class in something you've always wanted to do, maybe even join a reputable dating site. Just make sure you're not hanging out with the same people doing the same things as you've always done. Expand your social circle and you up your chances of letting light into your life. Also, do keep in mind that if men see a girl wanting something "serious" straight away, they'll run away. So keep coy, enjoy what they offer you straight off - platonic company with a flirtatious edge. There's no need to kiss or do anything with them, but by meeting new blood and their circles, you will be changing your destiny. And then... see what happens. One of them will suddenly realise that they may just want a "proper" girlfriend after all or a girl you meet will matchmake you with one of her friends. Just remember to enjoy life while you're on the way. It's there to be lived and you really are very young. Take care, Ix

My mother is always telling me "you have to get married to survive, you have to share your life with someone, you need to marry for good health insurance and another person's income". I don't want to be married - I can hardly even stand the thought of a relationship. From what you have observed, is it true that being married makes life easier or better? Ivy, 17, USA
Ivy, first of all, you are 17. Marriage shouldn't be on your agenda for 10, 15, 20 years. So don't worry! Also know that if you marry someone for health insurance or their income, you will be intrinsically unhappy, as will they. You can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be when you're single. The right relationship can be incredible, but it must be built on friendship, love and mutual respect - never a bank balance. Take care and focus on working hard and enjoying the whole life you have in front of you. We're modern women, we can have our own healthcare and income! Take care, Ix

Hello Imogen, I went away for a week with 2 single girlfriends of mine. I met a great guy there and we had the chance to spend two nights together. He lives out of my province, but I totally fell for him. We exchanged contacts and I sent him a message. However, his response was somewhat disappointing as it was short and simple. I know the possibility of things working out is pretty impossible because of the distance. How can I learn to not fall too hard for someone too quickly? I am so confused because a girls' getaway is not supposed to leave you heartbroken.. I had so much fun and went with my heart and it only led me to this confusion. R, 22, Canada
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He met you, thought you were great and had some fun thinking that was it. You met him, thought he was great - and that it could be the start of something. I hope you had some fun along the way. Leave him be, don't contact him and instead concentrate on doing what you were doing - fun things with your girlfriends. Next time you meet a guy take it slow and always keep in mind that vacation romances rarely work. Take care and don't beat yourself up about it. You do now know when you're not looking for anything and are happy being on your own is the minute men appear in your world. Ix

How can you be so thoroughly gorgeous, and funny and obviously intelligent and still be single... surely not still?! Thank you for the glossary of terms which made me laugh out loud. Zara , 33, Oxford
Thanks for your lovely message - put a big smile on my face!! :)

I'm working on a novel about love and have got writer's block. I don't know what else do write about. I'm also a single girl who is the last friend in my friend circle to get married...what's wrong with me? Kelly, 23, Arizona
You are 23 years old. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FRIENDS?!!! I do not know ONE of my friends who got married so young who isn't now getting a divorce. Put the novel in a drawer for now and concentrate on finding some new friends to go out and have fun with. Take a course - I'm sure that there's a creative writing one that's not too expensive at your local community center. Or take a class in something you've always wanted to do - tap dancing, spin cycling, anything. You will meet like minded people who you can play with. Women, women who are friends with men, men... And you know what, when you've sorted that part of your life, you will have so much more to write about and you can take that up again...

I've managed not to answer my negative younger ex's calls for a week or see him. However when I'm at night home alone, I find myself crying. What do I say to him if I bump into him? He only lives 15 minutes away so I think it's inevitable. Valentine's Day is adding to my misery! Eva, 25, London
First of all, congratulations. Keep strong. Time really does heal. Valentine's day is a nightmare for so many, but even if you're in a relationship the 14th Feb is normally a let down. DON'T CONTACT HIM THIS WEEK. Many women are tempted but it is ALWAYS an error in February! Also, panic not - it's not necessarily inevitable that you will bump into him - 15 minutes is quite a distance. If you do see him be friendly but distant, don't suggest meeting up and get on your way quickly. If he says he wants to see you properly say that you are healing, need space and that you will be in touch if and when you feel you can cope with having him back in your world as a friend. Take care and good luck!

I work for a temp service and work at this company a few times a year. Last year, I became attracted to a permanent male employee. He did not wear a ring, was good-looking but a loner and a computer nerd. Although there was flirtation, nothing really happened. Although I am not putting my life on hold and have other things that keep me busy, I am not sure how to react to him once I go back to this job. Jania, 40, USA
Jania - thanks for your message, which I had to edit a little because of space. If a man, especially a 40 something man as in your longer message you told me he was, wants you, he will come and get you... with a little encouragement. He hasn't yet and he has been encouraged. You need to focus on you and be open to meeting someone else. If you go back to the job be friendly, allow him a way in. You don't know if he currently has anyone, he doesn't know if you do. If he's interested he will make a move. If not, then just focus on going out with your friends and perhaps take a course in something you've always wanted to do. You never know who you might meet!

Hello Imogen, I love the book. My ex and I have been over for 3 years now, yet he still randomly texts or just calls me. He's with someone and they have a child together so I feel uncomfortable with him telling me he loves me.He knows that it annoys me so what on earth does he want? Anna, 23, Australia
Men. Honestly. They think that maybe, just maybe, the grass is greener but will never actually make the move. And, since he has a new partner and child, it would be wrong for him to do so. Tell him that you never want to hear from him again as it is unfair on all concerned and delete him from your phone and your life. You will then be open to meeting someone new and he will have to focus on doing what he should - being a good father and partner. Take care, Anna - you deserve better.

Hi Imogen,I love the book and have been reading it constantly, especially when I'm feeling down. I have been seeing this younger guy for 4 months. At the beginning we saw each other nearly every day, then he got a job working nearly all the time and he stopped making any effort with me. Another issue is that his culture and religion is different from mine and I know my family would forbid our relationship. Shall I look for somebody else to move on? I don’t know how to heal and get on with studies ,work and life. Feel down as Valentines around the corner. Thanks. x Eva, 25, London
Eva, thanks for your note, which I had to edit for space. You need to go "cold turkey" and not see, speak or text him for a while. He's younger, he will have moved on, added to which, you said it yourself - long term the relationship is never going to happen. You therefore need to allow yourself some time to get over him. If he asks why you are walking away, explain why. You need space. Throw yourself into your work and studies, take up something you've always wanted to do, whether it be Salsa or Skydiving and keep busy busy busy. At that point, someone else will be attracted to you and come back into your world. As for February 14th - I hate it too, but even if you are attached it is normally a let down. It's just a silly day - ignore as much as you can... and Feb 15th is always one of the best days of the year and something to look forward to!x

Saw you on Red Eye, figured I'd ask your advice despite the Y Chromosome. I met a girl that I was planning on dating. However we were both gone for Christmas and so we haven't met up just yet. Finally, I wrote her a letter that said basically, "Don't let bad timing ruin at least a CHANCE between us". I didn't think she'd go for it, but she did. I told her I'd meet her as soon as I got home. She said that was fine, she was going to be gone too. Come to find out we'd be in the same different city! I ask her then if she wants to meet up. She does. We make all these plans for the night and literally five minutes before we're supposed to meet she texts me, "My mom was in a wreck, I can't come". Of course it's a lie. I know this, everyone with four brain cells does as well. My question to you though is, even though I try and keep the people who like, lie and cheat on me to a minimum, I still want to see her. What should I do next? We're both back in our original town. Give me some help, please! Best wishes, M Mike, 28, Aspen, Colorado
It might not be a lie - you have to be a pretty sick person to use something so serious as an excuse. If it is a lie, you definitely don't want to go near this girl. If it's the truth, you do. Leave it to the end of the week, drop her a text and ask "how's your Mom". If she doesn't reply she's a liar and not interested. If she sends a text without a question back, she's a polite liar who's not interested. And if she's the real deal she'll tell you how her Mom is and ask how your New Year was. You reply, suggest meeting up and you have a new date in the diary. Just a thought...

I dated a guy for almost 6 years and we broke up about 9 months ago, which was great because we didn't want the same things. Only problem is, I can't stop thinking about it, him, and all the people he's probably hooking up with! I have been with a couple of people but it only makes me feel worse. I have a great network of friends, but since I haven't talked about him in about six months, nobody has any idea I still think of him because I find it really embarrassing. Also, I could wail about it to them for hours but they wouldn't be able to help. I don't even want to get back together with him because I know it would end badly again, but why am I still lamenting this whole thing? What should I do? partlythere, 24, Australia
You are doing absolutely the right thing already. It is only natural that you think of him - you spent years where he was at the centre of your universe. But you are young and it wasn't right, so you did the right thing by moving on. Try not to torture yourself with thoughts about what - or who - he's up to. You don't know what's going on inside his head even if he's with someone. Instead, keep focusing on you. Throw yourself into work, on hanging out with your friends and perhaps do something this first quarter of the year that you've never done before - skydiving, salsa, whatever. Cliches are cliches for a reason - time will heal this wound. Take care, x

Hi Imo! What a great site:) Will defo have to get the book now:) I have 2 queries really so am cheating:) I want to go away somewhere for a 3 night break, somewhere cheap but with nice hotels and relatively warm in March - can you suggest anywhere which would be safe for a single lady traveller? Also I met a bloke a while back - on paper he is perfect and mentally we 'connect' and get on so well but even though he fancies me, I just don't fancy him. It's so frustrating as he is everything I always wanted my ex to be / do - it's just he's not particularly fanciable and I don't have an urge to snog his face off! Shall I give it a try and see if love follows the head (or shall I just be good friends, which he is happy with). Heachy:), 30, Lancashire
Thanks for your message! I'm a great believer in spa breaks when I go away alone. There are some good ones in Italy and Spain so have some fun Googling them. As for your "platonic boyfriend" - all us "SGs" have one or two of them. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want someone you fancied trying to have a relationship with you even though they didn't fancy you...? I suggest keeping him platonic for now. The way you feel about him may change, but if it doesn't, you haven't lost a friend by exchanging bodily fluids...! x

I feel so heartbroken about someone I used to date. Before he was the one chasing me, now I keep on doing it. I can't find a job and he is the only person I know in my area so I feel lonely. I don’t know how to recover from this heartbreak, I cannot stop thinking about him. Maybe I'm so used to having someone to share my life with,I'm desperately seeking that. Maria, 25, London
Maria, I'm so sorry you are so down - this time of year is especially tough. If things get really bad make an appointment to see your GP - they are there to help with depression. A few other things here. The most important thing for any single girl's sanity is work - it's why it's the first chapter in my book. So do everything you can on that front - it won't be the perfect job, but even if it's waitressing it will give you a focus and a network of new people in your area. I'm afraid it's only when you take a step back from your ex and move on is he ever likely to come back and even then you probably won't want him. Don't beat yourself up about the past - you're young, you have years before you need to worry about marriage. Set about meeting some more people in your community - there are some great free courses that always start in January so get in touch with your local council authority. The busier you are the less time you will have to think and the easier it will be to move on. Take care, Ix

I had the pleasure of watching you on Fox - I believe it was Red Eye. You are intelligent,well-informed and beautiful!I would love to have a signed copy of your book - where can I obtain one? Sincerely your fan Dennis dennis buchanan, 58, Lombard,Illinois
Dennis, thank you for your note. I'm afraid I've no way of getting signed copies of the book to the US at the moment, but normal copies are available through the "Buy The Book" link on the LHS. All best, Imogen

Imogen, I met a guy last week and we totally clicked - only problem is he has a boyfriend. We've emailed every day since and he has made it clear that he is interested. Anyway, last night we got drunk and slept in the same bed. We didn't go all the way, but we did fool around a little - and now he's being stand-off ish. Where do I go from here? Px Pedro, 29, London
Pedro - you do absolutely nothing. Don't email, text or call him. At the moment he is confused and will have some regret about cheating. He needs to feel what it's like not to have you in his life - and then he will decide who he wants to be with. You clearly have a great connection, but only by thinking he may lose you will he then step up and be with you. And if he doesn't? Then he wasn't worth it and you will get to be with someone you deserve. Good luck, Ix

Hi Imogen, First off I wanted to say you are very refreshing and it's great seeing you on Fox News Strategy Room. Question for you, but I think I know the answer. There's a guy at the gym who I've been conversing briefly w/ for about 4 or 5 times. I haven't been able to gauge if he's interested in me or not. He's always working out w/ a partner so I've had to be subtle. How do you recommend I approach him & offer my number? Or should I continue casually talking w/ him & wait for an opening? Thank you so much! Carrie, 30, Missouri, USA
Hmm. When we say "partner" in the UK, we mean "boyfriend or girlfriend" but I presume he's not working out with his beloved in this instance. If he is, stay well away. If not, next time you see him steer the conversation around to Twitter or Facebook (pretend you are keeping your cellphone on you for work but that you've been distracted by a message or tweet). Then ask him if he is on either (he should be). The next day send a friend request/tweet... and leave it and see if he takes the bait. If he likes you, he'll start flirting. If not, you've not lost face... Good Luck and thanks so much for your lovely message! x

I've been in a relationship for basically 2 and a half years. It's been hell and I've broken up with him so many times. He has been violent about 5 times and regularly calls me a slut and a whore etc, but I keep believing the best in him so I try and carry on. I managed to break up with him for 7 months but we still spoke every day - I just can't escape him. I say I won't answer my phone, but I just find myself picking it up!! I've managed to finish it again in the last few days and I really want it to be over this time. I've realised how much I've wasted 2 of the best years of my life. Please help me to say no and move on, he goes all nice when he wants me back and he does adore me but I just think there is something mentally wrong with him, he is in the army and is just not right!!! Help. liz, 22, uk
Liz - I can't say how much your message touched me, it is by far the bravest I have ever received. You are an unbelievably strong woman for walking away and you've absolutely made the right decision. This is an abusive relationship and it's never going to change. It is not your place to help him - you need to save yourself. Change your number - I know it will be hard but it is a vital step. Breaking away from him is not something you should do alone - talk to family, friends and get in touch with an organisation who can help - Woman's Aid are brilliant, http://www.womensaid.org.uk and also have a free 24 hour helpline 0808 2000 247. Hang on in there, take each day as it comes and know that you have done the right thing. Take care, Ix

I'm dating this boy, but he is 5 years younger, of a different religion and he cannot speak much English, so we have a few communication issues. I do really like him, but I'm not sure if I should stop seeing him. He is on social sites and constantly looking and chatting with girls. He says he only likes me, but he works 6 days a week so I can only see him on his day off. I feel really lonely because I'm currently unemployed. Should I date him until someone else comes along or just leave him in case I fall for him? Thanks. Maria, 25, London
Maria - honestly, this relationship sounds like it's going nowhere. Take a step back and focus on you. On getting a new job, so you have something that makes you feel less dependent on your personal life. Move on from this man so you are open to meeting someone who wants to be with you more than a day a week and who doesn't spend his time on the Internet. If he really wants you he will then step up and be with you properly. If he doesn't, you will not care anymore as you will be living the right life for you. Good luck with the job hunt, take care, Imogen

Hi Imogen. I love your book and have currently lent it to a friend in need! I'm single and have been for years! Anyway, I recently contacted someone who I went to school with who liked me at school. We have been sending each other messages which have been quite long and he has been asking questions about myself. However, his last message back to me was very short and didn't ask me any questions at all. Now I don't know whether to message back or not. I thought he might have asked me out by now. I'm so confused. Why does everything become complicated when men are involved! xxx Pollyanna , 22, Derbyshire Uk
So please you enjoyed the book! As far as your quandry goes.. he's a boy, so maybe he was just busy. Or he's attached and realised he was pushing the boundaries a little too far. Don't message him directly back - if he wants you, he will be in touch. Leave it at least a week and then send a "bcc" email out - a funny forward, some useful info and see if he takes the bait. If no response at all then leave it... When it's right, it shouldn't be complicated! Ix

I've totally fallen for a guy who's constantly asking me to wait for us to be together. It's been a year now and it still hasn't happened. His reasons range from uni or work commitments or fear of commitment. We live in different cities but I know that doesn't stop lots of couples. Is it worth the wait? I care for him too much to not have him in my life but is special friends all we'll ever be? Kimberly, 21, UK
Kimberly, I'm so sorry - what you're going through is heartbreaking and unacceptable. It's time to tell him you're moving on, that you're tired of waiting and you deserve and need someone who'll be with you now. The following thing will happen, either: 1. he gets so scared of losing you he steps up, 2. he doesn't step up and you then free yourself up to meeting someone who is ready. The awful truth is he may already have at least one other relationship going on and he's having his cake and eating it because he thinks your special, but also kissing someone else on the side. He knows you're amazing and it's his fault if he doesn't sort himself out. You can be special friends but not just yet - say you'll be in touch with him in 8 weeks and start to heal and live without him, enjoying single girl life to the full (I don't mention men for 6 chapters - there's SO much fun to be had!). Take care, Ix

I really like this guy from work. We've been texting loads the last 2 weeks, some very flirty. Because of our hours I rarely see him at work, he's no email, no social networking site and we don't live in the same town, so texting is only option. I saw him in person Friday but was very nervous, wasn't the usual confident cool chick I normally am and it was a little awkward between us. We texted briefly Friday night, but I haven't heard from him since. How can I play this? Do I risk texting him again and hinting towards a date? Or should I not text him at all and wait until I see him at work again (probably in 2 weeks), making sure I'm looking great and relaxed enough to talk to him and remind him I'm not what I was like on Friday usually! I've not been this attracted to anyone in ages. Karen, 22, Newcastle
Hmm... Sounds to me like you were both nervous and he may now think you're not that interested, but we also don't want to scare him off. It's only Tuesday, no need to panic yet. Don't contact him until at least Thursday lunchtime whatever you do. I would suggest putting together an evening out next week with your work and your outside friends (bar/bowling/whatever) and invite him to that. If he doesn't make it, ball's in his court and let him be first to text, next. x

Imogen I am so glad that I found this site! I saw you on TV talking about your thyroid problems and I so empathised with what had happened with you. I have felt for a long time that I have adrenal/thyroid issues and have tried a number of alternative health programmes and none of them worked. Is it possible to give a contact number of the practioner who helped you? Thanks, Linda Linda, 44, merseyside
Hi Linda. Everyone's different, so different things work for them. In the longer message that you sent (I had to edit a little because of space) it seemed you have a number of health issues. I would urge you to go your GP and get a blood test done so you know if you do have adrenal/thyroid problems for sure. Then it is a matter of finding what works for you. For some, this is thyroxine. For me, it was a lot of healthy diet and exercise and a little of Dr Schulze's superfood every day. This comes from Herbs Hands Healing in the UK and is basically dried green raw herbs that you add to water/smoothies. Just eating "superfoods" such as blueberries won't do the trick, although they will help general well being. I was treated by Nadia Brydon - nadia@chanters.fsnet.co.uk. Wishing you all the best, Imogen

Two years ago I decided to change jobs and relocate to a larger city because I thought I was in a rut. Most of my friends have married and I thought that moving to a larger city would open up new opportunities. At first, my new job and location felt great but it seems like nothing has changed from life in the smaller city. I find it harder to socialize and and most important my dating life is null. What advice do you have for someone trying to write a new chapter in her life and find Mr. Right? Monica, 35, Phoenix, Arizona
Monica, first of all congratulations on the big move. My big instinct from your message is to say - stop looking for Mr Right. Mr Right doesn't exist. What does exist is the right life for you - work on that and the person who is supposed to be sharing your world for that time will come into it. I cover all this in the book (for 6 chapters I don't mention men) - take a look on Amazon. Now is the time to enjoy and focus on you. Make sure you are in the right job for you, living in the right place, looking and feeling your best. If you're not then change apartments, get yourself to the gym or doing exercise that you enjoy, have a makeover. Join clubs - from skydiving to salsa and through these activities you will make new friends that fit into your life today. They will have friends... and your world changed, a man will be attracted to the happy in herself you. Give yourself this aim - by next Spring you will have changed 5 things in your world - such as your hair colour, your charity work, learning a language. When you get to May 2010 the rut will have gone. Enjoy - this is your time, your moment. Celebrate it. x

I am an 18 year old girl. My friends and a few guys have told me that I am really tall, slim, fair and have a model's body. The thing is no guy has ever asked me out or even told me he likes me. Also, my supposed guy friends don't seem to care much about me. I'm always the one trying to keep the friendship. It's frustrating. Cyndy, 18, Nigeria
Cyndy, it sounds to me as if you're so attractive boys may be scared to ask you out! When you meet someone you like, connect with him over Facebook or Myspace and start chatting with him over there, or when you see them steer the conversation around to a bar/club/film you'd like to visit/see. They then have an opening to ask you out! As far as male friends go, they often tend to not be as good at keeping up. That's why good female friendships are so important and should be focussed on.

I saw you on Fox Business. You said that NY was too expensive to put on theater productions. I agree! I put together Florida Corp to develop Musicals for Branson Mo. Non Union. Develop, refine then either go to NY or Tour or do Pay for view. William Lake, 56, Navarre Florida
Thanks for the message - congratualtions on all your success.

I'm co-hosting a massive party in a hired venue at the weekend - but my co-host/best friend has done nothing to help and I am on the verge of cracking up with stress. I am having panic attacks and just want to cancel the whole thing - and I certainly don't feel like partying with her. I broached this subject weeks ago, and she promised the earth, but has delivered nothing. I feel she is just riding on my coat-tails and taking the you-know-what. What should I do? Anon, 24, London
If you are really dreading it then cancel it. This is supposed to be fun. Otherwise, carry on then sit down with her next week and calmly tell her how disappointed you were with what happened and ask how you think you should move on from here.

I've just got my first boyfriend and we've been happy together for 6 months. But I hate sex. It hurts too much for me to stand and I worry that I'm bad at it. He's very patient and says he doesn't mind but I feel so inadequate. Have you any idea where I should go from here? Thanks... Helena, 25, Richmond
You are not inadequate. Either he is and rushing you and you're not spending enough time on foreplay or you could be suffering from the condition vaginismus. Sex shouldn't be hurting. So, it's worth you both working on foreplay which may or may not lead up to full sex depending on how you're feeling and also you seeking medical advice. There's more on vaginismus here http://www.sogc.org/health/health-vaginismus_e.asp but I do urge you to see someone too. It's not your fault. Take care.

I love this guy and he says he loves me too, but we have been up and down for a long time. We are working hard to understand each other and listen but yesterday he said he "shouldn't be testing me". Also, he hasn't introduced me to his mates yet and when I chat to him he has to always go - should I be wary? Anon, 23, t.wells
Relationships are hard work but at 23 they shouldn't be this hard. The arguments are obviously getting you both down. Also, to make a relationship work, you need to be able to hang out with each other's friends. Sit your boyfriend down and calmly say that you don't want to argue anymore. Say you won't be picking any more fights and that you'd love to take the next step and meet his friends and introduce him to yours. If he refuses then it's time to call it a day, enjoy some time being single and then someone who you have a happy, balanced time with will come into your world. Take care, Ix

Imogen, I've been seeing a guy for about ten weeks, roughly twice a week, which has it all: great sex, great connection, great fun and we're great mates. We've never had any conversations about exclusivity and haven't officially called our relationship anything, but in the last week he's started to cool off a tad (we text and he answers my calls, but I'm going on holiday this weekend and he said he doesn't have time to see me before I go, which is unusual...) How do I play it? So far, he has been more keen than me. Advice please...I'd like to keep what we have going. Px Paolo, 28, London
Hmm... if you can manage it don't text him while you're away unless he texts you first. It sounds to me like he loves the chase and is scared of anything more. While you're away it's the perfect time for him to figure out - is he more scared of losing you or of taking things to the next level. Focus on having a really fun break and if he's right for you, he'll come back and properly this time. Ix

Hi Imogen, I went out on a first date last week with someone I met last year. It went well and even ended with a short and sweet kiss. He threw a party over the weekend and invited me quite casually (online invitation), to which I declined politely because I already had plans. I did, however, text him the evening of his party to say I received his invite and have fun. Not only have I not received a text back, but I have not heard from him since. Am I right to think he's not interested? When we said our goodbyes he did say he'd like to take me out for a ride on his motorbike once the weather gets nicer... Rose, 21, Toronto
Hmm. First of all, we need to keep in mind the infamous Clueless "boy time" concept. Last week is actually not that long ago in boy time. It's a tricky balance to work out, as if a man wants you, he will come and get you - but you didn't go to his party so he may think you don't want him and they all need a smidgen of encouragement. Wait until next week and then send a "bcc" email (eg a funny forward), or a direct email asking the answer to a question on some subject he's an expert in. If he takes the hook and starts bantering he's interested. If not, stop contacting him and move on. Of course, the minute any of us move on is when the other party gets interested again!! Good luck x

Imogen, One of my good friends in work has suddenly started completely ignoring me - for no reason. We haven't had a fight or anything (she's gay, I'm a gay guy) yet I'm finding it really hurtful. The other day I watched her duck into the ladies toilet to avoid me, so I waited and took her to one side. She initially said nothing was wrong, then said that she was going through personal stuff and didn't want to be around friends who might shatter her composure - which is fine, but she's not treating anyone else like this. Just me. And it's really extreme. Is she just dropping me as a friend? What could/should I do? Xx X, 28, London
If you go with what she says, then it's because you are such a close friend that she doesn't want to be around you - crying/falling apart at work is never a good look but especially in these credit crunch times. Perhaps step back at work but text her that you'd really like to have a drink with her after work or at the weekend as you're worried about her and want to be there for her. If she says she doesn't want to talk about it, just say that you'll always be there for her, whatever. She'll know you're a true friend and come back when she's ready. Take care, Ix

Hi Imogen, where do you stand on 'nice guys finish last' syndrome..? I'm a nice guy. I have a good job, my own place, I am a well spoken, creative, wear my heart-on-sleeve type of guy and would like to think I am good looking. Yet I have absolutely no luck when it comes to attracting women. Actually no, I do attract a small niche in the female species - but one which I have no interest in. All I seem to attract are 'work hard, play harder' types - but I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I prefer conversation in a quiet country pub and films compared to 'throwing shapes' in a nightclub before stumbling out of a taxi at 3am (i'm not a heavy drinker). The majority of my social circle are beginning to settle down now with their respective partners - and I feel like I am missing out, which I am. The issue always comes up when I'm having dinner with my friends and leads me to much ridicule amongst them (all be it tongue in cheek!). All I want is to find someone who can stimulate me both mentally and physically, who is able to make me laugh, think and above all enjoy each others company - that's not too much to ask is it? Martin Martin, 25, The Highlands
Nice girls finish last, nice boys finish last - it's not about finishing at all, life is not a competition. First of all, you're 25 and a boy, so you have a good 15 years to find Miss Right, so relax. Men are attracted to women who are happy, relaxed and confident in themselves - and vice versa. Perhaps take a really good friend or two aside and ask what they think you're doing wrong - it may be you're coming on too strong at the beginning and scaring the right girls off. Also, consider joining something like Mysinglefriend.com - a couple of my male friends have had huge success with it. Think positive. And remember, the 'work hard, play harder' types will need balance in their lives as well - so if you're attracting them maybe for every time they want to go out and play, you do that but the next time you do something quiet like dinner or a movie. The girls you're probably dating will only be in their early to mid twenties so will still want to be out enjoying themselves and working hard on their careers. Opposites attract and you may have lots of fun in the process... Good luck!

Hi Imogen, I love reading your book, I have found it very insightful and entertaining. Just looking for some advice. Two years ago I hooked up with I guy I worked with. We saw each other and it was good fun and very romantically intense for a short time. He then ended it saying he didn't want to get into a relationship. We both left the place we worked and moved on to different things and it was fine. Then a year later we started seeing each other again. The night we met up he told me that he has never been able to commit since his last relationship because he had been very hurt. He says he had started relationships and ended them after a short time because of this fear. He said he ended it with me because he thought I was a good person and didn't want to mess me around. So we hooked up again that night and it was very intense for a short time again. The he ended it. Now, a year on, he has contacted me again suggesting that we meet up. I have very strong feelings for this guy and would really like to start seeing him again. I just wonder if I'm doing the right thing hooking back up with him for a third time, because the liklihood is that he will end it after a short time. I also don't know how I should play it when I meet up with him. I also find it takes me quite a while to get over him. Any advice on this would be appreciated because my friends don't know what to advise. Thanks Heather x Heather , 23, Edinburgh
MEN. Honestly. The sensible thing, Heather, would be not to go. If you do go, play it cool, say the way he's been hurting you is completely unacceptable and that if he wants you back he needs to work at it. And make him. Date him but don't sleep with him until you've passed the mark where he normally ditches you... Take care, Ix

Dear Imogen, I read your article in the Daily Mail and am looking forward to trying Dr Schulzes Superfood. Did you have hashimotos when you used Dr Schulze Superfood? Thankyou very much for posting what you used for your hypothyroidism. Many thanks, Shiv. Shiv, 30, London
No idea, that word wasn't mentioned but then I always tell Doctors off if they use long ones at me. I had an underactive thyroid and was prescribed thyroxine. My alternative practioner prescribed superfood and diet/exercise so I got off the thyroxine. Good luck with it all.

Dear Imogen, I recently read a piece you wrote for the Daily Mail regarding you being diagnosed with an Underactive Thyroid. I was diagnosed with the same about 5 years ago and have been on Eltroxin 50mg for the same amount of time, I was told I would never be able to come off the medication. You mentioned you tried alternative meds and that eventually you managed to lose the weight. I cannot seem to lose the weight no matter what I do, I eat right, reduced potions, exercise now, but still nothing and I blame it all on my thyroid, I hate it, I feel HUGE at the best of times and despite my smily, happy, bubbly personality sometimes it really gets me down! Do you hae any advice for me? Many thanks for you time! ~ Hannah x Hannah Foley, 25, Ireland
Hannah, I'm so sorry, it sounds like you've been having a real struggle - AND HOW UNSYMPATHETIC CAN DOCTORS BE?! Honestly. One word here: Superfood. It changed my life. Have a read on my MSN page of what I did to sort my thyroid out: http://imogenlloydwebber.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!7C337E7B9493D882!889.entry?wa=wsignin1.0&sa=69855953 ... Fingers crossed some of it works for you. Ix

I tried the Dr Schulze's Superfood starting slowing only with one teaspoon a day, did this for a week and it seemed to make my hair fall out, I wondered if this happened to you? My thinking is that it may be part of the detoxing process OR it may be due to the fact that I have elevated antibodies and maybe the iodine may be making the hashimotos worse. Slight quandary! It would be interesting to hear if you had any initial hair loss on the this product. I have a strong interest in this product and would love to be able to prescribe it to my clients, but would like to get past the hair loss quandary before I do so. Simone, 35, London
Simone, I had absolutely no hair loss with using Superfood, if anything it got healthier as it's so packed full of nutrients. I'd contact Herbs Hands Healing directly and see what they say...

A guy in work, who used to be my mate and always made it clear that he liked me romantically (even though he knew I wasn't interested and had a boyfriend), has started being really hostile. We haven't had a fight and I haven't done anything to upset him, but suddenly he refuses to communicate on any level, leaves the room if I enter and - recently - has started updating his Facebook status saying he is being bullied by a 'certain person' in the office (me, even though I am being bullied by him). Earlier this year he began blowing hot and cold - for which, as a senior member of staff, I'd politely take him to one side and resolve - but now it's getting scary. And relentless. I ignored it at first, then tackled it with an email that said I would complain to management, but nothing has worked. Subsequently, I now think he is poisoning the minds of my colleagues because, in the past 3 weeks alone, several of them have - inexplicably - started being funny with me. One even said they never want to speak to me again on Friday. And I sit next to them! I've already spoken to management, who told me to "try less hard", and the HR guy didn't believe that I hadn't done something to deserve it, which is insane. I'm a nice guy who doesn't deserve this and I think it's starting to make me ill. I have no idea how much more damage this person is happy to do. What can I do? Px P, 26, London
OK... This guy is obviously lonely, upset and jealous hence his insecurity is playing out. First of all try going to the colleagues who have become hostile and say "we work together, if I've done something wrong I really need to know what it is so I can put it right with you" and try and get them to a lunch/coffee/drink. Listen to whatever they have to say. When they are all done, take a deep breath and explain your side of things. They should at least be reasonable or be able to see sense, that there are two sides to every story. Then ask their advice about what they think you should do. Suggest that one of them should meet up with you and the problem guy together so you can all talk it through - hopefully having someone as mediator will help him see sense. Good luck! Ix

Imogen, I am the news editor of a magazine and am faced with a long-term work problem. My male boss employs his girlfriend as a part-time member of our team, but she HATES me. She is rude, suspicious, aggressive, impolite and short-tempered - but only with me. She's all over everybody else... Most days she freezes me out of everything, even work matters, then snaps at me over something trivial - and I am senior to her. I've spoken to my HR person about this and - when it came to a head - my Editor played it down. For a little while it improved, but - after coming back from two wonderful holidays - I am hated again. What can I do? Claire D, 28, London
Claire... she's acting this way because she's insecure about you for some reason. Probably that you're brighter and more attractive than her and she feels you're a threat. I'd take her out for lunch or a drink and have a chat one on one. Don't accuse. Just say that you really want to get on and have a good working relationship - especially in the current economic climate it's vital. Ask her what she thinks you could both do to improve your relationship at work as you think its an area you could both improve on. Fingers crossed for you...

Hello! I seem to have got myself in a big mess. I'm living with my ex boyfriend and occasionally sleeping with him. Now I've got this overwhelming suspicion that he is sleeping with another girl and lying about it. If this is the case I don't want to live with him but I'm not sure how I can get him to be truthful and be free finally. Frankly! I do not feel like a single girl at all with him in my life! Thanks! Nicole, 21, London
Nicole - living and sometimes sleeping with a boy definitely does not mean you are single - you are in a relationship with him. You need to sit down and say either you both are going out officially and staying faithful - or you are going to move out and be open to meeting someone who deserves you. You need resolution. Take care, Imogen

Good Afternoon Imogen, I'm not sure how to ask this so I'll just explain a little. My younger sister is 22 years old, married with a baby and seriously overweight. At 5"4 she is currently over 18 stone and her BMI is 43.9. My Mum and I are seriously worried about her health and whenever we try and talk to her about it she just gets defensive and falls out with us. She's always been a big girl but managed to lose weight and get down to a size 10 before putting it back on again plus more. While she was pregnant she ate really well and actually lost some weight but since the baby she's put on at least 3 stone and we're just at a loss. We worry for her health more then anything and just don't know what to do to help. She's joined a few slimming clubs but never lasts more then a few weeks and her husband loves her how she is so isn't fussed what size she is. I know she gets down about it as she phones in tears and the other day when she was out she overheard some horrible remarks by young girls about her size. Any suggestions? Tammy, 25, Harrogate
Oh Tammy this is tricky and my heart goes out to you all. Weight is such an emotional topic and your sister may well be suffering from post natal depression. It is interesting that she lost weight when pregnant - she was obviously concerned about the health of her baby. What I'd suggest doing is not focussing on her weight or talking to her about that but on doing stuff with her that makes her feel good about herself - facials at home, going for a walk with her and the baby etc. When she mentions the weight, which she will, I'd suggest first encouraging her to see her GP by saying that you think she may be suffering from post natal depression - many women do and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Offer to go with her to the Doctors. Her GP should be able to help. If she is reluctant say that it is important for the health of her child that it has a happy, healthy Mum and that she has family and friends who will support her. It is important that her husband realises that she is jepordising her health and that his child needs a healthy Mum so if you can gently talk to him that would help. Just remember, telling her what she needs to do and she'll get defensive. She knows what she needs to do, she just needs the emotional support to get to a place where she feels able to lose the weight. Hope she gets on the road to recovery soon.

Imogen can you send me more details about the thyorid treatment you received? It's just that my 13 year old daughter has just been diagnosed with a thyroid goiter and placed on thyroxine but I am keen to look at alternatives for her as I dont want her to be on these tablets for the rest of her life. Any help would be appreciated. Kind Regards Tracy Jones, 37, warwickshire
Tracy, thanks for your message. I completely understand why you are looking into alternatives - thyroxine has serious side effects, especially at that age. I've detailed what I did on the site I write for MSN - http://imogenlloydwebber.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!7C337E7B9493D882!889.entry ... I cannot recommend enough Dr Schulze's superood which is available from Herbs Hands Healing (details on my MSN page). Wishing you both all the best, Imogen

I am currently in a relationship with a guy who I quite like but not love. This is because I love another man and he loves me - but he is 6 years older than me. Yet he is respectful of what I want and what I need. What should I do? Natalie Brown, 16, Auckland
Natalie - thanks for your message. Six years is a really big age gap until you hit about 30. I obviously don't know either man, although you're not being entirely true to the one you are in a relationship with at present. What do your friends and family think? They're normally the ones with the best perspective and it's important not to alienate them. Do keep in mind that you have your whole life, your whole world ahead of you and you may well regret it somewhere down the line if you get tied to someone so much older now...

Hey Imogen, I'm the only single girl in my group of friends and as much as I used to love it before (never having to answer to anyone, going where I liked, wearing what I wanted etc), now it's really starting to get to me. I've had a few on-off 'relationships' in the past but never anything serious... The guys I fall for run a mile after the first couple of weeks with me, I have no idea what I'm doing wrong!! Help?! Dee, 23, Birmingham
Dee, first of all, you're 23, so you can have as much fun being single for a very long time without it being a worry (if it ever should be!). Always keep in mind that desperation is never attractive to males so keep hold of that happy in herself, confident, you. I suspect you answered your question about your relationships yourself... "the guys I fall for...". We've all been attracted to the wrong men. We've all been hurt and left by them. I suspect where you're going wrong is a) in who you're picking. I suggest asking for your friends to set you up and veto potential dates. I also recommend that b) in the early stages be very cool with your dates even if you're feeling anything but. Men do sometimes have a tendancy to run away if they think girls are getting too serious too soon... Good luck and keep smiling - single or not! x

Hi Imogen I'm 25 in a very kind and loving relationship but have a dead end job and well I'm just always down. Since a young age I've always been a worrier and always suffered down months were I just can't seem to find anything positive in life. I'm trying to make independant steps without resorting to Doctors and so far I've started Yoga, joined a book club and hope to go to Uni in September to study History to fulfill a life long ambition. But the problem is I still feel worthless and even with having goals and getting out there I still feel so negative. My partner on the whole is great and supportive and I love him dearly but I lack female friends and as you always give such great advice to singles I was wondering if you might have any tips on how to see the positive. There are many issues I have but professional help is too expensive and true friends are very hard to find. xx Morgan, 25, Yorkshire
Morgan - first of all can I just say you're doing amazingly well. You are taking so many positive steps and through yoga and getting out there you are increasing your chances all the time of getting that support network of good girlfriends so keep at it. I do think you should go and have a chat with your GP. I'm not for one minute suggesting they put you on anti-depressants, but they may have some free support in your area that will help. Also, if you're not on the pill, try taking St John's Wort. I've got a couple of friends who suffer from serious bouts of depression and they swear by it. Trust me, you should be so proud in the way you are coping and the measures you are putting in place. You are not alone, please remember that - your family, your boyfriend and your GP are all there to help. Ix

I am a student at the Danish architecture school and have a project about single life - I need to design the perfect house for a single. I need some help figuring out what the needs of the modern single is. What is the modern single? Roar, 22, Copenhagen
Have a look at my book (which is available in Danish) - there's a whole chapter on the Home in that.

Imogen, I'm afraid that I just don't seem to be coping at the moment, despite being on anti-depressants for some months. In fact, at times I have felt rather suicidal, mainly when it crosses my mind how badly my ex treated me last year. I admit that I miss him badly (particularly the intimacy), despite secretly feeling so much anger towards him. I have even taken to self harming a bit (a few people have started to remark about bruises on my arm), even though I tell myself that he's not worth it. He's made me feel that I'm not beautiful enough to have his children, but am good enough to be his friend! I don't really see how that's possible though and my Mum doesn't think I should be either. Sorry to sound so muddled and to bother you. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system, apart from appreciating your advice! x Zoe, 30, Surrey
Oh Zoe, I'm so sorry. Depression - the "Black Dog" - as Churchill called it is a living nightmare. So many people suffer in silence. Please, please, go to your GP and get him or her to recommend some good therapists in your area. Everyone needs support and you do now, so don't feel afraid. As for the man, he's toxic. We've all fallen for men who are toxic. We've all fallen apart when we see them with new women, apparently so happy and treating them the way we wish they did us. With the help of your Mum and your friends, cut him out of your life. He is not your Knight-in-shining Armani. Letting go of him will allow another one in who will treat you properly. I know it's hard, but it will get better, I promise. You are worth a million of him - remember that. x

Imogen, I'm a gay guy who needs your astute advice... I was in the supermarket with a female (straight) friend the other day when I noticed the guy in front of us, who was hot. My friend agreed. Moments later, he offered for us to go in front of him because we only had one item, which we did. Then, both my friend and I flirted with him for a few moments, which didn't really go anywhere, until I had to pay. I actually thought he was straight, but almost gave him my business card just in case, then - unlike me - I decided against it. Immediately after, I regretted it - and am now beating myself up for it. I'm also (although disinclined to admit it) secretly frustrated that my friend was there - and am finding it difficult not to blame her in my head... Did I miss my big chance? And, more importantly, can I have a reality check please? ;-) Dx Dan Davis, 28, South
Dan - fate's decided that if he is the guy for you, then the supermarket meeting was a no go. If you are destined to meet again then it'll be when you least expect it (or put an ad in the local paper - you never know!). He may even be straight, so don't blame your friend! Concentrate on going out, having fun with your friends and the right relationship will appear. And next time hand over your card! x

I recently met a man aged 33 in the pub, who lives a couple of hours away from me (where I was at the time). We were chatting for a while, after which he suggested we went for a meal next door. He admitted he had a partner (with a baby on the way), who he's remained faithful to for 7 years, but later he said he was willing to pay for a hotel (he offered to sleep on the couch), as he said it was too late for me to get back now. Nothing much happened to my relief, as we both didn't want it to be a one night stand. Obviously I'm feeling a bit guilty, but I'm wondering if I should stick around as he said he was very close to walking away. He also thought that we'd clicked, which I agree with, so suppose it feels hard to forget about him. He said he'd no regrets about spending the night with me, despite him blaming the fact that he'd had too much to drink. He's since been contacting me every day and wants to see me again. I'm in two minds! Heidi Mumford, 30, Surrey
This man is horrific and doing anything with someone with a pregnant partner is absolutely against girl's code. Delete his number and never speak to him again.

Dear Imogen, I know you mentioned before you went to see an alternative health guru to cure your thyroid. I wondered if I could ask for his name - contact details(I hope this is ok)as I would love to see him to deal with my underlying thyroid issue..alternative is always best, thyroxine is REALLY yukkie!! Thankyou.. Best Wishes, Katya Katya, , London
Katya - I saw Nadia Brydon who practises in London, nadia@chanters.fsnet.co.uk. Best, Imogen

I have started flatting with two of my friends which I thought would be fun but they have ended up effectively ditching me for their boyfriends - we don't do anything together anymore except the weekly grocery shop. I used to be really good friends with one of their boyfriend's and now he doesn't even talk to me and I don't get along with the other one at all. I'm single and am finding it really hard because I feel left out and alone, any tips on how to cope? Melissa, 19, New Zealand
Melissa - girls like your flatmates drive me MAD! As soon as they split up with their boyfriends they'll come to you expecting 24/7 attention. First of all, gently explain how you feel and ask them to put themselves in your shoes. Hopefully then the boyfriends will at least stop loitering around the flat so much. Also explain to your friend going out with your male friend that you're not going to make a move on him - you're not a "frenemy" but that you miss his friendship. If she's a good girl and secure, you'll be able to mend that fence. Also focus on doing stuff that makes you happy without them. Make plans with your single friends, take a course in something you always dreamed of doing - acting at your local community centre, cooking, skydiving - anything to get you out there living and loving the single life. If things don't improve soon, seriously consider moving out - you deserve better from your home life. Ix

I have a lovely boyfriend of just a month and I really fancy him but I hate the fact that sometimes I show that I'm needy and I'm conscious that he may be looking elsewhere. Please help - I don't understand the theory about how you keep them keen by being mean and would like some man advice on keeping him on his toes!! Plese help. Sally, 19, essex
Sally... the clingier you are the more likely he is to run away. If you have your own life - your own interests, your own friends, doing things without him, the more likely a relationship will flourish. Men can feel suffocated very easily and then they go. So, make sure you do stuff without him with your friends. Make "him" time, "friend" time and "me" time. He fancied you when you were single and when you were your own person, remember that. Also remember that there's nothing more irritating for friends if they have one that drops everything the minute a boyfriend is on the scene and then expects them to pick up the pieces when he leaves it. Even if you're worried inside, don't worry to him - worry to someone else who won't tell him. That's the way to keep him keen...

Dear Imogen, Just read your blog re IBS, sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this right now. Like you say, thyroid is so connected to food intolerances, I was intolerant to nothing pre thyroid. Anyway, I'm messaging you, to suggest trying Betaine, by lamberts(allergen free) take with all your meals and this will help your digestion processes and in turn take pressure off your adrenals and thyroid. Many people with thyroid problems even underlying have very little hydrochloric acid so supplementing with betaine helps with this. Hope this helps, Best Wishes, Maria Maria, 30, London
Maria - massive thank you, will try away! Ix

Hi Imogen, love the book! This is a slightly strange question, I know - I've been with my boyfriend for around 9 months now, and it's going really well. He wants us to have sex, and though I feel like I'm ready I've heard some horror stories from girlfriends about how its really painful etc. etc. He isn't pressuring me or anything, but I don't want to feel like I'm leading him on or something and then chickening out all the time. Is it really that bad? Love Nell xox Nell, 16, Hartlepool
Thanks for your message Nell. Of course you're apprehensive about the first time - it's totally natural. The most important thing here is that you tell your boyfriend why and how you feel. It's absolutely critical because it's up to him to help you be relaxed enough so you have a lovely time for the first time (and every time!). Talk it through with him and if he's a good guy he'll understand and if not, then he's not worth it. Also there's the matter of keeping safe contraceptive wise, which is as much his responsibility as yours. Don't feel like you've got no-one to talk to on this - the school nurse, your GP or even your parents are there for you. Like anything, practice makes perfect, but if you're in a loving relationship and emotionally ready then it can be wonderful. Ix

Dear Imogen, 6 months ago I broke up(on the phone) with a lady I was seeing for 3 months. The same evening I phoned her saying how sorry I was and indeed did not want to end our relationship. She at the time said she was traumatized by the break up and found it difficult to speak to me. I apologized again and hoped that we could meet for lunch so I could explain my behaviour and where it came from. To date she says meeting up would be too hurtful. It's just very difficult to comprehend that the last time we saw each other we were kissing in her car, saying how much we were going to be missing each other. We had something beautiful and it saddens me that it has now been reduced to an interlude. Friends suggest I move on, but how can I, my heart is no longer free. Best wishes, Katya Katya, 29, london
Katya - I'm afraid your friends are right. The only way this woman will ever come back is for you to move on - often then they do. If they don't, you won't have put your life on hold but instead will be out there and finding someone who will be with you as you'd like. So, go out with your friends, celebrate them and love life - and you'll never know who you might meet...

Hi Imogen, im currently single after breaking up with my only 'real' boyfriend over a year ago, there have been a few short lived flings but I really want a relationship, I hate being single always have! Do you have any advice for me? Natalie, 22, Manchester
Natalie - you need to learn to love being single! You're only 22, you have all the time in the world. The minute you want a boyfriend is the minute men will all run away. In my book I spend 6 chapters not mentioning men at all! When you're single you get to be selfish, lavishing the time to make sure you're happy with or without boyfriend. Men will only be attracted to happy women! So focus on your work, on your friends, on going out and doing the things you want. At that point, a man will be attracted to you like moths to a flame! Take care. Ix

Hi Imogen. Got very excited when I read about you treating your thyroid with Dr Shultz's superfood and have ordered it. I am on no meds as I am subclinical at the moment. I notice the product has iodine in it and for some hypothyroidians we are warned about taking iodine as it aggravates things. A cynical friend suggested maybe you were being paid to market this product and did not use it at all. That sounds ridiculous as someone who has suffered from thyroid disease you know how devastating it can be so would not inflict false information on peeps. Thank you so much for the information. Maria, 30, london
That is completely ridiculous - of course I haven't been paid by the company. I've been taking superfood for 6 years after I was recommended to by an alternative health guru at a time when my body was in a real mess. You are right about the iodine in superfood - you must start off taking it in really small quantities (I was originally on a teaspoon a day) and keep getting your blood tested to make sure that you are OK. Everyone's bodies are different and will react differently. It just worked for me. Hope it helps.

Dear Imogen It was great to see you talk about your thyroid condition on TV the other morning. It was a shame that you did not get more of a chance to talk about the alternative side of things. I have recently been diagnosed underactive and have done some alt. therapy which has raised it just into the normal range but I am still getting symptoms. I was wondering if you would share what you used? Very Best Wishes Becci. Becci Cary, 35, Brighton, UK
Becci - lovely to hear from you. Completey understand why you have decided to go alternative - I should have done from the very beginning. I've detailed what I do on my MSN blog - http://imogenlloydwebber.spaces.live.com . Hope that helps. All best, Imogen x

Hi Imo! I did a really stupid thing - while at a party with friends I drunkenly danced with a male friend. A couple of days later he texted me to ask me back to his. I went, and we had a dreadful, aborted one night stand after which he awkwardly took me home and we chatted about random rubbish on the way and avoided talking about it. He messaged me later saying 'he just wanted to be friends' and I basically said I was relieved, which I was. I still have to see him all the time though and not only do I think I like him, I miss just being his friend. I don't know how to proceed from here! I've avoided him for the time being but sooner or later I'm going to have to face him...please help!!! Mary, 25, Clapham
Kissing platonic boyfriends is an occupational hazard. The only way that you'll get your friendship back I'm afraid is time and you both falling for other people. It does sound, however, that you may be hoping for more when he said he wasn't. The only way for that to happen is again to step back, get on with your work and going out with your friends. Either you'll meet a new person or he'll realise what he's missing out on. I'm so sorry at the moment, there will be an awkward stage - but it will get better, promise.

Dear Imogen, I read the article in the Daily Mail about your fight with the thyroid problems. I also have similar problems for 6 years already. I have been looking for the alternative medicine but did not succeed. Could you help me to find the right Chinese or eastern medicine centre where I could try to go with my disease. Thank you very much in advance. Sincerely yours, Dina, Russia Dina, 39, Russia
Dina - I'd suggest taking a natural supplement called "Dr Schulze's superfood" (it comes in big tubs). It simply changed my life. Superfood is a natural source of iodine which is needed for thyroid function. Keep in consultation with your Doctor while you're taking it though as your thyroid (mine did anyway) may start to work normally so you don't need to take thyroxine anymore.

First off I love your book :) But I have a specific thing I'd love your advice on. About 5 weeks ago now I went on a night out with friends, and we bumped into a few guys I work with, although because of their shifts I only see them at work once a week or so. Anyways, on the night out I got chatting to this guy and we kissed and he walked me all the way home which took an hour at 4am, even though he was working at 7am! Next day he texted, and we bantered a bit. Then a week later I hadn't heard from him again so I texted him saying "how are you", and he replied, then I replied, and he didn't reply(I didnt ask a question but I started and finished the text convo which is not good!) So I had it in my head he didn't like me like that and kind of forgot about him. This was a few weeks ago, but then today I was in the canteen on my own and he came in. He'd seen me in there through the window and he didn't really get anything in there so I figured he came in to speak to me. To be honest I freaked a bit for some reason, and was quite cold and quiet with him carrying on what I was doing and acting uninterested. I have no idea why I did this! After an awkward conversation where he clearly flirted and smiled lots but I didn't respond, he left. So from his point of view I must look uninterested. But I am interested! I would love to hear your advice. Pamela x Pamela, 24, Preston
Pamela, don't blame yourself. He was being "All Text No Trousers" so you got confused. Is this man on email/Facebook? It may be time for a "friend request" or a "bcc" email to see if some banter starts up which can then break the ice when you next see him. Otherwise, next time you do see him at work, since he came and talked to you, you are allowed to bounce over to him and be friendly. Steer the conversation round to a film/bar you'd like to see/visit and see if he takes the bait... Ix

Hi Imogen, I met this guy whilst we were working in Ibiza and fell hard for him. When we were in Ibiza things wern't always so great - I came home for a funeral and when I get back to Ibiza I found out he had slept with someone else. I was completely crushed. It took about a month for things to sort itself out, it got great again, and we carried on when we got back to England. Since September he has stopped and started what we have a million times, but I always go running back. He told me from day 1 he didn't want anything serious, but it seemed no matter how hard we tried just to be friends it always became something more. But only 2 days ago, he texted me saying that he isn't too sure what he wants, as we are both going back to Ibiza, and because of the state I got over him last summer he doesnt want to do that to me again. I understand where he is coming from, but I can't imagine my life without him at all, and I can't handle him being distant with me. I feel so silly, but I've never felt like this about anyone.I'm not going to get over him, because my feelings are strong and I care about him so much. It's not a case of not going back to Ibiza, because my friends are going and I want to spend my summer with them. Although I'm terrified of how things are going to go out there im more worried about the here and now. I just want to get over him but I feel like i can't. Any advice? Tasha x Tasha, 21, London
Tasha, thank you for your message, which I've had to edit a little because of space. You're not silly - you fell in love, so give yourself a break. BUT this man, although he's been lovely to you at times has also been a nightmare. He cares about you enough to recognise this. You deserve someone to treat you properly. You're in a dark place and need to let the light in. You say you won't get over him but you will, because you're going to allow yourself to, because you're a fantastic girl and you deserve so much more. It really isn't you - it's him. He's failed, you gave it your all. So take a step back, change the name you've got him stored under on your phone to the reason you don't want to speak to him (or delete his number) and don't have any contact with him for a while. I'm not saying forever, but for now. Hang out and re-establish bonds with your friends. Go out with them. Live and laugh without him in your world. Focus on the here and now - on having bubble baths, make-overs, on your job. Live day to day. He doesn't want anything serious now - he's told you that over and over again, but men are also weak and won't refuse us when we go chasing after them, but that ends up hurting us. The only way he'd ever step up and be a proper boyfriend is if he can see he's about to lose you - or has lost you. You deserve a relationship that is equal and you will get that, but more than likely with someone else as this one is currently too imbalanced - you've given him all the power. Once some time is past you may become friends (I'm now close to my first boyfriend - I wasn't for a good 18 months after we broke up), but when you are strong again. Hang on in there, it will get better, but you need to cut out the toxic relationship for now. Take care, Ix

Love your book,thanks Anne, 31, London
Thank you! x

I’ve been dating a man 11 years my elder for the past month and am relatively satisfied. I have never been treated so well by a guy before and he is definitely more mature and responsible because of his age. My friends ask if I am really into him and I tell them, ‘he’s growing on me’, because that is how I really feel about him. Is there anything wrong with having strong chemistry absent in the initial stages of dating? Must there always be the sparks right away, or the ‘it was love at first sight’ kind of attraction? I’d like to think that sometimes in relationships it takes time for a connection to be established- it doesn’t already have to be there in the first place… What do you think? Rose, 20, Toronto
There is no right or wrong answer... every person and every relationship is different. If you are making each other happy for now enjoy. If not, move on. x

OK, I met a guy on a chat board, and we met up in London and had a really nice day together and got on really well. Since then he has asked me to a concert and paid for my ticket. However, I don't know if this is a 'date' or not - I think I'd like it to be, but I don't know how he feels about me. The board we met on wasn't a dating board or anything but I think we got on really well. We message each other a lot privately, and he complimented me, but he said he would have gone to the concert anyway, although he will enjoy my company. I am so confused! :/ Any ideas?! Susan, 24, Surrey
I suspect you're confusing him so he's confusing you... Sounds to me like a date, he just doesn't know how you feel so was covering himself by saying he'd go to the concert anyway. Start putting kisses at the end of your messages and getting a bit flirty and see how he responds... If he returns and steps up the flirtation, he's interested! If not, you still have a new friend. x

Hi Imogen :) I have a really annoying problem where I know of guys that like me and say I'm 'fit', but never talk to me or ask me out. I don't know why this is and I don't know what to do about it! Also, the only ever boyfriend I've had (and I use the term 'boyfriend' loosely) asked me out by text!! Not as to go to the cinema or something, but like 'hey, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?' I don't know whether this is because guys are scared of me or what?!!! Please help! x Megan, 17, UK
Megan - boys may need to chase (there's nothing that will make them run away more than a girl chasing them) - but they also need a little encouragement. These boys you know will be on Facebook, or Twitter or MySpace or MSN messenger. Make them your friends, "bcc" them in on Funny Forwards (I write a whole chapter about this in the book). They then will start flirting online, you flirt back, you quickly move to real life conversations... they ask you out! Take care, Ix

I've had breast cancer and a mastectomy and am feeling totally unattractive especially as I am now 45. Is it possible for a man to be attracted to a mutilated woman like me? If so how on earth can I meet him? Online thing has never worked for me. I am a single mum to a young child which doesn't help either in the meeting men respect (great in other respects!). Any advice appreciated. thanks Jane, 45, London
Jane - thank you for your very touching message. You sound an extremely inspirational and wonderful woman. The first thing I suggest you do is go to Caroline Monk's website - www.carolinescampaign.org.uk. "Monkey" set up this charity after getting breast cancer herself as she wanted to help women going through cancer feel and look beautiful. Because, as women, if we feel good about ourselves and positive, we're more likely to fight. It may be worth speaking to your GP about also putting you in touch with other survivors and you can share your experiences. And then? Yes, a man absolutely can be attracted to you, but first of all work on feeling good about yourself. So, take bubble baths, have a new haircut- and buy beautiful underwear -check out www.eloise.co.uk for post mastectomy bras. Then, for one night a week if it's possible to have your child babysat for, do something you've always wanted to do. Take a course - skydiving, salsa, the local drama club. Anything to get you out and meeting new people. The more new people you meet, male or female, the more confidence you will gain - and the more likely you will meet someone special. Take care, Ix

The last relationship I was in was a serious one. It ended quite amiably with me moving out of my flat and back in with my parents (I could no longer afford rent). All of my girlfriends are still loved up with their boyfriend counterparts and are urging me to 'enjoy single life'. I'm afraid I'm finding that hard to do. I don't believe that anyone could want to be single and alone compared to having that special connection with someone that adores you (i.e. a boyfriend!). I work a normal 9-5 job but have quite a long commute - my weekday evenings are spent struggling to stay awake long enough to change into my pyjamas! My evenings out with my girlfriends have all but stopped as they usually drag their boys along and I'm not that excited about being around couples right now. How and where am I supposed to meet the great guys and start having all this single girl fun? I'm at a loss of how I will ever find someone to be with again and I'm absolutely hating being single! Maureen, 25, South East London
Thanks for your message! I think you need to read the book. The minute you want a boyfriend is the minute all men will get scared and run away. You also need to focus on the following fact: you can be lonelier in the wrong relationship that you ever can be when you're single. Your girlfriends are right - you need to start celebrating your single status. So, first find a flatshare with a single girl - email around at work, message your Facebook network etc. You then right off the bat are meeting a whole new demographic. Next, join a class or do something you've always wanted to do over the weekend - salsa, cooking, skydiving. It doesn't matter if it's a whole group of girls in the class, just new people in your world. Meanwhile, on weekday evenings make sure you shave your legs, pluck your eyebrows, take bubble baths - make yourself feel fabulous. So, when you go out with your new friends at the weekends, you feel confident. Your new friends will have friends. And guess what, some of them will be male - who will be intrigued to meet a girl who looks after herself and has been learning something she's always wanted to do... Ix

Hi Imogen, I have recently met a guy who is few years older than me. We had a few dates then I stayed over and we slept together. The next morning things seemed a little awkward. Before we left for work I asked if we wanted this to be a one night thing or if he would like to see me again? I'm not looking for a really serious relationship as I separated from my ex-partner only a few months ago. The guy said he would like to see me again but he said we need to slow things down. I didn't ask what he meant as I was a little shocked by his reaction. I later texted him to ask (which was probably the wrong thing to do). He said that I am spending too much time analysing what is happening! I could do with some advice please!! Many thanks. Louise Bradley, 23, East Yorkshire
Hi Louise, thanks for your message, which I had to edit a little because of space. You've done the normal girl thing of analysing; he's probably done the normal boy thing of going "aarrrgggh she's thinking rings on fingers". Take a step back, don't contact him but focus on work and seeing your friends. He will either a) contact you, step up and be nice and you can go out and have fun or b) while you're out with your friends you'll meet someone else who'll step up. Take care, Ix

Imogen, I love your book - it's razor-sharp, wise and full of excellent, street-savvy advice. I know it's aimed at single girls, but I'm a single gay guy who needs your wisdom... There's a guy at work. We flirt constantly and seem to have real, substantial feelings for each other - except he's in a relationship with another guy. Grr. Am I a fool to think anything should happen - even though he is a gentleman and nothing has happened yet, it seems like it would - or should I pursue it? If so, how? Thanks Xx P.S - You're gorgeous! Daniel, 28, London
Thank you so much! Lovely to hear from you Daniel. Doing something with someone from work is very tricky - if it goes wrong, it is a nightmare. Since this guy is attached as well - I'm afraid... you can't do anything. If you want to have a proper trusting relationship with this man, you need to know he's not a cheater. Therefore, he needs to ditch the other guy first, otherwise if you're with him you'll always be worried he could do the same to you. At the moment the object of your affection is slightly having his cake and eating it - he has you at work and the other guy at home. So, maybe chat about how you're looking for a relationship - and what does he suggest about you finding the perfect person (you can even drop in a "joke" about the fact that since he's attached you need to find someone else). Then, go looking. The man at work may well see sense, get single and date you properly. If not, you will find someone else anyway who does deserve you because he steps up - with the bonus that he doesn't work with you incase it all goes pear shaped... take care, Ix

Hi Imogen, I often come on your website and always think you offer great advice to others so here's my predicament. There is this guy I've been friends with him for about 5 months now. We were out one night and one thing led to another and i ended up back at his and stuff happened. The next day everything was cool - it didn't feel awkward or anything. Then a week or so later, he gave me the line "you're a great girl, I really like you, but I think we should just be friends". Since then we cleared the air everything was fine and things still are fine. I ended up walking home with him one night last month and he invited me to stay. Nothing happened between us we just chatted etc. I really enjoy his company and I feel like we get on, but maybe there could be something more? Thanks xx xx Jen, 23, UK
Thanks for your message - I've had to edit it a little for space. Honestly? Men aren't this clever. You kissed, he said he wanted to be friends - he wants to be just friends. You need to concentrate on having fun being single, letting other men stand a chance. Of course, if you do this, this guy may well suddenly decides he wants you after all - but by then you probably won't want him, and he shouldn't have been such a muppet not to date you properly in the first place! Take care, x

Dear Imogen. Happy New Year! Since last year I seem to have never gotten over my ex boyfriend. He quickly moved on getting a new girlfriend, whilst we remained 'friends'. I say this because we spoke every day until June with him telling me he loved me and I was the love of his life. I then found out he had been seeing someone since April, even though he had constantly denied anything was happening between them. After that we didn't speak for 2 months but since October we have again been in regular contact and last month he broke up with that girl. Unfortunately due a number of different factors in his life he has been diagnosed with depression. With us being so close I have been helping him and consoling him throughout this difficult period... however we then started sleeping together again and I realised I've never gotten over him and I'm still in love with him. After telling him this he declared that I was too good for him and that we shouldn't get back together, which has left me confused. How can he change his mind about me being the love of his life? I now don't know what to do, should I break all ties or keep speaking to him but not everyday? I don't want a repeat of 2008 where I am not moving on with my life and feeling heartbroken, yet I don't seem to be able to cut loose from him. :-( Simone, 21, London
Simone, if he's been diagnosed with depression he shouldn't be with anyone for a while - he needs to concentrate on him. He won't have anything in him to give you the love you deserve and need. Your best option at the moment is to make sure that he has the support round him to help him get through this - from family and friends to a therapist to St John's Wort or anti-depressants, and then take a step back and cut loose from him. He needs to preserve himself and so do you. Take care, Ix

I have a boyfriend and he's lovely but we are so different and argue often. I have stopped loving him as much since I met my "ideal" man - he's sweet, caring, pays more attention to me than my current boyfriend - and wants commitment. I'm really confused - on one hand I've got my un-commited boyfriend and on the other I've got this boy who wants to give me everything. I don't know what to do - HELP!!!! Sam, 19, Brighton, UK
Hi Sam, it sounds to me that taking the new guy out of it, you and your boyfriend are making each other unhappy. So, whatever is happening outside, breaking up is probably something you both need to do and talk through. If you do decide to do something with the new guy, take it slow. He sounds lovely and you don't want him to be hurt by ending up being your "rebound" guy - far better to go out and have fun being single on your own for a while. Plus you won't then hurt your current boyfriend by moving on so quickly. Ix

I have a new boss at work recently, he's a few levels above me, ie. he's my boss's boss's boss. He's a very nice, shy and attractive guy and I quite like him. He is single and doesn't have a girlfriend, we have a lot in common, we came from the same country and have the same hobbies. I think we're a perfect match. If he were not my boss, I would probably ask him out or do something to seduce him, but now since we have to work together, and he's in charge of everything about my job, I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes, I feel that he likes me too but since he's very shy and he's the big boss in the office, he cannot do anything either. I don't mind to take initiatives in a relationship but this situation is too tricky, what should I do? Sun, 33, New York
Sun, I'm afraid in this case you should do absolutely nothing. Even the best case scenario if you do something is pretty dreadful - you date, everyone in the office will resent it, and it will cause problems to both your careers. The only time you (or he) can make a move is if/when one of you leave the company. It's dull but such is life... Ix

Dear Imogen, I *kind of* have feelings for this guy that I started hanging out with recently. He is perfect, does cute things like when I inform him I'm studying for exams, brings me treats, etc. He's sweet, caring, thoughtful... but he hasn't tried anything on me yet-not even a kiss. I dont know if he truly likes me or what...I'm not used to guys being this SUPER nice. Why hasn't he made a move and why do I feel this way? Thank You :) Hilary, 20, Toronto
Hilary - sounds to me like he's really shy. Men do need encouragement! You mentioned in the longer version of your message, which I had to edit a little because of space, that you have a mutual friend - maybe it's worth talking to him. Otherwise, if you're sure that you really want to kiss this guy and not just have him as a friend (once you've crossed that line you can't go back), crack open a bottle of wine, watch a scary movie, and jump into his arms... Or just find some mistletoe... Not subtle, but maybe he needs unsubtle!! Happy Holidays, Ix

I am in love with this boy, George, who I first saw playing basketball (which he takes very seriously) in the park. At first he would tell me that I'm beautiful and there'd be sweet cute talk that I would die for. He used to go the school I'm in, but then he moved to another in the area and my parents got stricter about me spending time watching his basketball. He started to say I'm not supportive and other mean stuff. Although I'm kissing him he still won't make me his girlfriend - he says he's too busy with basketball and that he will when the season is over, but that I don't have to wait for him if I don't want to. He's also flirting with other girls and has anger issues. I can't talk to a guyfriend without him yelling at me. Should I wait or should I go?? Amanda, 15, Tampa
Amanda, thanks for your message which I've edited a little for space. George sounds like he's having his cake and eating it. He does probably really like you - but you're still there for him even though he's flirting with other girls and being mean to you. It's time to call his bluff. I know it's hard, but tell him you'll only kiss someone who's your boyfriend, and stop doing anything physical with him. Hang out with your friends, both guys and girls. George will either step up and come to you and go out with you properly - or you'll meet another guy who will treat you as you deserve. Take care, Ix

Back in may this year I read a magazine artical about you and you had 2 sequin/beaded handbags styled like Smartie and Malteser wrappers. I really loved them and have tried to hard to find them. can you Advise where you purchased them? Thank you Helen Jenkins, 32, Luton
I love those bags! Sometimes I go out with real life Malteser or Smartie packets in them! I bought them forever ago from Anya Hindmarch...

Although I'm leading a busy single life with lots of friends and hobbies, I've never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone. I feel like such a freak and I don't know how to talk to or approach a man. What's wrong with me? I attend clubs and have some male friends, I'm reasonably outgoing...I don't know how I can get out of this situation. :( I'm sick of being such a waste of space...I really feel like all the wonderful things I do mean nothing because I've never had anyone care. Sorry to moan! Gemma, 25, Cardiff
Gemma, don't apologise. All the wonderful things you do absolutely matter; a man can't give anyone self worth. Indeed, they often take it away. If I were you, I'd try and confide in a genuine girlfriend about this as sometimes we need our friends to push us in the direction of men, whether it be setting us up - or providing pep talks in nightclub loos! Take care, Ix

I've been involved with an older man for some months who has left me fuming, although I am trying to play it cool. In fact, yesterday he asked why I had broken contact so suddenly recently. This was because about a month ago when I suggested we meet up, he replied via e-mail saying that he was in a relationship now (this was five days after we slept together) and that he didn't think it was fair on his partner. This "partner" is a "stunning" girl he has met on-line abroad in the Phillipines, who I don't believe he has met yet. I do miss him though, and when I asked him why we couldn't take things further he said that I wasn't beautiful, tall or intellecutal enough for him. I've changed my image a bit recently, e.g have been getting spray tans and am trying to lose some weight. I guess I'm hoping that we'll bump into each other, as well as trying to boost my confidence that is. Zoe, 30, Surrey
Zoe, thanks for your message, which I've edited a bit because of space. This man is a complete and utter LOSER. There is nothing worthwhile about him at all. Delete his number, focus on you, making new friends and cut this toxic monstrosity out of your life! Take care, Ix

Hi Imo, I've been going out with this guy for 8 months and now he's started acting really weird around me. It's like he has no time for me, and up until a couple of weeks ago we were madly in love. Now he can't seem to tear himself away from his x-box, or if we're out he's more interested in talking to other people then talking to his girlfriend. Is it me? I'm so worried because I have really fallen for him and I don't want to get hurt. V xx Vanessa, 20, London
Relationships go through different stages. The worst thing you can do right now is get clingy or worried at him. Instead, although you may not be feeling it, act cool. Make arrangements to do some stuff without him - see your friends, your family etc. When you're out you go off first to talk to someone else. He may well be feeling a little claustrophobic; everyone can do in a relationship sometimes. To survive, every relationship needs space. Doing some things apart will actually bring you closer together. Embrace it, don't fear it. Take care, Ix

About a year ago, as soon as I jumped out of bed, this name ‘Imogen’ popped into my head and just kept repeating itself. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what or who Imogen was (I had never heard of such a name). Anyways, later on that same day I walked into a bookstore, lo and behold in front of me was SGG by Imogen Lloyd Webber! Being completely in awe, I stood there in silence gazing at this book for a minute or 3. Eventually opened the book to a random page and was startled by the message that was obviously meant for me at the time, thank you. I’ve been a fan ever since… Being a 29 year old single girl practically all my life (with random flings in between) it’s becoming a bit daunting to think that I should go on as an SG partly because... I’m still a virgin. The reason for this is because I was never in a long-term relationship and I don’t believe in 1-night stands. Also, I am too afraid of contracting some sort of transmitted disease. I know that all men are different but do you think that men would find it odd and be put off by this? VS, 29, South Africa
So pleased you enjoyed the book! The right man is not put off by baggage - or the lack of it. What I will say, is fantastic that you're waiting for the right person, but don't be too afraid of kissing a few frogs along the way. No man is perfect, and although we don't want to end up with a Kermit, there isn't any such thing as a Prince either. Take care, Ix

Dear Imogen, I'm so stressed out at the moment - I'm trying to do my A-Levels, work, spend time with family, AND sort out all my friends' problems. The thing is, several of them have bloody awful home lives, and one of the guys is really down - I'm majorly worried about him, as he's drinking waaaaay too much, and he's threatened more than once to kill himself. Then there are my two best mates, (at least, they were) who've both got boyfriends and have effectively ditched me - both the boyfs are incredibly jealous, so they spend all their time with their boyfriends. My best guy mate recently broke up with his girlfriend too, and he's really down. The thing is, I myself don't really have any issues, as my family are fine and I am pretty much okay. I just worry all the time about everything, and I don't sleep well any more. How am I supposed to do all the things I need to do and look after myself, without letting everyone else down? Thanks, Em x Em, 17, Newcastle
Em - thank you for writing. I think lots of people will relate to where you are at the moment. Sweetheart, you can't sort out everyone's problems - only they can do that. And by running yourself ragged you're not helping either you or them. So right now, the most important thing, is to focus on is you. It's not being selfish, it's self preservation. I had a friend who during A Levels got so stressed out about everyone else she messed them up and the results still plague her CV to an extent. So, you are not letting everyone else down if you're not always available. Slowly but surely, put up a few boundaries. Finish your homework then reply to texts. See your family, then take their calls if you can cope - otherwise text and say you'll speak the following day. If your family want youo to do something explain you need to do your work first but then you'll be about. Make sure that before you go to bed you have some "just me" time. Take a lavender bubble bath, or do whatever it is you can to switch off and relax (and that includes turning your phone off). If your friends ask why, just admit that you're having trouble sleeping and dealing with everything - you don't need to be superwoman. As far as your girlfriends go with their new boyfriends - they will regret their behaviour, so it's just worth kindly pointing out a little here and there that ditching you for their men is not very girl power. If they say love lasts forever point out the mess your best guy mate is in. The one big thing is your male friend who's really down and drinking too much. You cannot deal with this on your own and make him better, he needs help and you need support. Confide in someone - your Mum, your school counsellor (they can't blab that it was you, they're not allowed), or a teacher you trust. They have the training to look after him and have probably already spotted there's a problem. Em, please take a step back and take care. You sound like an amazing person and you'll still be an amazing friend. You're no good to anyone if you're in a mess too. Ix

I work in a store and twice a week this guy comes in and he seemed to like me. We exchanged numbers and texted... then he accused me of playing games, so we stopped. Next thing, he comes in, says he wants to meet, we do, we make out and now he's acting weird again. He will text me but only if I text him. What do I do, I really like him! Sara, 36, Virginia
Sara, you're confused because he's confused. Everyone's been there, texting people, pursuing them. Unfortunately there is one simple truth here (that a guy friend of mine pointed out!): if a man wants you, he will come and get you. If you stop texting him, get on with things, he'll probably come back. Even if he doesn't, you haven't embarrassed yourself. And you know what? Someone worthy will come in to your world. Passive is active here. Take care, Ix

I really don't have any idea how you are 30, single and enjoying your time! I am only 18 and I feel HORRIBLE that I am single. I am studying abroad and I feel so alone - I have no family or friends. I really need a boyfriend so I can be happy. Dee, 18, Bahrain
Dee, a boyfriend won't make you happy. Infact, they can make you unhappier than you have ever been. The only way to get happy, is to get happy in yourself. Then, when you're ready, the right person will come into your life. You are 18 - you have the whole world in front of you. First of all, you are studying, so there will be a support network wherever you're doing that. There's nothing wrong in saying to your school counsellor - "I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment", and they will help you move forward. Since you're studying, slowly but surely make friends with the people on your course. If you feel nervous make a Conversation List beforehand (if you scroll below you'll see me giving advice to a girl just about to start uni on this). Then, you need to concentrate on you. Join a gym, or take exercise classes. That will again make you feel better about yourself and those endorphins that you get will work wonders. Pamper yourself. Take long baths, experiment with your make up at home, find the style that makes you feel confident. It will get better. But please, if you're feeling really down do tell a Doctor or a counsellor. People are around to support. Take care.

Hi...I love your book, but I'm having real trouble staying cheerful about being single, I never seem to meet any men to even play with. It's pretty depressing...how do you keep positive in the low moments, or failing that, find decent men?! Jessie, 24, London
The awful thing is, the minute you start looking, is the minute men never appear. So Jessie, the thing I do is, surround myself with friends, go out as much as possible finding new friends.. and in the process they keep you up when you're down - and when you're out, you never know who you might meet. Take care, Ix

I posted a question last year, it is still at the bottom of the questions page. I am the 'victim' of a serial All Text No Trousers A-hole. It's been going on for 3 years. I'd forgetten all about him and then he sent a text after 10 months asking me out. I looked him up on a social networking site and he is getting MARRIED next month. I am furious and really upset. But the problem is I don't know WHY I am so upset? Is it because this has been going on for so long and he never mentioned the significant other? Is it because I feel stupid? Anyway, I sent him a polite and curt email on the networking site, acknowledging his impending nupitals, congratulating him and also telling him to delete my number and to never contact me again. Did I do the right thing? I just wanted to warn other girls that All Text No Trousers men are probably not available but get a kick out of attention. And that you should probably start a new category entititled 'text pests'.I want to get out there and find new men and forget all about text pest!! Your comments/advice on my situation are most welcome. LH, 28, london
Your originial message really stuck with me, and I know this one will too. Every girl has suffered - and you absolutely have, from a man who is "All Text No Trousers". I have been told the most incredible stories from women who have been promised the earth via text... And then to have been horribly let down when these men don't even have the guts to actually see them. Probably because these guys were leading them on as they were with someone else. The fact that it was "virtual" doesn't take the pain away. You have so done the right thing with this man. Many men think texts don't count (I know of one HUSBAND who claimed to his wife it didn't). As a player of a Platonic Boyfriend told me once - "real men, call". You will find someone that calls and treats you as you deserve. Take care, Ix

I'm friends with Ana for about 3 years. I'm pretty shy, so she introduced me to a group of her friends over the summer. I've become close to them and we now hang out and call each other, including a boy called Rick. She really likes him and he likes her, but when he asked her out, after a day they decided they just wanted to be friends. She told me he's like a brother to her, but I really know that she likes him still. Now she doesn't want me to talk or hang with him at all. I'm not interested in him but I do like being his friend, and even if I did like him I wouldn't flirt or go out with him out of respect to Ana. Her mom told my mom basically that she is extremely jealous and if I don't stop my friendship with Rick, she will probably not talk with me any more. She does know I like this other boy though, so I don't see what the problem is. What do I do? Marissa, 14, Milford, PA
Marissa - you talk to Ana. You sit down, tell her you're her friend, that you would never do anything to hurt her. That your friendship with Rick will never be anything more. Also, you can VERY gently suggest that if you do stop speaking to Rick, it's going to look strange, he'll ask questions - and that could get embarrassing for Ana. Girls are more important - you know that, and assure Ana of that. Take care, I.

Help!! I wrote to you before about a guy. We were texting but he doesn't seem so interested anymore. I don't know what to do as I really like him. Sometimes I feel I'm not up to his standards because he has enough girls and I think what's so special about me? salema, 19, london
Salema - this guy sounds like a prize A-hole. Stop texting him, ignore him and concentrate on making yourself feel good. Hang out with your friends, go out with them... and keep an open mind to meeting someone new. You are special. This guy isn't. (And you know what - I bet the minute you walk away from him is the minute he comes running... and by that point you'll have moved on to someone worthy). He doesn't deserve you.

Hi Imogen! I read your advice column and I'm totally impressed with the advice you're giving to all the confused souls in the world, navigating through this confusing world of love, searching for the "right one..." As you point out, friendship's the first door one should take and time is never of the essence. All the best to you. Doc~N~Roll, 47, NYC
Many thanks!

Hello Imo! Well I've been around your blog and space for about two hours or so... (and also reading a few chapters of your book on Amazon!). So far I think your work is fantastic! and I really would like to get a copy of your book. My question is: do you know if it's available in Mexican bookstores? Thanks! Karen, 21, somewhere in Mexico City
Many thanks for your message - pleased you're enjoying my writing! Not sure about stores in Mexico, but Amazon will deliver...

Hi Imogen! I'm stuck in a really difficult situation. I recently kissed a close friend of mine, and it's basically been carrying on ever since. We've always had a really flirty relationship, and used to fancy each other, but recently I've been having feelings for another guy mate of mine. He asked me out in the past, but I was going through a 'la la la, can't be bothered with boyfriends' phase, plus I was studying, so I turned him down. He's in another relationship now, which he isn't particuarly happy in. I am enjoying the attention from boy number 1, and we have a lot of fun, but I do really like boy 2. Even though he's miserable, he doesn't seem to have any intention of separating from this girl. If he does, though, I'm stuck in this situation with boy number 1... Help!? Em x Em, 17, Newcastle Upon Tyne
On this one, I think it's best if you take a deep breath, and look at everything from a friend, rather than potential girlfriend's, perspective. As a friend, you wouldn't want boy number 1 to go into a relationship with a girl who wasn't sure she wanted to be with him. So you need to figure out if you really do or not, otherwise it's unfair on him. As for boy number 2 - he's got a girlfriend, which you don't think he's going to end. While he's with her, you can do nothing - female solidarity is way more important. Plus, the fact that he's not leaving her probably means he's more attached to her than he's letting onto the world - no one knows what's going on in a relationship but the 2 people in it (and they don't know half the time!). Take care, Ix

Dear Imogen, I recently slept with a much older guy and we became friends. Now I've ended up falling in love with him but he told me he "doesn't do relationships" and just wants to be friends. But I have intense feelings and attraction towards him. He says he isn't interested in having anything with anyone. It breaks my heart... I just want to be with him. What am I to do?! xo Thank you Christina, 17, Australia
Oh Christina, MEN. I am so, so, sorry - my heart goes out to you. You can't make him want to be in a relationship, all you can do is take care of yourself and your heart. So take a step back, tell him you need space to get over him, and don't speak/see him for a while. You need to be able to allow someone else into your world who will treat you as you deserve and be with you properly. Either he will realise that he doesn't want to lose you and will come back and have a serious relationship with you, or you will have moved on and no longer care. You have your whole life ahead of you and the world at your feet - you should be with someone who is amazing to you, and will make you soar - not make you cry. Take care, Ix

How can you tell if a guy likes you? I really like this guy but I don't think he likes me! clarissa, 13, London
Honestly Clarissa, at the moment just focus on being his friend and hanging out with your friends. Time will tell if it's something more or not, but whatever happens, you will have a great friend. (And if you are just friends with boys, they tend to hang around a lot longer and are much nicer - trust me on this!)

I'm having some problems living a single life!.. I saw that eveybody loves your book!How is life better being single? Please Answer My Question!:D Jenny, 28, Bronx NY
Jenny, life can be so good I wrote a book about it - I don't even mention men for 6 chapters! You get to focus on YOU. On making sure your working life is fulfilling, lavishing TIME on getting the body you want (men play havoc on waistlines, amongst other things..). You get to hang out with the friends you want to, go to the places you like the most... you are in absolute control of your world - and it is to be celebrated, not feared! ;)

Hello, I wrote to you a couple of weeks ago. I'm a bit lost as the situation between my ex and myself has got worse - unfortunately I didn't follow the advice in your brilliant book. I bumped into the ex with his new girlfriend and hit him, because a couple of days before he texted me saying how he will care about me forever and was saying he was depressed about our split. The shock of seeing him with his new girlfriend after these messages sent me over the edge. I texted him today apologising and asking to sort things out, yet he hasn't replied. I don't know where to go from here because I'm fed up of being upset by him. Since I haven't got a reply I blocked his messages yet I don't know if that is the right thing because I'll always be wondering if he contacted me. So I was wondering what you think? Thanks. Sarah, 21, London
Sarah, a few things here. First of all, men move on quicker physically than emotionally, so you don't know what's going on in his head. That said, you don't need him in your life right now. I suggest unblocking your phone, change his address book entry to "Never Contact" and never contact him first again. You need to focus on moving on and meeting someone new and for that you need space. If he does contact you, at least you know and won't be torturing yourself either way, but if anything he says requires a response say that you don't want to see him for now. There's a big wide world out there now you're properly single - embrace it, this can be a fantastic time in your life!

Hey again, sorry but I forgot to mention that I'm going to be living at home so I won't be in halls... Any other tips as I fear that people already in halls will form tight groups and I wil be like an outsider. Thanks for the other suggestions - I especially like your list suggestion :) x Nez, 18, UK
OK if you're not in halls, just make sure you go to everything that you're asked to ("Never Refuse An Invitation" - is what an Aunt once told me when I'd just moved to NY some years ago and knew practically NOBODY - she was so right!). So Freshers inductions, the fair, the queue in the ladies loos etc... there will be, I guarantee it, someone else looking lost in the room, so go up to them and use one of your list questions. Everyone will be looking to chat to different people. Also, use your list to start talking to all the people you sit next to on your course. That will have induction days too and you MUST go along to them! If you find yourself hiding at home, tell yourself off and go out there again. What's the worst that could happen? Everyone is feeling scared, it's just some hide it more! x

Hey Imogen, I'm an 18 year old extremely shy girl when I first meet people. No matter how hard I try to calm myself down and just be who I am, something pulls me back and I just feel really stupid. I start uni next week and am really worried because I know noone and I don't drink or dance and am worried that my freshers week will be horrific and everyone will think I'm the boring, dull one in the corner. The thing is once I get to know someone I do open up and the not so quiet person appears, but I just don't do well around loads of people. HELP - any advice would be good. What if no one likes me? x Nez, 18, UK
Oh Nez, first of all, you are so not alone in feeling like this. EVERYONE starting uni will be utterly terrified, they just show it in different ways. I was the shyest child in the world, and in so many ways still am, but I've learnt how to cover it up. During Freshers week, focus on going to the Freshers Fair (see if your next door neighbour in your halls of residence/your roommate will go with you as wingman - I guarantee they'll be as nervous as you!) and have a look at all the societies that will be displaying there. There'll be at least one that will really interest you so focus on joining that. This will be an easy entry into likeminded people and a much smaller group. Do say 'yes' if someone on your corridor invites you to the shop/bar/wherever - you don't need to drink to go, just say calmly it's not something you do and change the subject. However confident other people appear, it's an act. I find that making a Conversation List (whether in my head or written down) really helps me in scary situations. So this week you should do one to help you with those first conversations with people. You can ask them where they're from, what subject they're doing, if they took a GAP year... You are about to enter the most fantastic years of your life, so take a deep breath, and enjoy! Good Luck! Ix

Hi there, I really fancy this guy badly. I emailed him at the weekend and haven't had a reply. He may be busy with uni and changed his number - but he is a real player. How do I make him realise he needs me? Salema, 19, london
Salema, there's a hard truth once told to me by a platonic boyfriend who was at the time the biggest player in town. "Imogen, if a man wants you, he will come and get you. If he doesn't, he won't". I don't always remember this advice, and when I don't, I end up sobbing as the player always treats me badly. The only way to get this man to come and go out with you is to stop contacting him, look fabulous and aloof when you do see him, he'll think of you as a challenge and come get you. If he doesn't, you haven't humiliated yourself, and it'll be his loss, someone else's gain - you'll end up with another man who will treat you as the Goddess you are...

I had been with my ex-fiance for 12 years. He thought that I didn't love him anymore so had an affair that didn't work out - he slept with another person during it, who he is now seeing. I still love him very very much and he still cares about me but he thinks that it will never work if we get back together. How do I get him back? Shele, , virginia
Shele - he's told you it's not going to work, you need to take a step back from him, focus on being single and enjoying it and allowing other people into your world. In all those 12 years you didn't get married - that's a big sign that you weren't right for each other. Now is the opportunity to allow the right person in. Of course a part of you will always love him - you have history together, but now is time for you to make a future with someone else.

Hey Imogen, I've got a problem. I was with a boy for nearly two years on and off. We were madly in love and I got butterflies everytime I saw him. We recently split up and he's now with another girl... everytime I see them they look so in love and do everything together but not like what we did. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can move on. please help! x Chloe, 16, England
Chloe, my heart goes out to you, it is always so utterly horrible when you see someone you really loved with someone else. I do cover all this in the book. First of all, fling yourself into school and being busy and doing stuff that makes you feel good - whether be that having bubble baths, getting your friends to make you over, exercising, whatever. Then focus on hanging out with your friends as much as possible - maybe in new places, but being with people. At some point, you will meet someone else who gives you butterflies, and will treat you, the superstar, as you deserve. Hang on in there. Thinking of you, Ix

Hi! I have been (had been) with my boyfriend for a year now, admitedly most of it wasn't official as he was scared of commitment. Everything was going fine until last week he rang up and said he wanted to split up. It was so random as a few days before he was teling me how much he liked me and missed me. He said he still absolutely adores me and loves me to bits and am the best girlfriend he's ever had but just needs to be on his own. He said he had said from the start he's not good at relationships but surely he's got to learn and not run away from his problems without even discussing how he feels with me first? He now wants to be friends. I still really like him and know he likes me, it's just that he got scared. I don't want to forget about him and I don't understand what I'm supposed to do? Lucy Lucy, 20, Leeds
Lucy, I'm sorry you're having a shocker. You're right - he does need to learn how to discuss his problems. The only thing to do now is to take a step back. Say you can't be "just friends" at the moment because it's all too difficult and YOU need space (at the moment his world is all about HIM - that's not right). Either he will then come back and step up to the plate and treat you properly, or you will then be able to move on and someone who will treat you as you deserve will come into your path. What he is doing at the moment is unacceptable - and he needs to learn that. Good luck, Ix

I started seeing this guy, K, about August 2007 and things seemed to be going really well, although he was extremely sensitive about commitment. This past May he decided he couldn't be with me because of one of his friends who I was seeing over 2 years ago now. We'll name him 'J'. But J and I didn't even sleep with each other. We only kissed a couple of times. K had really made me feel special and now I don't understand why he will not just talk to me. Maria, 21, London
Hi Maria, thanks for your message which I've had to edit a little for space. Honestly? For your own sanity you need to take a step back, not contact K and get on with your life. If he really wants to be with you he will get over this crazy jealousy of J and step up. If he doesn't, you will have been open to meeting someone else and they will treat you as you deserve. You're 21 - you need to be out there enjoying it and this situation with K is stopping you doing that, and that is wrong. Take care, Ix

Hello. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, 5 months ago. Up until recently he called me every day, even though 2 months after we broke up I found out that he had already started sleeping with someone else. I managed to get past this and remain on speaking terms with him. I have now decided to take a month's break from him and then see where we are because we are still in love with each other. My question is can you be friends with an ex even in these circumstances or is it better to just cut off all ties and move on? Sarah Brown, 21, London
Sarah - there is no right or wrong answer to this. It changes with the people and situations involved. What I will say is that in my experience - both my own and through all the women I've spoken to in my research, it is initially really hard to be just friends. There's too much emotional baggage. So, what you're doing by taking a break from him is the right thing for now. In a month's time you either meet him and decide to make another proper go of it, or you decide to take a step back so as to allow other people into both your worlds. I suspect it's unlikely in just 4 weeks you will be able to both get over each other. In time, you might then be able to be friends when you've both got other partners. Time doesn't heal all wounds, but it does bring perspective. Take care, Ix

Hi - Wonderful book!!! I met a guy off a social network site for a drink last week and after a truly amazing evening of laughing... and a little drinking, for the first time in my life I lost all my inhibitions and ended up taking him back to my Hotel where we spent the next 24 hours in bed. After the initial flurry of texts from him things have gone a little quiet. We provisionally arranged to meet up again this Thursday but it hasn't been mentioned for a couple of days. How do I find out if he's still up for it without looking too keen? Thank you so much x Vicky, 35, London
Pleased you enjoyed the book! Well it certainly sounds like you've got a connection with this man! Assuming he hasn't lost his mobile, there are 2 plausible reasons for his silence. 1) He's busy with work (males can't multi-task like we can) or 2) He's having a panic attack (probably only a mild case since there was the flurry of texts and a date in the diary). Honestly, now the only thing you can do is nothing. Passive is active. He knows where to find you, and will come and get you if he is remotely sensible. If it's not this Thursday, then it is somewhat rude, but you still need to leave it. If you still haven't heard from him in a week or so "bcc" him (chapter 7 of the book) a funny forward. It may take a little time, but if the relationship is worth something, it'll come through. Good luck! Ix

Hi, I havent had a chance to read your book but I can't wait to get my hands on it! Before I ask you what to do I just want to say well done, you're helping so many people - it's lovely to read about them. OK here goes, there's a boy in my college and we once had a thing but it didn't last long. However we are now really close again and I think I like him but he has a girl friend... help!! x Amy, 16, England
Amy thanks for your lovely comments about the book and site! About the boy... He has a girlfriend, and if he wants you, he has to end it with her and then come back and get YOU. If you kiss him while he's attached, you'll never be able to trust him if you're dating - he's a cheater. Plus, there's female solidarity to consider. So, for your own sanity, take a step back. Spend more time with your other friends and going out with them, and keep an open mind to other boys. If one of them asks you out, GO. That'll make this boy think (at the moment he is having his cake and eating it - he has 2 girls who think the world of him). If he really wants you, he'll come get you as he won't be able to bear the thought of you dating other people. And if he doesn't, you will have moved on and not wasted your time pining over someone who just wants to be friends... Good luck! Ix

Hi Imogen, I've somehow managed to get myself into a bit of a situation! I was seeing someone from work and now that the relationship is over (he did the breaking up) I'm not sure how to be myself at work with him. I took the professional business as usual route, but I now realise that I have failed to set up some healthy barriers. He is overly friendly and affectionate with me, and this isn't helping me get over him. I'm angry with him as in my opinion he's being selfish and insensitive and messing with my feelings! Whilst at the same time I fear I may be to blame for not keeping him at a distance. eeek Help. Thanks for any advice you can give. Becky Becky, 29, London
You've had a bit of a shocker, but there are 2 bits of good news here. The first is, since you see him the whole time, instead of putting him on a pedestal and pining over him you realise he's not perfect. Over time this means you will get over him better than other ex's who you don't see (absence making the heart grow fonder and all that). The second is, it's not too late to put up barriers. Don't reciprocate if he gets affectionate; instead explain quietly and clearly that his behaviour is unprofessional and inappropriate. When he says he wants to be friends, say you can be colleagues but you are not in a position for friendship at the moment (men only say they want to be friends to make themselves feel better - how does it help you?). Stay strong, and you will get through this. Ix

I'm a single Mum with 3 kids aged 13,10 & 4. I met this 26 year old off a dating site and it was almost love at first sight for us both. He lives 80 miles away and is married to his job and doesn't get much time off work. We went away on hols after a month, but then he started to become distant, and in the end I pushed for a reason and he ended it saying he coudn't see it lasting long term. Since then neither of us can leave the other alone, texting and calling. I'm now lost and in limbo. I just don't feel like it's over and unless he sees me properly and talks it's never going to get resolved. HELP! x Ann, 38, Wolverhampton
Hi Ann, thanks for your message, which I've had to edit a little because of space. Honestly? For your sanity you need to take a step back. Say to him - I can't keep doing this. Either you are with me or you are not, but at the moment it is too hard for you to be just friends with him. If he's not in your life you can then be open to meeting someone else who will be with you as you deserve. Good luck! Ix

Hi Imo! I'm married (bored)and through work 'met' a guy via email. What started innocently (I wasn't looking!) has become a little more... I've explained that I don't want love, just some fun and we arranged to meet twice. Twice he called to cancel. He's now suggesting we meet up again. Imo, what do you think of this honey? Jane x x x x Jane, 42, London
Jane... you're married! So first of all you need to figure out whether you want to stay with your husband and make it work. And if it's a no, split. The reason why email guy keeps cancelling? Probably because he doesn't want to mess with his head by getting involved with an unavailable woman!! You need to make a decision about who - and what - you want.

Hi, I need some help. I'm interested in this lad I know. When I talk to him he looks at me constantly, he smiles at me all the time and is always asking my friend when he is going to see me again. Do you think he is interested? He's a very shy 19 year old tho. Lisa, 23, Redruth
Well Lisa he certainly sounds interested. It's time for Chapter 7 of my Single Girl's book! Men like to feel they are in control, but are also scared of rejection. So, steer the conversation when you next see him on to Facebook/Myspace/Bebo (he's sure to be on one of them). Connect with him as a friend, and then start bantering with him online. It could be about anything. Once you've a cyber conversation going, suggest a film/bar you'd like to go to... and suddenly, if he's interested, you have a real life date!

I have finally divorced after 22 years of a fulfilling yet awful up and down relationship. I have a little boy and am single again. I went on holiday and need some advice as I have messed up. My best friend's husband flirted with me and he gave me his mobile. I was lonely and also excited as I fancied him 22 years ago and I feel like I have fallen for him big time. Help! asha khan, 39, birmingham
Hi Asha, thanks for your message which I've edited for space. You're lonely, starved of affection, so this man had an affect on you. But he is your best friend's husband - she will always be there. And men? They come and go. So you need to delete his number, walk away, and concentrate on making sure you feel happy in you. In what you do, in how you look, and spending time with your son, family and friends. Then a single man will be attracted to the happy in herself you. Attached men have to be off limits. Sisterhood comes first!!

Hey Imogen! Not only do we have the same name but my birthday is one day before yours! (crazy times!!) Anyway I am in the process of choosing my A levels and I was wondering if you have any advice as my aim is to go to Oxbridge after 6th Form. Which A levels did you take? At the moment my choices are Maths, History, English literature and English Language but I don't know if this is a good combination! I know this doesn't have anything to do with dating, but if you could help it would be great. :D Imogen, 16, Cumbria
How funny with those coincidences! As far as Oxbridge goes, take the advice of your teachers, and then go with what you really love. I will say that mixing arts and sciences can make you more intriguing to Oxbridge (and also employers) so if you can bear to hang on to the Maths, do it! Hope all goes well with the GCSE results next week. Ix

Hi Imo! LOVE the book, but just wondered if you had any tips for hot spots to play outside of London central? Where I live - a tiny town just past Windsor - is practically dead in terms of social life and although I'm an MA student I want to have some fun off campus! Any ideas for classy venues on a not-unlimited budget? Thanks! Lily, 24, Egham, Surrey
Hi Lucy, so pleased you liked the book! I had friends who did MAs precisely where you are now... I do remember them having a lot of fun. One might say too much fun. The most important component of any night is the people. Why not hold a picnic (it can be a carpet one in someone's room/student house if the weather is rubbish) for say, 3 of your friends. You ALL have to invite someone of the opposite sex who no one else knows. This could be someone from home who comes to visit, a cute new arrival with the new term... Everyone has to bring finger food and alcohol. Obviously.

Hi Imo... I've known this guy for 3 years now and I like him (I think)!?! When we first met we sort of got together but I decided it wasn't for me. I've not been in contact with him for over a year, but now he's contacted me again and I'm not sure what to do, because now I want him!!! Can you help me?? Rach, 22, Cumbria
Rach, things are looking positive here. He contacted you, which would imply he likes you too. Arrange to meet up (date tips in Chapter 8 of my book) and just see what happens...

Hi Imogen, I love the book! But I desperately need help on how to flirt with men! I have no idea what to do which results in me blurting out drunkenly "i like you!" which obviously doesn't go down too well. Please give me some tips so if i find the right man I know how to take things further. Lucie, 20, Manchester
Pleased you enjoyed the book! The thing about men is, think "caveman"! They love the thrill of the chase. We've all made the mistake of displaying how keen we are on them - and they run away. So, next time you're out and meet someone, I suggest turning the chat round to whether they're on Facebook/Bebo/My Space (they will be on one!). Then go off with your friends. Next day, you're allowed to contact them online... and let them then take control and ask you out after a bit of flirting! See Chapter 7 in my book for tips!

Hi there Imogen.. I'm having trouble with a girl at work who keeps thinking she is better than me and bickering at me and I dont know what to do. What can you suggest??? Ya book is cool by the way ;) Oh and I really try with my appearance and being healthy but what can I do to not to give up? salema, 21, -
Hey there... So pleased you enjoyed the book! I suspect that the best way to deal with this girl is to be crazily nice. Don't rise to the bait. She'll then either give up being a pain or in a few weeks you sit down with her and calmly ask if there's something you're doing that's upsetting her. She'll have to stop behaving so childishly. As for being healthy and stuff - don't beat yourself up if you are occasionally naughty (I type this hungover!) but also remember that if you feel good about yourself you're going to be happier...

Hi Imogen, I just wanted to tell you how much your book is helping me! I'm going through a very tough time at the moment. I have a close member of family who is dying of cancer, I have just graduated uni and am having difficulty getting a job and also having man trouble too! I had a distraction but he has started a relationship with someone else. I let myself fall for him and I'm heartbroken. Anyway I read bits of your book every night and it always makes me smile and realise that being single is not the end of the world. So thank you so much. xxxx Holly, 21, Sheffield
Holly thank you so much for your message. I'm so sorry to hear about your relative being so ill. Everything when it can, does always seem to go wrong at once. Hang on in there, thinking of you, Ix

Hello, Imogen and single ladies! I was hoping to see more queries posted here that would pertain to balancing work, social activities, domestic chores, pets, errands, and relationships (of all kinds: lovers, friends, family, co-workers). However, it seems every comment begins "so there's this guy" or "I'm normal, why can't I meet anyone?" And one thought came to my mind...a watched pot never boils! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm single as anyone, but fixating on boys/guys/men/women (if that's the case) seems very 'high school' to me. We're fabulous women now! Don't hide out in your house. Don't obsess over one guy. Get out of your bubble. Smile. Don't walk around with your phone stuck to your head. Read Imogen's book! Good luck to everyone in all facets of their lives! :) Jessica, 30, Florida
Jessica - loving your message, I'm smiling ear to ear!!! Thank you so much for writing, Ix

Dear Imo, I have been platonic friends with a man for about five years, he recently divorced from his wife. He asked me out and while I'll admit that I am attracted to him. However, because of the circumstances surrounding his divorce, I believe all I would be is the rebound girl. I told him that we should keep things the way they are and go from there. He's taken it as if I have given him the "let's be friends" brush off. Now we are no longer speaking. Is there any way for us to remain friends and get that connection back? Natalia, 30, Pueblo, CO
The platonic/non-platonic thing can be so hard... Honestly, this is a tough one. I think the only thing to do is to explain to him exactly why you don't think you should date - at the moment. Gently talk about how you see he is hurt, and that also you are very frightened of being rebound girl and that you will get very hurt too. If he's not speaking to you, write it all in a real letter and post it - emails and texts/voice mails are too easy to delete. Also, if you have a good mutual - discrete - friend, have a word with them, to see if they can help heal the rift. Take care, Ix

A super book of all time, the best book I ever read - I hope to hear some more from you! Mette Rasmussen, 37, denmark
Many thanks! Ix

Dear Imo-- Just found your site and love it. Tell Wendy in Idaho Falls -- Yes IF is small- it is hard to find friends and clubs ( both social and dance)here because EVERYTHING revolves around THE church. Do as I did--take up bellydancing--there are several teachers--and a great bunch af ladies to make friends with. Keep shaking Kay, 30, Idaho Falls
Belly dancing, fabulous! Wendy, you have your answer fron Kay...! Ix

I love your book. It is answering a lot of questions that I've had for a while. I particularly like the chapter on work management. Are you gonna be writing anymore books like the SG's Survival Guide? Rebecca, 20, Atlanta, Ga
Rebecca, thank you so much - really pleased you enjoyed it and found it useful. I'm writing a new book at the moment, but it's fiction. Needless to say, however, my heroine is a very fabulous SG!!

Okay, My ex-boyfriend was a regular at the bar casino I work at. I was trying to back out of the relationship with him. Recently he moved his ex wife in with him. He denied they were having a relationship, when directly asked. Okay I am a little angry, but the worst part is he keeps bringing this person into my work. I just ignore it but I wish he would stop. I don't talk to him or even give him eye contact. She had to know about me because my stuff was all over his house. Any suggestions on how to handle it, is ignoring this the best thing to do? Dee Dee, 40, Washington
It sounds as if your ex is trying to make a go of it with his ex wife. You're having to see someone you loved with someone else - and it's hard. The most important thing you need to do now is to focus on you, and I spend most of my book, which is in Target, explaining how. From pampering yourself to going out with your friends. You will reach the stage where it doesn't matter to you what's going on with this man. You'll be happy in you, and that's what counts.

I haven't purchased your book, but I will buy it tomorrow; I'm intrigued! Do you believe guys and girls can be just friends in their 30+? My best friend is a guy whom I've slept with and have amazing after hours=), but I know that I don't want a relationship from him as he would never be loyal(otherwise I would). Lately we fight about everything and are hyper-sensitive about everything - not sure if it is worth the energy. Do you think opposite sexes can truly be friends without a romantic relationship? Chelley, 30, California
Hi Chelley, hope you're enjoying the book. Yes men and women can truly be friends without a romantic relationship - I've got many Platonic boyfriends. BUT as soon as you exchange any sort of bodily fluids with them you can no longer truly be friends, or at least for a while. Your best friend - you've crossed that line, and it sounds like both of you are hurting because of it. I suspect you need to sit down with him, say: either we go out and you are faithful or we need to stop this and I need to be single enough to allow a man who will be, in. You deserve someone worthy of you. If this guy won't date you properly, then you need to stop sleeping with him and maybe, in time, your friendship will come back. Good luck!

I was involved with a man who, after dating exclusively for a while, told me that he really liked me and liked spending time with me, but he didn't know if he could love or marry me. I never said anything about marriage, though we did discuss being able to love someone. I told him that he needed to leave me alone. He twisted it around and said I was saying he wasn't for me. That's not what I said. I just said I wanted a relationship and not something casual. I have no idea what he was doing. Could you explain this to me? He is older than I am, and he is not dating anyone else. I'm moving on - I live my life, stay busy, spend time with family/friends. I really cared about him, but I can't do this in between stuff. I don't think he wanted to date others. I think he just wanted me available when HE wanted me. I want to be better prepared if this happens to me with someone else. Thank you! Mary, 40, Indiana
Mary, thanks for your message, which I had to edit a little because of space. I think you have answered your own question! He was confused, so was confusing you. But fundamentally, you know what you want - a relationship and not to be used, which you felt he was. So you're doing all the right things. Focus on you, and spending time with your family and friends. When the next man comes along, try not to take these memories of this ex with you too much - your relationship with someone else will be different as they are different. Good luck!

It seems there are just no guys who want to connect. I moved to Idaho Falls from SLC UT to try to save my toxic marriage and stayed. I have a great job that I love and I like it here. Problem is there is no one single that has a brain that I can meet. How do you meet quality people? The on-line thing has been a disaster. Any advice is very welcome. Wendy Wendy, 44, Idaho Falls, ID
Hi Wendy. The most important thing you can do, which I outline in my book, is to celebrate being single and the freedom it brings you. Concentrate on hanging out with work colleagues, taking up courses - from Salsa to Skydiving, going out with friends to every event you can find. The more people you connect with, the more chance you will have of meeting someone...

Hi Imogen I recently got back in touch with a guy I went to school with and well we seemed to hit it off - but he only seems to be interested in using me for sex. What should I do? Erin, 19, Manchester
Hi Erin, thanks for your message. As a modern woman you have two options on this, and you need to figure out what YOU want. Now, some girls would be able to channel their inner Samanthas from SATC, and use him right back, which is cool if it works for them. But if you want your sex spiced with a little meaning, then that's very understandable. In which case, you need to take a step back from this guy, concentrate on making your life work for you - from work to friends to where you live to how you look. If he tries it on again tell him that he has to treat you properly and not use you. If he won't, then good riddance - you'll go off and find someone who will be amazing to you, as you deserve.

Hi! I moved to Phoenix about 6 months ago from a very small town in the upper-Midwest. I’m now a single girl in a city the size (population) of my home state. Since moving here I've been having a lot of trouble meeting new people, especially guys. I'm kind of a shy person when I first meet people and I try to step outside of my comfort zone every once and a while but it's not working very well. Do you have any suggestions for meeting new people in this city? My usual avenues of meeting new friends (gotta have friends to introduce you to their single guy friends) aren't working. Tina, 21, Phoenix, AZ
Hi Tina, thanks for your message. Lots of tips on all of this in the Single Girl's Survival Guide which is on Amazon and in Target. First of all, before you focus on meeting a man, you need to focus on you. Men will come to you when you're confident and happy in yourself. So concentrate on your work, how you feel about yourself (pamper yourself, exercise etc), make sure you're happy about where you're living (are you living alone - maybe you should have a roommate so you can double up on friends). Once all that is done, you need to go out as much as possible. Not with the intention of getting a guy, but just to having fun. So join a salsa class, even take sky diving lessons! Anything that means you come into contact with lots of people. Because through them, who will be attracted to spending time with you because you are happy and confident, men will appear. Have so much fun - 21 in a big new city. Enjoy! Ix

Hello Imo! I just found out about your book. I've met a boy, we have had three dates - and on the third we were playing. But before the real thing, he finished :) . He left my apartment, and after I started feeling like a prostitute because we have only seen each other three or four times. Yesterday we talked online but he was kind of cold. He asks me why I don't have more friends (I'm not italian, I'm just here for studies - moved a month ago) but he doesn't seem to want to introduce me to his friends. Is it too fast to want to meet his friends? Was he cold because he was ashamed of his "too soon climax?" What should I do? I like him, but I kind of think he is not looking at me seriously. How do I show him I am a good girl?? And how do I find your book in Italy?? :) Thanks! Rosa, 28, Italy
Hi Rosa. The Single Girl's Guide will be out in Italian soon, but you can get the English version at Amazon.co.uk or the American version at Amazon.com. As for your Italian boy... I sense he is embarrassed, and also probably not sure what he wants. After all, you're only in Italy for studies at the moment. The most important thing is to focus on you. On meeting people without him (you want to have your own friendship circle in Italy without him - because if something goes wrong between you, at least you can still have happy times, as his friends will be loyal to him). If he sees you are having fun without him, then he will probably be back to you in no time, introducing you to everybody in his world. The minute we get needy, boys tend to start running away. Have the most AMAZING time in Italy - it's the chance of a lifetime. Don't let one man ruin it in any way. Take care, Ix

Hi Imo, I have this problem with a guy that I like. We first met through a friend, he just recently moved into town. We hit it off that first night and we began calling and messaging each other all the time. Unfortunately, he began to go out with another girl in town. I do not get a long with this girl, but I try to be civil to her as we live in a small town. My problem stems from the fact that I see them together at the same social settings. I don't know how to act around them without my feelings being out on my sleeve for this guy. I know that I should just ignore them and go on with life, but he keeps coming up to me with his problems in his relationship with his new girl. How do I get past the point of being the friend that likes a guy but he only sees me as a person to complain to about his relationship when he knows how I feel about her. I also feel that he is stringing me along. Wanting to go do stuff together but not following through. I need your help so that I can go out and enjoy myself. Thanks. Karline, 24, Wyoming
Hi Karline. All of this I cover in my book, which should be at your nearest Target and is of course on Amazon. You need to start focussing on you. This guy is having his cake and eating it - he basically has two girls at his beck and call, and you are letting him. So it's time for some self protection. Focus on your work, on pampering yourself, maybe even buying yourself a new outfit or some shoes if you can. Go out and have fun with your other friends. Take up a new activity - Salsa, or whatever else is on offer where you live. Don't always answer his calls or texts and don't always be available - don't even agree to do stuff with him in the beginning. Be open to meeting and dating new people. Either he will realise he is being an idiot and will come and date you properly, or you will have moved on and be loving the SG life - or someone else. He is not the be all and end all, and at the moment he is believing he is. Take that away from him. Now, go play! Ix

Hi Imogen! I was talking/flirting with a guy I went to school with and an attraction was definitely there from the outset. But he seemed to be one of those All Text No Trouser kind of guys and so I started dating someone else. I recently broke it off with him, and texting buddy found out. He then began texting me and telling me he still really liked me and wanted to pursue something with me...I am very attracted to this guy, but I told him that he would have to make an effort - like ask me to go do stuff and call me. Here's the problem: he's moving to California on a basketball scholarship, so our relationship would have to be long distance. He tells me he is very serious about me, and he has made an effort to take me out and call me since we had the convo... but I just don't wanna put my heart out there with someone who is just content having a long distance relationship via texting... What should I expect of him concerning him making an effort? I really like this guy... Holly, 24, Tulsa, OK
Hi Holly, many thanks for your message which I had to edit a little because of space. You like this guy, he likes you. He seems to be stepping up to the plate. I suggest having a very honest chat discussing how you'd both make a long distance relationship work and what you'd expect from each other (that's not for me to judge - it's what you're both happy with). On the basis of this chat you can then decide if you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend or just good friends. Good luck! Ix

After recently asking for advice from you re my relationship, I have since (admittedly half-heartedly) tried to move on from him. However, I have stayed in touch. A few weeks ago, after a long chat, we agreed to give it another crack (his words not mine). However since then he has sent me a long e-mail advising me re my weight, texted me saying he regards himself as single and that I should just accept it's over, as well as saying that last time we slept together my boobs were a bit sweaty and suggesting I washed them with soap! I've not made any contact since then and am not planning to either - he does know where I am. It is very painful and distracting though however and am wondering if I may need a counsellor. I don't exactly feel I can turn to him! Heidi, 29, Surrey
Heidi, I've had to edit your message a bit because of space. You are right - do not make contact with him. This man is rude, he's bad for you, he insults you, he is destroying your self-esteem and playing with your mind. Stop letting him back. Instead focus on you and being happy and a man worthy of you will appear in your world. There's nothing wrong in seeing a counsellor when you're going through a tricky patch, which you are at the moment, so speak to your GP about finding one in your area. Good luck - it will get better.

Hi, I have been a SG for quite a good few years and I love the freedom. The problem is I feel like I should try this relationship game to see what all the fuss is about. I have dated a number of men (some at the same time!!) over the last wee while but everytime I get to that stage with a bloke I just don't want to give up my freedom. As an SG in her 30's is this how you feel or is it just a case that there is a serious lack of decent and interesting men? Is meeting a guy all that life should be about or is that just my mother's opinion? Thanks Cx Catherine, 31, Edinburgh
There is no right or wrong answer here - everyone is different. There is nothing so heady and amazing as being in love - but you can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be when you're single. It may be a cliche, but you'll know when you meet the person that you do want to have a proper relationship with - and you obviously haven't yet. Until that point, shop, as you are now! As far as your mother goes, I do have a whole chapter in my book about dealing with family. The problem is, for older generations, they have been programmed to think that a single woman by definition is unhappy. All your mother wants you to be is happy, so you need to train her to realise that you are in your single state! Ix

Hi Imogen, I only recently discovered your site and your book which I'm going to go straight on and read. I've not yet had a relationship, partly because I've been waiting till I'm older and wiser to open up to that kind of experience. Now I feel like I'm ready, nothing's happening! I've always tried to be positive about my independence and that I don't need a man to be happy, but it gets me down sometimes, you can't help it really. Any tips on how to stay more positive, both physically (in terms of fitness) and emotionally? Thanks :D Nora, 19, Surrey
Hi Nora, many thanks for your message. Good for you for waiting until you are ready to get involved with someone. I cover everything you mention in depth in the book. It is important to make sure that you're happy in yourself - from your work, to how you look, to your relationships with your friends, before you get into a relationship with someone. If you are happy, and make a real effort to be out and about as much as possible with your friends and in any clubs (from gym to the night variety!), your path will cross with someone who is worthy of you. Ix

A couple of weeks ago you appeared in the colour magazine of the Sunday Express A great article but please, please can you tell me about the 'maltesers bag'. Where did you buy it as I really want one and would love to own one. norma, , Wales
Hello... I love that bag too (sometimes I go out with "real life" maltesers inside it!!?!). I bought it a few years ago from Anya Hindmarch...

Hi Imo, I've been married for 3 years and have a 9 month old son. I'm writing because I feel like my marriage is stuck in a rut with no passion or sparkle. My husband seems to have no interest in sex and doesn't like kissing, although he did when we started going out several years ago. Foreplay is really borning and he's pretty selfish. I've tried dressing up to get him going but I'm fed up that he does nothing to make me feel attractive. I just feel lonely and unloved. He says he doesn't come from a 'huggy' family and is really bad at showing his feelings or sharing intimacy. I do love him and I know he loves me but he can't bring himself to show it - either because he's lazy or it makes him feel awkward. What can I do to help us reach a happy medium without him feeling smothered? Jenny, 29, Birmingham, England
Jenny, many thanks for your message. I have to admit that having been single most of my adult life this is somewhat out of my area of expertise... I would suggest - it's nothing to be ashamed of - maybe going to have a few sessions with a Relate counsellor (your GP will have the info or look up online), who will absolutely be able to help you properly. You can go on your own, or both go together. It sounds like you both love each other hugely, but just need to find a way to express the way you feel to each other, while getting over the inevitable adjustment of the new addition to your family. I have no doubt you will be able to gently take down those barriers he has - and find out the reason why they're there in the first place. Take care, Ix

I lost my son 3 years ago and then my husband left me. I came to live in Ireland after a nervous breakdown, 26 months ago, now I am lonely and have no idea how to start moving forward with my life, any ideas. Johanna, 55, Ireland
Johanna - thank you so much for your message. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss - both of them. Losing your son and then separating from your husband so quickly - it can be no surprise you had a breakdown. Moving to a new place, making a new start was such a brave thing to do. The first thing I'll say, is that I hope you're getting proper professional support as you grieve. Your local GP will be able to put you in touch with people who can help. You don't mention your friends from where you lived before and also other family. If it's appropriate then speaking to them and setting up visits - either them to you or you to them would put dates in the diary. I know it's hard, but keeping as busy as possible will help you move forward. Getting a job, or looking to move jobs if the one you are in doesn't have a great team, is important. Something to do for a certain number of hours in a day will help a little. Join any clubs, or a church or take any courses that are offered in your local community - anything that will help you come into contact with people. Pamper yourself - have a bath with some nice bubble bath, get your hair done. Slowly but surely, as you fill your days and come into contact with more and more people, you will feel alive again. Thinking of you, Ix

Hi Imogen, Here's my situation. Just this past weekend after a party I slept with a guy whom I have hooked up with before last summer. I also told him I liked him just recently (Throughout the year we barely kept in touch). However, this weekend we seemed to hit it off. The only thing is, after sleeping with him, he hasn't contacted me since. And he's even been online numerous times. Why is he ignoring me? He seemed really sincere before and after the sex. I'm so confused. Anna, 20, Toronto
Hi Anna. You're confused becuase he's confused. He's a boy, their brains aren't as good as ours. He's probably either having a panic attack because he really likes you and isn't sure whether he wants a relationship... Or he's a complete a***hole who took advantage. Because he was so lovely after the sex, I suspect the panic attack option is what's going on in his mind. Now, I know it's hard, and I know it's hideous, and believe me I've been there checking "who's online" - but at the moment passive is active. Do absolutely nothing in regards to this guy. Don't contact him, change his name on your phone to something deeply unappealing like small p*nis. Instead fill your diary up with work, with going out with friends, even visiting family. This way either a) he'll come to you as he realises you're too good to lose or b) you'll meet someone who treats you as you deserve when you're out and about. Whether it's a or b, you win. It will get better, promise. Ix

I have recently been in touch with a guy I met on a social network site. He is a friend of a friend. We have been messaging each other for a month and are hoping to meet up next week. The problem is I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend before. Should I tell him this or wait till he asks about past relationships? He is 5 years older than me and has had two serious relationships before. Also, I'm so nervous about the date and any tips would be a big help! Rachel, 21, UK
Hello... All this sounds very exciting. Obviously as you don't know this guy yet, even though he's a friend of a friend, do make sure you meet up in a public place and tell your friends where you are, and text/call them when you're home. You can never be too careful. I do cover dating extensively and have lots of tips for conversation and what to wear etc. etc. in my book, but what I will say about your first meet up, is not to attach too much expectation to it. Meet for a drink or a coffee, and if you like each other a second date will come. Otherwise, it may just be you've made a new friend (who will have friends...!). I tend to avoid relationship histories initally - if you do decide to take things further these things have a way of naturally coming out anyway. Good luck and keep safe! Ix

My boyfriend recently dumped me and I am afraid that he is going ask another girl out (She does the same martial arts and does the same class as me). What should I do ?? HELP!! P.S ... I still have feelings for him. He dumped me on Sunday :( Emily, 19, Edlesbrough
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You are having somewhat of a 'mare. It is so much harder, initially, when everything is right there in your face. BUT, here's the good news. When I got ditched by someone in college, and he then kissed all (and I mean all) my friends, it gave me the chance to get properly over him. It meant I didn't put him on a pedestal, it allowed me to work through my feelings and eventually completely stop pining for him. All you can do now is focus on you. Don't let him - or this other girl - see you cry. Focus on your work, on going out with your friends, on being happy in you. If you do need to sob, do it with a friend behind closed doors. And you know what, if you are happy in you, someone fantastic who treats you as you deserve will come along. And probably make your ex green eyed with envy. Of course by then, you'll be properly over him, and won't want him back. Hang on in there, it will get better, promise.Ix PS Lots of handy tips in my book, but here's a good one - change his name on your mobile to the reason why you don't want to be with him anymore (small pen*s, sh*t kisser, whatever). It will reduce the chance of you drinking and dialling!

My bf - who I've been going out with for over 2 years - and I, argue alot. In the morning when I see him, we automaticaly argue, then make up, then during the day we argue, then make up. It's like a routine, and I don't know if it's bringing us closer or taking us further apart. Because when we are together it feels great, but when we argue I tend to go a little psyco and I can't do anything right? mya, 18, london
Mya thank you for your message. Now I have to admit that my area of expertise is living and loving the single girl's life, not the attached's! However, what's going on in yours sounds exhausting. You've been with the guy for 2 years, so I suggest just sitting down one day and calmly telling him how you feel. Say to him that the arguing is getting you down and discuss why you both might be doing it. A relationship with spark is great, but not one that makes you feel that you can't do anything right. Better to be single and happy with the chance of meeting someone right, than in a relationship and unhappy. Take care, Ix

I am falling in love with this boy - and my bestfriend is dating him. Now you may think that I am way too young for love but I know what I feel and nobody else does. My best friend doesn't know about this and I am afraid to tell her. I need some advice and can't get it from her because I never know when the right time is for her to know. Can you give me some advice? What should I do? How am I supposed to tell her? Melissa, 13, kentucky
Melissa, love can be painful at any age, but I think it's really bad the younger you are. But here's the thing about boys - they tend to come and go. Best friends are for life. I met mine when I was 11 - and 20 years later I speak to her 5 times a day. I'd be lost without her, I couldn't cope. However, if I'd gone to her when we were 13 and told her I wanted her boyfriend, she'd probably have been so hurt and upset she wouldn't want to have been my friend anymore. Do you really want to lose your friendship? Because that's what probably will happen if you tell her or do anything with this guy. You don't know what's going to happen in the future. But if you focus on having fun with all your friends, on school, on being happy without boyfriend, the right guy will come along. And he will want to be with you - not your best friend. Think Charlie's Angels, Sex And The City - girlfriends are way more important! Ix

Why is it when I met this boy at a skating ring he wants to be all lovey dovey toward me and then after we talk for a while and we start to ask each other personal questions he tells me that he likes me so so so much and then he goes out with other girls that are like younger than him? He really breaks my heart... Amishia, 14, Lexington Kentucky
It's because he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. That confusion is confusing you - but you're better than this. Amishia, you need to focus on you - having fun with your friends, your work at school, making sure that you're happy on your own. If he's worth it, he'll see how happy and fantastic you are and come go out with you. If he's not, someone else who will treat you as you deserve will come along... As my book says, enjoy being single - there's nothing wrong in it! Ix

Why does this guy who I asked out say yes and then say he is not looking for anything at the minute then doesnt speak to me for two weeks? Helen Maude, 21, County Durham
Because he's scared of modern woman. Your turn - ignore him, focus on having fun being you and with your friends. If he likes you and is worth it, he will come get you. And if he doesn't, while you're out and about enjoying life someone else worthy who will treat you as you'll deserve will come along.

Here's my problem...I have been preoccupied with men lately, and as a result can't seem to focus on my exams! I met this man at a party a few months ago, we hardly got to know each other there. However, after we starting to communicate more via instant messages...we went out to lunch with each other. During lunch all seemed well, laughing, smiling, etc. After lunch he then asked to play pool and I believe, we hit it off great. However, shortly after I had asked him to hang out again and he replied he was 'too busy'. Ever since then he stopped replying to my messages. Until one night in which he texted me at 2am saying to go play pool again...Im getting mixed messages here. Here is another problem of mine...I am a virgin, and whenever I go out with a man, and he loses interest...I seem to blame it on my virginity, and the fact that they may back off because of it. However he knew I was a virgin before we hung out. What is wrong here? I really liked him physically and emotionally...but should I just forget him and move on? Nelly, 19, Montreal
Right a few things here. Number 1 - your exams. They have to be your number 1 priority right now. I went to Cambridge Uni - I know how dull they can be, but this is the rest of your life we're talking about. OK, moving on. You're 19 and a virgin - you're waiting for the right person - that's fantastic! You're doing the right thing, so don't worry about that, take it out of your mind. This man who's causing you problems? One of my platonic boyfriends, an INFAMOUS womaniser, once said to me: if a man wants you, he will come get you. And not drunkenly at 2AM (another male friend of mine says that girls between 10PM and 3AM "don't count"). You've made your interest clear - now stop contacting him, focus on sailing through those exams, and if he is worthy and deserving of you, he will come find you PROPERLY - ie take you places before 10PM! Otherwise, when you're out and about and in your post exam celebrations, someone else will come along and you will forget all about him as this new one will be so great. Good Luck! Ix

Hi Imogen, My girlfriends and I have been single for the longest time. We're not ugly or shy. We're quite sociable too. Why is it that we still can't find a decent man for each of us? Rose, 20, Toronto
Probably two levels - at 20 it's very hard to find a decent man as the ones your age are still properly playing and they can be scared off by the concept of women wanting "committment". Also, it sounds to me like you could all be going out together as a pack - and men may be too scared to approach. If you are happy, healthy and balanced in you, it is time to let people in. So, perhaps go out with just one girlfriend as a wingman, make eye contact... and see what happens! Unlike us, men aren't mind readers, and need a little encouragement...! Remember it's not about hunting, it's about drawing them in... Enjoy! x

Hi Imogen, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm feeling distraught. As you will probably remember my situation, hence writing to you before, the 3 months was up on Wednesday and he texted me this morning to ask if we could leave tonight, as he would now like the freedom to see other women, although he would be happy to be lovers as well, i.e have an open relationship.I do still have strong feelings for him, but would prefer to be in a committed relationship, but am finding it very hard to accept him dating again. Heidi Mumford, 29, Surrey
DITCH HIM. Move on, concentrate on you and all the fantastic times you can have when being single, and someone who treats you properly will come along. He sounds like an absolute w**ker who doesn't deserve any girl in his world. Open relationship? Tell him to get lost! And to do it all by text? Arrogant little loser. You're better off without him!

I broke up with my boyfriend 8 months ago. We had been together for 8 years. He was in another relationship with a woman within 2 weeks after our breakup. After about 3 months of going with her, he found out that I was dating someone else and came over to my house and told me that he still loved me and wanted to get back together. We talked about getting together for the next few days and he even broke up with his current girlfriend and told her that he still loved me. At least that is what he told me. Now all of a sudden he has changed his mind and he says he's staying with this other woman. I tried to get him to talk to me and explain to me why he changed his mind so I could have some kind of closure but he ignored my calls and texts. I finally gave up on him but I'm still really hurt. It's been 4 months. Now he keeps texting me. It is just friendly, wanting to know how I am and how my family is. Some of his texting is just stupid questions that he already knows the answers to. It's like he's tring to find a reason to text me. I was texting him back but haven't lately. It just hurts too much. I believe he still is with this woman because he only texts me at certain times of day. He told me when we first broke up that he couldn't be friends with me that it would hurt him to much. Why is he texting me and should I continue to ignore them or respond and tell him to quit texting me or ask him why now, what do you want from me? Kathleen, 42, usa
Oh Kathleen, I'm so sorry for the nightmare time you've been having. Men do have a tendancy to move on very quickly - but all my platonic boyfriends assure me that isn't because they don't or never cared. So, the fact your ex did, is no reflection on what you had with him. At the same time he's now trying to have his cake and eat it. He's not sure who he wants - but he knows he doesn't want anyone else to have you. This is simply not on, and you deserve better. I suggest saying - give me my space, let's not have any communication for a while, maybe we can be friends in time. If he complains and keeps texting, tell him that either he wants you, and comes back to you properly, or he just has to go away for now as it is unfair on you. Stay strong, sweetheart. Ix

Hey Imo, How are you? I sent in a question about 6 months ago about a guy who told me he liked me but hasn't spoken to me since...well how things change! Two weeks ago he apologised for the way he treated me, he was hung up on an ex who hurt him...we went out that night and have been texting since and he's told me he still likes me. He then drops it into conversation that he's not looking for a relationship...am I right to be totally confused? My theory is he doesn't want to be hurt again, I really like him and don't know what to do!! I hope you're getting over your jet lag and enjoying NYC! Thanks in anticipation, Hannah x Hannah, 20, Scotland
One word: men. He's confused, therefore is confusing you. By getting on with your life for 6 months he's suddenly woken up to the fact that he may want you, told you... and then had a panic attack. You deserve better than to be messed around like this. Take a step back, focus on you and your life, and if he's worth it he'll step up to the plate and come get you. Otherwise, he'll lose you to someone worthy. Take care, x

Hey Imo, Just been through a really really bad period of time with four very depressing things happening in 2 weeks. My best friend Sam is helping me through it because he is the only one I trust at the moment, he keeps me normal and stops me from getting to down, he makes me laugh, flirts with me, takes me on movie nights, listens to me if I phone him at 2AM in tears and has some really weird nicknames for me. I'm falling slowly and deeply for him, but does he feel the same way or is he just protective of me? What do you think? Jess, 15, England
Jess, first of all, I'm so sorry you've been having a rubbish time recently. It sounds like in Sam you have a true proper friend. The first thing I'll say, is that if you're going through a bad patch, it's not a good idea to start a new relationship with anyone. Dating someone and all the associated emotions can be a bit of a head f**k for the strongest person, let alone if you're not in a good place at the start. At the moment you need to focus on making you happy again: ensuring your school work is as good as it can be, pampering yourself with beauty treatments, focussing on being with your friends. As for Sam, it is clear that he cares deeply for you, but once you've crossed that line with a Platonic Boyfriend, you can never go back. I've done this in the past, and I've ended up pretty much losing them forever - whereas the boys I haven't kissed will be friends for life. Focus on fabulous you for a little while, and when you are feeling better, things will be clearer with Sam. Ix

So he asked me to move in & I do, then I find out he's calling, seeing & meeting with friends that are women, but not telling me and lying about it when called-out on it. He's also adding women to his web-pages "as FRIENDS". What's the deal? Why would he even ask me to move in at all?? Thanks in advance for your attention - ur problem child! :) Tawnee, 41, Indianapolis
Tawnee - DITCH HIM. You don't trust him; whether or not these women are just friends or not (I've got lots of Platonic Boyfriends who are just that - friends - on things like Facebook), he does feel the need to lie about other matters. That may be because he doesn't want to get into an argument with you and he's innocent, but even so. Relationships are about trust, so get your own place, concentrate on having fun being you and going out places with your friends, and someone will come who you do trust and do deserve. Life is too short! x

Hi Imogen, I hope you won't mind me raising this, but in your book (which I have just finished reading and loved!), you said that you've come across many attractive men who prefer women over 30, because they tend to have no inhibitions (which is fine) and because they know what they're doing in the bedroom. I admit, having only lost my virginity last summer, aged 29 (long story!), I found it a little belittling *blush* I very much regret this experience however, because my boyfriend at the time (and currently still is), cheated on me shortly afterwards, which has left me heartbroken. I think I deserve better than him, because he's admitted that he doesn't regret it (maybe that was my fault for asking him), because he wanted to be with her at the time - who he has remained in touch with. Not only this, but in December went for dinner with her about a month after telling me, that he'd reached a compromise that he'd keep in touch with her, but wouldn't see her! He also asked a female colleague for dinner around this time too, but cancelled, after realising it was insensitive. I still don't 100% trust him though, even though we decided (my idea) to give it 3 months, a few days after he finished with me in the new year, which will end on Apr 9th (unless we decide to continue). Hope to hear from you, With best wishes, Heidi x Heidi, 29, Surrey
Thank you so much for writing. I have to say, your message made me want to hunt down this man and give him a good kicking! Making love with someone is a big deal and so good on you for waiting. How dare he then treat you in this manner? He sounds like the biggest turd in town. Ditch him, and as I say in the book, focus on you, on going out and doing the things you enjoy, and you will meet someone who treats you like the Princess you are. Don't worry about experience - every new couple takes time to discover what works for them in the bedroom, it's just about being open and honest about what does. There are decent men out there, who absolutely will love you given the chance - but the appalling and outrageous way this one has acted with you shows that he isn't one of them. Relationships are about trust, and he has earned none of yours.You take care and get out there and enjoy being young, free and single... xx

My ex girlfriend has got attracted to me again and is insisting I should smooch her and take her for a date. Frankly speaking she's a hot babe so what should I do? Go ahead with that woman or just ignore her? joe, 32, indonesia
Well, since you're calling her "that woman" hopefully she'll ignore you! You can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be when you're single, and I fear for her that she hasn't been able to see that yet. It sounds like you're not bringing out the best in each other, everyone should be happy - so move on.

To be honest, I've never heard about the Single Girl's Guide or you untill today. Yet I am very curious about the book, specially since I need lots of assistance. I am 25, have had very few relationships and none of which I would call real boyfriends. It has been six years since my last 'relationship' and I don't have a clue what to do. For the longest time it was fun to be single, but now all my friends are in relationships and when we go out I am the only single person in the group. I have tried going to new places to meet new 'single' friends and hopefully a decent guy who to go out with but so far not much has come out of it. I don't want to get desperate but I honestly don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP!!!! Lexie, 25, Atlanta, Georgia
Hello Lexie, thank you for your message. My book, which is called THE SINGLE GIRL'S SURVIVAL GUIDE in the US covers everything you speak of. First of all, you're young. So what if your other friends are in relationships? Don't worry about comparing yourself to them, or think there's anything wrong with you. There isn't. The key thing to remember is this: the relationship that is right for you, will find you. Normally, the minute you start looking, men will immediately realise, get scared and run away (I know, it's happened to me and all the women I write about in my book!). So, instead, focus on you. Make sure you're in a job you like, are happy with the way you look and where you live. If not, take steps to change these foundation stones of your life. Go out as much as possible with friends - attached or not, but especially in places where there are lots of people, such as bars and clubs. You could also join a club - learn to say, Salsa or take a car mechanics course! The more you are out, clearly happy in you, the more people (and men) will be around you. Don't panic. It will happen. Good Luck! x

I just met a guy from an internet dating site last night and our goodnight kiss led to a two hour lip lock. I feel embarrassed because I don't want him to think I'm easy but it seems like there is alot of attraction. What do you think, does it make me look easy and what should my next move be? dawn, 36, baltimore,md.
You're a grown woman, you had a great time - and you've made it obvious you like him. Don't feel bad, but now passive is active. The ball is in his court, let him step up to the plate. Don't do ANYTHING - the next move is his to make, especially as it's Valentines this week....

I have a crush for a guy but he does not seem to be interested anymore. We used to be close but we did not date. What shall I do? Maya, 26, Lebanon
Hmm. I'm not sure from your message whether you've kissed or just been friends with this man. Whichever way, I think you need to move on. One of two things will happen a) you'll find someone who's worthy of you who will date you and act like a real man, or b) this guy will realise what he's been missing and come get you... Either way, you win!

If the girl got a Brazilian like he asked what would the girl make the guy do?? Katie, 17, Minnesota
I cover this in the book...! He has to have a back wax if any hair there - and also concentrate on giving you MULTIPLE O's before he's allowed any!!

First of all, I loved your book! Secondly, I heard a rumor that you briefly dated Gerard Butler. So my two questions revolve around these two questions: Are you going to write a sequel? Did you really date Gerard? Thanks. Lizzie Lizzie, 31, US
Hi Lizzie, so pleased you enjoyed the book! I've just started work on a new one, but this one's fiction. Fingers crossed it will be out for next year! As for Gerry Butler - we've been out - with our mutual friends!! (For some reason the paps decided to cut them out of the photos!!). Just rumour - two of my very good friends are very good friends of his too!

I am newly back into maybe finding a boyfriend, after being married for 9 years and having two disastrous attempts at dating/cohabiting. I am bit wiser now but still very nervous about new men. However I've re-connected with a man from High School. I was always attracted then but I had a boyfriend and we never went out (he went out with all my friends). We both married other people and now we're both divorced. He is seeing Rebound Girl (I have ditched rebound men). We email back and forth, mostly flirty, sometimes serious. But... How do I ask if he is interested? I want to let him know I am ready for a boyfriend again and that I have always thought of him as that. I know he liked me before but you know men are not as easy to read as females. ann, 46, Canada
Ann, lovely to hear from you! Congratulations, you really sound like you're embracing single life. When I do mention men in my book (I spend 6 chapters on all the fantastic things you can do when you're single not referring to men at all!) I do talk about something that all my Platonic Boyfriends say: if a man wants you, he will come get you. I think by all means confide in your "friend" that you are ready for a relationship, over the rebound thing, and that you are now going out and meeting people. Either he'll be afraid he's going to lose you and will come get you; or his relationship with his current girlfriend isn't so much the rebound but the real deal. You deserve the best; there may be a reason you never have got it together with this guy - and that's because Mr Right is out there waiting to meet you now... Good Luck!

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months. He's great, but I have little experience with boyfriends. Sometimes I get too nervous to see him - IS THIS NORMAL? Also, I'm not always sure he's telling the truth, or how he feels. He asked me what I thought about in my future. I was a little baffled and I said, "I don't know.. Art College!" . He said, "In my future, I see you." I don't know if I was either a little freaked out because it's commitment or just because it's the FUTURE?! I worry that other girls want to be with him and also that I don't see him enough because we don't go to the same school. I know I am young and all, but I want this to work out. I don't know if I'm holding my relationship back and tugging at it, or if I am being paranoid, or just too confused. Katy McA., 15, Near-ish Edinburgh, Scotland.
Hello Katy, thanks for you message - because of space I had to edit your question a little but I very much see where you're coming from. Honestly, your boyfriend sounds every bit as confused as you; I suspect that he talks of other girls because he's insecure about how you feel. My advice is try not to worry too much, but just to enjoy and have fun in the time you have with him. If the relationship isn't making you both smile, then it probably isn't right. For now, just try to relax and enjoy the moment! Ix

Hey IMO, you found any light in that black hole of yours? From one writer to another it can be hard, pacing the boards and thrashing ideas around until something fits - until the words flow freely and invoke emotions. I agree with earlier posts and would love to see a Single Guys Guide. I'll be honest and say that you're not my usual read but somehow I found your book amongst my things and it made me smile, laugh and, being single myself, it started me wondering about the flipside of the coin. Well done. Whichever direction you take I truly look forward to your next work and hope that the 'black hole' in which you find youself explodes into heavenly swathes of light as inspiration, like daybreak, whispers those difficult opening sentences into your fingers. Drizt Drizt, 29, The Glorious Welsh Valleys
Thank you so much for your message - very pleased you enjoyed the book! Think I've figured out the next one, have started to sketch some ideas out, and am going to make a final decision by the end of the week. Proper writing begins again on Monday 28th!! Ix

I'll be honest with you, I have never heard of you, I google searched something, clicked on a link and here I am. But I figured while I was here I would throw this question out there. I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 and a half months. We dated for about 9 months almost 2 years ago but I broke up with her due to relationship issues. Now that we both have heads on straight, I asked her to be with me again. She said yes, and here we are. She decided a few days ago that she wanted time away from me to think about things and to get her priorities straight. I have talked to many people of the female persuasion and they have all said the same thing, that this was just an easy way for her to break up with me. When I ask her she denies that and promptly gets angry with me and hangs up the phone. My question to you is what do you think about this? Is this something that normally goes on in relationships? Thanks in advance. Josh, 19, rochester ny
Many thanks for your message. There is no such thing as a normal relationship - every one is different. For the time being, it is perhaps wise to give your girlfriend her space and cease contact for a little while - but you also can't put your life on hold. Throw youself into doing the things that make you happy and keep you busy - work/school, outside interests. She's far more likely to come back if she hear's you're being fully functional without her. And you? You may decide - may even meet without intending to, someone who you realise is actually better suited to you and find you don't want your girlfriend back. You're very young - you have many years to meet the right person, and maybe this girl isn't it.

Hello! I heard you on Broadmind with the 2 lovely broads on XM. I was very interested in your view on single women. I too am a single woman and would never trade my single years for anything - I have become a woman I have always desired to be... is this threatening to the other gender? Nobody is approaching me apart from my ex fiance(and then just on occasions). We were together 5 years, but it was not the right time for us to get married when he proposed and he is now going back to grad school and making that his priority. I on the other hand have applied to nurse practioner school and am looking for a potential mate. But how do I not compare every man to him? How do I just let it go and not wonder if he is the one i would be "soul mates" with? erica kuhn, 28, Thousand Oaks, CA
Erica, many thanks for your message, all of which I have taken on board but have had to edit a little to fit everything in. Firstly, you are very young - you are 28. You don't need to start getting stressed about finding a "potential mate" for another ten years. Much of your adult life was taken up with your ex-fiancee - 5 years, and part of you, emotionally, is still understandably with this man. Other men will be sensing this, so in that way, you're not single. Your ex has made a break by going back to Grad School. You need to give yourself a break, focus on things that make you happy - your nursing, how and where you live and spending time out with your friends. When you're doing all that, forgetting about men entirely, is when one will come to you! It may be your ex when he sees how you're living and loving your life without him, but you're not together for a reason, and probably it will be a new man who will come to you. Make yourself the priority right now - I spend 6 chapters not mentioning men in my book but all the wonderful things you can do when you're single. That's what you need to do!

I watched your segment this morning on ABC news and wanted to congratulate you for writing the book and educating people about the single life. Rajiv Garg, 39, Altadena, California
Many thanks for this message and your personal one about all your work with the Alternatives to Marriage Project - I wish you all the best with it! Happy Holidays! Imogen

Hey Imogen, can I just say you are so fantastic, I love the book but I was wondering if you could help me. I started dating a guy a few months ago and when I told him I liked girls as well he sorta flipped. He had a huge go at me then I dumped him. I then started to realize that dating him was a way to forget my sexuality; now I am getting comfortable with my sexuality I can't find anywhere to meet women, do you have any tips? Oh and can I just say I LOVE YOUR DAD'S MUSICALS! Tammy. Tammy, 16, Portsmouth
Tammy, so many thanks for taking the time to write - it sounds to me as if you're well on your way to knowing that it is important that in any type of relationship, whether it be be straight, gay or bi curious, that you share the same aspirations, feelings desires AND can communicate all of this in a truthful way. If you keep this in mind then what is right to you, will come to you. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and a very Happy 2008. Ix

How do I tell between Love and Infatuation? Sebastian, 20, Florida
That's a tricky one Sebastian... honestly, I think only time can really tell. If you're still "loving" that person when you're doing the mundane a few months in, then you know it's the real deal. Whatever the case, whether it's love or infatuation, embrace the moment and enjoy it. I think sometimes we all worry too much about the future so much we forget about enjoying the present.

Imogen-Great book and this site is the perfect supplement! Love it!! Congrats! DCchick, 25, Washington, DC
Thank you so much! V pleased you enjoyed the book... x

Hi Imogen I bought your book a while back and enjoyed reading it, some parts were hilarious. I fully relate to your experiences with PMDL types. I wanted to get your advice on these types of scum and how to best deal with them and delete them from one's life, as I seem to have an ever present pesty one getting on my friggin' nerves who doesn't quite get the message that Im not interested any more. Short of buying a gun and doing away with him what could I do, im at the edge of reason. Regards Girl Girlfriend, 24, London
Very pleased you enjoyed the book! If the PMDL is really not getting the message and you've explained that you and he are not an option there's only one thing for it. Don't respond to his texts or emails. If you happen to bump into him, give him a courteous greeting then ignore him and go off with your wingman. He'll eventually get the message... Much better option than you ending up in a police cell!

Hello Imo, For how long do you think you can leave the public with that impression that you are actually single? Bring M. Backalive, 35, Wallahimia Island
I AM single!!! Went on a date the other day, but it wasn't happening. Looking forward to much playing at Halloween! I.

As the official voice of the single girl's guide, I would hope that you will stop in to see me at my cute little Bistro Chat Noir, where solo girls are always welcome, and treated warmly. I am almost always on the floor, and would love to meet you...really liked the website!!! Good Luck, Suzanne Latapie suzanne latapie, 48, Upper East Side
This one's for you fabulous females who are based in the US in NYC! Always good to have friendly places if travelling alone - or just dining solo. x

Hi Imogen: I am looking forward to your seminar at the Learning Annex this Tuesday. I own a tee shirt company, Swish, that creates fun tees to spread the word to single women that single can be fabulous. Heidi Heidi Schmidt, 40, New York, NY
Look forward to meeting you on Tuesday! I.

Hello Imogen could you please explain to me what a 'all text and no trouser' means? thank you Nafeesa Banaras, 20, Birmingham
Check out my glossary on the site... all definitions there!
http://www.singlegirlsguideonline.com/aboutbook/glossary.php

I'm not sure if this qualifies as All Text No Trouser, need some help decyphering him... I met this gorgeous guy about two months ago on a night out. We briefly chatted, kissed, exchanged numbers, but I got dragged off by my friend. He obviously found me intriguing, as he texted me that night AND the following day... But ever since then, he texts and says we should meet up, but doesn't suggest a definite place. One time I was too tired and cancelled on him, but he didn't say, "are you still okay to meet", he just asked what my plans were?? I don't want to text him too much, so usually wait for him to text me, but when he does, it's short, friendly and always ends with something like, "have a good day then babe"... and no kiss. He told me the other week that he was going to be out in town on Saturday, so I went out too... only to find out that he was somewhere else!! I don't want to appear like a bunny boiler, but I don't know what to do? Oh and he's the type that could pretty much click his fingers and get any girl... Grrr! Michelle, 27, Birmingham
Dear Michelle, definitely sounds like an All Text No Trousers boy to me. As a platonic boyfriend once confided, real men, call. I'd give up the ghost on this one, focus on having fun as an SG, and a boy worthy of you will appear. (And if you stop texting him, it's the best chance you've got of making him realise he needs to pull his finger out and ask you out properly.... Ix)

Hey Imogen, I don't have a question, only praise for you for bucking the white powder trend. Like you and your one other friend or acquaintance in your Daily Mail article, I have never tried the Class A drug or ANY drug for that matter. I refuse to do it! I first read an article your wrote in the American teen/mid-20's magazine "Jane" and how you were NFI to parties and holidays because of your refusal to take drugs and I applaud you. The article was so funny, I laughed at all your detailed descriptions of people high on cocaine. If we can video tape people while they are high on drugs, it will be the most embarassing moment of their lives. Your parents did a really great job raising you. Much love to you and you are very beautiful, smart, funny and kind. Mr. Right will arrive on foot to meet you. If you ever do a book signing in Los Angeles, I will see you there with a copy for you to sign. I am not single, but I love your message. Love, Jo Jo, 28, Los Angeles, Ca
Jo - thank you so much for your utterly lovely message. The US version of the book is published in October, so hopefully I'll have the chance to be in America a lot at the end of the year! Ix

Is "ImogenLloydWebber" really you on youtube? I hope you don't get offended by this question if it really is you. :D Angela, 16, Waterloo, Canada
Hello Angela... Thank you for your question, the Imogen Lloyd Webber on youtube has been bugging me for a while. It's definitely not me - some people are very strange, why they'd want to pretend to be someone else I've no idea! ;)

Do you have a link to your article about the SG and weddings that appeared in the Daily Mail yesterday? Sadly, I missed it and I literally cannot BREATHE at the moment without hearing news of yet another person announcing their engagement or pregnancy to the world, (and as someone who is not likely to announce either for the forseeable future) I would be very interested in reading it :) Nicole, 23, North East Lincs
Yes, I can definitely identify with that one, Nicole! Article will be up under 'press centre' next week, but can also be found at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=466310&in_page_id=1879
I obviously do bang on about SGs vs Bridezillas in the book too - for some reason I was given a lot of anecdotes on the topic when researching it!!! xx

Hey Imo, I am in a pretty bad situation at the moment. I just met a man I like very much. I do not know at all what to do. Should I approximate to him or should I wait? Apart from this he was in love with a friend. I am so afraid that he wants to get closer to her through me. Help me please, I am so confused! Kate, 23, Germany
Kate, this does all sound a bit confusing. First of all stop, and focus on you. Make sure before you entertain thoughts of a Distraction that you are feeling good about yourself - sort out where you are work/hair/shoe wise. Then remember the following truth told to me by a very notorious ladies man: if a man wants you, he will find you. So remain friendly with this boy, BCC him on a few funny forwards, don't drink and dial etc (all tips in Chapter 7 in book). If he wants you, and you are approachable, he will come find you. If not, you are a fabulous footloose SG, you spend a lot of time in the sea - and know there are a lot of fish in it - fish without as many issues.

This coke-snorting epidemic seems like more of a London thing as I know only a handful of people up here who do it, whereas most of my friends in the capital have nasally ingested the powder a fair few times. I know far too many persistent weed-smokers though, which is even worse - there's nothing quite as tedious as going to a party where the joints are being passed around. I mean, it usually starts off well .. but after the stuff starts to kick in, all conversation dries up (except for "pass the joint") and I'm surrounded by a room of pie-eyed zombies. (I don't have a question. Just wanted to rant about recreational drug use, hope you don't mind!) Graham, 27, Newcastle
Rants allowed! (Although I do know of many people who do like their dinner off the mirror all about the place... persistent weeders just as dull though) ;) I.

Hi Imo, thanks for reading this. The problem is that all my friends are all in relationships, but I can't seem to find that perfect guy. When I go out I feel ugly 'cos no one approaches me. I have been single now for 12 months after a violent relationship and now think it's time to move on but I can't meet anyone. Pls help x julie, 21, runcorn
Julie, thanks so much for writing. First of all, there's no need to compare yourself to your friends, or their relationships - no one really knows what's going on inside closed doors - they're probably envious of your freedom! You've been so brave and come out of a bad time with someone - and well done you for thinking it's time to move on. The most important thing is not to pressure yourself, but enjoy all the good bits about being single. Pamper yourself, do what you want to, when, with whom, and on your own terms. Get happy within yourself - and then the men will come flocking likes moths to a flame. It's the old adage - if you're looking, they'll never appear. You are so young, with so much ahead of you - have fun with you, and then boys will want to, too. Ix

Your commentary on cocaine use is laudable. I appreciate your lamentation about cocaine use being the social lubricant of choice. You are right about the nose candy freaks' inability to conduct conversation - let alone intimacy. Kudos to your well written article. Dr. T, 51, Central coast, California, USA
Many thanks for taking the time to write... it's so sad it's such an international problem. I.

I read your article today in The Mail, and for a start, it's the same for some blokes you know... not all of us are cocaine users, even though I would say 98% of my male friends do it, I would also like to add that about 85% of my female friends do it too, and even my ex - who I went out with for 4 years, started taking it when we split up, having been totally against it, and seen what it did to her brothers!... Maybe that was the effect I had on her tho!... Regardless, it's nice to hear that you and a few others are the final bastion in anti- drug taking women. I respect that, and appreciate that you wrote about it. Good day to you. A Alex B, 28, London
Alex, completely appreciate your perspective - I know of far too many women who do 'dinner off the mirror' too; was asked to write the piece from a female point of view, but the male is obviously just as valid. Many thanks for taking the time to write. All best, Imogen

Hey, just read your article in the Daily Mail on how you won't date cocaine users... I have made exactly the same decision and find it equally difficult, as does my sister who is 24. We are both intelligent, hopefully quite attractive girls who are up for a good time, but the reality of the amount of coke users is absurd. Well done you for bringing this to light, there are many people that do feel like yourself. People look at me like I'm mad for saying I won't date a guy who does, but why not? That's my decision and I'd rather not deal with that issue on top of the many issues we experience in relationships! I shall now be definitely buying your single girl's guide. xx amy, 20, Brighton
Amy, thank you so much for your lovely message - such feedback makes everything worthwhile. Hope you and your sister meet the amazing men that you obviously both clearly deserve, and enjoy your SG time in the meantime. Stay strong! Ix

My husband passed on ten years ago and I have not remarried mainly by choice. Having been married until death did us part has me scared and I don't want to do that again until I know that I know that it is right - and so far none have been. My problem isn't with being single it is with my family. Every time I have a new beau they keep saying 'when are you getting married again?'. I am so tired of it. Truthfully I don't want to hurt anybody but I need advice on how to handle this. Denise, 37, Okahoma USA
Denise, thank you for your message. Firstly, I am so sorry about your loss. Your careful approach now is to be much commended. With your family - it sounds like they're being typically tricky to the SG. Part of the reason for their actions is that they just want you to be happy - and think that remarrying will make you that way. I would suggest sitting them down, and telling them straight - you are not ruling marriage in or out, but if you do do it, it will be with the right person. Be honest - say that their pressure every time you date someone new is making you unhappy; that you are enjoying life as an SG, you're out there, and if they need to start writing the wedding speeches you will be the first to let them know.

My boyfriend who i really liked recently broke up with me, he said it was because of the silly arguments we kept having, when i asked him to try again he said he just didn't think it would work and he didn't want to be with me. I'm totally heart broken. How do i get over him with out going to the efforts of finding a new man? Tasha, 19, London
Tasha, first of all - I'm so sorry, I know how horrible break ups can be. You're absolutely right though, no need to get together with someone else right away, best to concentrate on getting over the last one, which you can definitely do just by enjoying being single. Your life now gets to be all about you. Focus on work, making sure you're happy with what you're doing in the day, and if not, having a think about what would, and how to get there. Treat yourself - paint your nails, spend hours getting ready without a man complaining you're taking too long, then go and spend the time with your friends in the places you want to. You don't have to compromise with what he wants anymore... Lots more tips in the book (!! ;) ), but seriously it will get better soon. xx

Thank you so much for appearing on Five Live tonight Imogen. You were fantastic.... Best of luck with everything. XXX Myffy Myfanwy, 24, Manchester
Thank you so much for letting me on the show...! Had fun feisty time with Steven..!?! Ix

I am a 'victim' of someone who is all text and no trousers, and have been for the past 2 years. I only saw him twice! He stopped texting for 6 months last year but started up again on xmas day. He sent a mesage at 8.45am in xmas morning wishing me a happy xmas and he still texts. His messages all end up him saying we must catch up soon, but it never happens. He is 35 and to my knowledge not married and no kids, his main hobbies are gambling, golf and drinking. I am seriously thinking of changing my number. But what I want to know is why do the all text and trousers types A) keep texting? what does he get from it? B) what should I do about it? Is there an etiquette in telling them to shove off? Do I give him an ultimatium like see me or don't text me again? Im stuck ! Advice would be useful please. Thank you. LH, 27, London
This is beyond doubt the worst case of 'All Text No Trousers' I've ever come across. Men are extraordinary. Next time he texts, I suggest texting the following back: 'real men, call.' If he calls, then fine. If he texts, don't respond. Problem solved. (?) Do let me know how you get on!!!

Fabulous book - thank you. Kiran, 26, London
So lovely - thank you!

What do you think about this website? sally, 23, london
It's very pink. Probably more relevant, what do you think?

Hello Imogen- Just wanted to let you know that finding your book in my mailbox was a welcome surprise. The massacre at Virginia Tech is all anyone can discuss and hear on the radio/news, being that so many families are affiliated with the school here. I turned off my phone, turned off the TV and radio, and read your book. It was a very welcome respite from the nonstop horrific news here. It arrived at a time when I needed to laugh and be reminded once again of what is truly important. Anyway...thanks again. Jennifer, 29, Virginia, USA
Jennifer, thank you so much for your message. What happened in Virginia is very much at the forefront of everyone's minds in the UK and we're all thinking of you. So pleased that the book provided a little light relief at such a dark time. Ix

Non-sarcastic question: Any chance you can write a book called "The Single Guy's Guide"? Regards Francisco, 32, London
Hello... the last 3 chapters of this one written for boys too as got my platonic boyfriends to dish the dirt, but a Single Guy's Guide might well be fun to do...

Can you give me any good internet dating sites. I know was mentioned in the Inde on Sunday...but I threw it away!! moyra kerr, 52, Uk
Hello, pleased you enjoyed the Inde piece, the article can be found at http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article2449894.ece. You don't need me to tell you but keep safe with Internet dating, always utilise a wingman AND much radio contact if anything turns into a reality... Good Luck! Ix

I loved the book but would still like to know how you cope if the exboyfriend whom i still work with starts dating another girl at work? (moving jobs is currently not an option) Beth, 26, yorkshire
OK, you are admittedly having a bit of a shocker - but here's the good news. Because you have to see the ex and his exploits you're going to work through how you feel about him all the quicker. You're not going to put him up on a pedestal as some model of perfection - you will be reminded on a daily basis that he is not. At work, try not to ever let them see you cry. Instead spend an extra 5 or so minutes getting ready every morning, go in with your head held high - and ostensibly rise above it. Find a genuine girlfriend to fall apart on in your hour of need, but to your work colleagues (and the ex boy) you should just be seen to be enjoying being fabulously free. A part of them will be jealous of you the functional SG, and somewhere along the way, you'll fall over someone who's worth falling for... Hang on in there, it's horrible now, but it will get better... xx

Hi Imogen There's a guy in my course who even though he denies that he feels anything for me is always criticizing my love life. I am attracted to him but he's always pissing me off up to the point that we end up fighting really badly. Then to make matters worse, his friends are always teasing him about this and even his mother in front of me!!! HELP!!! Btw I think your book is the book of the year!!!! Confused Chick Confused Chick, 23, Malta
Thank you so much about the book... can't tell you how much it means to me! I suspect this platonic boyfriend definitely wants it to reach distraction status... First of all, I know it's hard, but don't rise to the bait - men hate to be ignored and if they are they normally begin to play ball. Simply tell him to either come up with a list of suggestions of men he'd approve for you to date - and if he can't be constructive to shut up. This should be followed by a carefully aimed comment about the state of his (lack of)love life. If he continues to tease you just declare to everyone in earshot every time he does that he can only be doing it because he's madly in love with you and laugh it off. If he's a real man he will either get his act together and ask you out properly, and if he's not, you the SG will find someone who knows how to behave...

My X girlfriend is writing a book about her sex life. Should I be worried that personal secrets will be revealed? Mr X, 30, London
Oh yes, worry away. Have we met perchance?

My ex boyfriend’s getting married, do I go? Anne, 32, New York
Consult your Genuine Girlfriends, and if they think it’s good closure for you to attend, and you feel so too, go, but make sure you are attired in an outfit that makes you feel fabulous. Any sane bank manager will understand your need for new shoes….

How do I impress a girl? Simon, 27, Dublin
Don’t jump on her, instead put her in a licensed cabbage home and hand enough money to the driver to more than cover his fare and tip. Such gallant behaviour will almost always guarantee you a second date and a chance for a kiss.

I can’t cook, where should I go to learn? Helen, 23, Birmingham
Don’t bother, with house prices as they are your oven is precious shoe storage space.

How do I stop calling my ex-boyfriend? Shelley, 25, Chichester
Change his name on your phone to the reason why you no longer want to date him, e.g. ‘small penis’. Then, every time you go to text or call him you are reminded why you SO don’t want to dial.

What’s now deemed the socially acceptable bikini line? Tanya, 26, London
It’s up to you, and no bitchy beautician – or male distraction - should dictate otherwise. If any man you’re kissing decides to comment you need more off, then fine – you are entitled to demand he has a back wax - fair's fair in love and ingrown hairs. Kathy Lette, trailblazer that she is, is a proponent of the school of thought taking root – in every sense – that forget the Brazilian (subsequent lack of hair apparently reduces your ability to secrete pheromones – the chemicals that attract men) it’s now all about ‘Bring Back Bush’. (Note this is the only socially acceptable time to be saying such a thing). Of course if the gorilla look is not you, then groom to your heart’s content, although pubic art is somewhat freaky.

How do I go to a party without a ‘plus one’? Daisy, 22, Cornwall
If you’re not allowed to bring a wingman, wear a killer, but comfortable outfit. On arrival, do a circuit of the room to identify exits and likely bathroom waiting times, then position yourself by the kitchens. The party can be P Diddy or student style but you will always meet the best people where the food and drink hits the main room first.

How do I go to job interviews whilst in my old job? Charlotte, 25, Newcastle
Claim you have an urgent appointment with Dr Bunbury.

I’m NFI. How do I get FI? Caroline, 29, York
Pause, consider why you’re NFI, and if it’s for no good reason then in all ‘innocence’ invite the host or hostess out that same night – hopefully they’ll include you in their plans.

I really fancy this guy and he keeps texting but we never meet up. What’s going on? Sybil, 45, Glasgow
He’s all text, no trousers, and you now just need to forget the little Clit Teaser, and move on. Real men who are really interested will find a way to make the exchange of bodily fluids a possibility.

My boss gives me a hard time for being single, how do I get her to stop? Diane, 33, Newbury
Tell her you don’t compromise on second best - which is why you make a great employee… and why you’ve every right to be single. Then ignore her. If she’s not getting any reaction to fan the flames of the inquisition, it will die down.

I’m 35, should I freeze my eggs? Kirsty, 35, New York
Yes, a sensible precaution if your choice of man resembles mine.

How do I find a good waxer? Alice, 32, London
Ask your Gay Best Friend. Your GBF will be much hairier and that much more of a wimp with pain than you so will have their name and number on speed-dial. Alternatively try the SG directory on this website.

My little sister’s getting married, I’ve just been ditched and I don’t want to be a big bridesmaid. Felicity, 28, Cambridge
Tell Bridezilla that you love her but being dressed in bronze (she’ll inevitably pick gold’s poorer relation for fear you’ll look better than her on her big day) is all too much for your shattered heart. Instead, offer to do a reading and suggest a random female relative under the age of 10 for duties of the train bearing, frilly dress wearing, ilk.

How do I leave a nonchalant voicemail? Maya, 27, Dorset
Even the coolest SGs can get flustered, and since calling, like barbecuing, is one of the few jobs left on earth for males, leave it to him. If it’s vital you dial, then don’t bother leaving a voicemail – he can see ‘missed calls’ and you can always text him your message anyway.

I don't approve of the person my friend's got engaged to, what do I do? Rob, 28, Liverpool
Say ‘well done’ – Machiavellian in its meaning as it certainly isn’t the same thing as ‘congratulations’.