:: The Single Girl's Guide :: Imogen Lloyd Webber

Ask Imo

Imogen LLoyd Webber
Photo: John Swannell
Stylist: Martha Ward
Make-up: Kathinka Warre
Dress: Temperly

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Hi there Imogen.. I'm having trouble with a girl at work who keeps thinking she is better than me and bickering at me and I dont know what to do. What can you suggest??? Ya book is cool by the way ;) Oh and I really try with my appearance and being healthy but what can I do to not to give up? salema, 21, -
Hey there... So pleased you enjoyed the book! I suspect that the best way to deal with this girl is to be crazily nice. Don't rise to the bait. She'll then either give up being a pain or in a few weeks you sit down with her and calmly ask if there's something you're doing that's upsetting her. She'll have to stop behaving so childishly. As for being healthy and stuff - don't beat yourself up if you are occasionally naughty (I type this hungover!) but also remember that if you feel good about yourself you're going to be happier...

Hi Imogen, I just wanted to tell you how much your book is helping me! I'm going through a very tough time at the moment. I have a close member of family who is dying of cancer, I have just graduated uni and am having difficulty getting a job and also having man trouble too! I had a distraction but he has started a relationship with someone else. I let myself fall for him and I'm heartbroken. Anyway I read bits of your book every night and it always makes me smile and realise that being single is not the end of the world. So thank you so much. xxxx Holly, 21, Sheffield
Holly thank you so much for your message. I'm so sorry to hear about your relative being so ill. Everything when it can, does always seem to go wrong at once. Hang on in there, thinking of you, Ix

Hello, Imogen and single ladies! I was hoping to see more queries posted here that would pertain to balancing work, social activities, domestic chores, pets, errands, and relationships (of all kinds: lovers, friends, family, co-workers). However, it seems every comment begins "so there's this guy" or "I'm normal, why can't I meet anyone?" And one thought came to my mind...a watched pot never boils! Now, don't get me wrong, I'm single as anyone, but fixating on boys/guys/men/women (if that's the case) seems very 'high school' to me. We're fabulous women now! Don't hide out in your house. Don't obsess over one guy. Get out of your bubble. Smile. Don't walk around with your phone stuck to your head. Read Imogen's book! Good luck to everyone in all facets of their lives! :) Jessica, 30, Florida
Jessica - loving your message, I'm smiling ear to ear!!! Thank you so much for writing, Ix

Dear Imo, I have been platonic friends with a man for about five years, he recently divorced from his wife. He asked me out and while I'll admit that I am attracted to him. However, because of the circumstances surrounding his divorce, I believe all I would be is the rebound girl. I told him that we should keep things the way they are and go from there. He's taken it as if I have given him the "let's be friends" brush off. Now we are no longer speaking. Is there any way for us to remain friends and get that connection back? Natalia, 30, Pueblo, CO
The platonic/non-platonic thing can be so hard... Honestly, this is a tough one. I think the only thing to do is to explain to him exactly why you don't think you should date - at the moment. Gently talk about how you see he is hurt, and that also you are very frightened of being rebound girl and that you will get very hurt too. If he's not speaking to you, write it all in a real letter and post it - emails and texts/voice mails are too easy to delete. Also, if you have a good mutual - discrete - friend, have a word with them, to see if they can help heal the rift. Take care, Ix

A super book of all time, the best book I ever read - I hope to hear some more from you! Mette Rasmussen, 37, denmark
Many thanks! Ix

Dear Imo-- Just found your site and love it. Tell Wendy in Idaho Falls -- Yes IF is small- it is hard to find friends and clubs ( both social and dance)here because EVERYTHING revolves around THE church. Do as I did--take up bellydancing--there are several teachers--and a great bunch af ladies to make friends with. Keep shaking Kay, 30, Idaho Falls
Belly dancing, fabulous! Wendy, you have your answer fron Kay...! Ix

I love your book. It is answering a lot of questions that I've had for a while. I particularly like the chapter on work management. Are you gonna be writing anymore books like the SG's Survival Guide? Rebecca, 20, Atlanta, Ga
Rebecca, thank you so much - really pleased you enjoyed it and found it useful. I'm writing a new book at the moment, but it's fiction. Needless to say, however, my heroine is a very fabulous SG!!

Okay, My ex-boyfriend was a regular at the bar casino I work at. I was trying to back out of the relationship with him. Recently he moved his ex wife in with him. He denied they were having a relationship, when directly asked. Okay I am a little angry, but the worst part is he keeps bringing this person into my work. I just ignore it but I wish he would stop. I don't talk to him or even give him eye contact. She had to know about me because my stuff was all over his house. Any suggestions on how to handle it, is ignoring this the best thing to do? Dee Dee, 40, Washington
It sounds as if your ex is trying to make a go of it with his ex wife. You're having to see someone you loved with someone else - and it's hard. The most important thing you need to do now is to focus on you, and I spend most of my book, which is in Target, explaining how. From pampering yourself to going out with your friends. You will reach the stage where it doesn't matter to you what's going on with this man. You'll be happy in you, and that's what counts.

I haven't purchased your book, but I will buy it tomorrow; I'm intrigued! Do you believe guys and girls can be just friends in their 30+? My best friend is a guy whom I've slept with and have amazing after hours=), but I know that I don't want a relationship from him as he would never be loyal(otherwise I would). Lately we fight about everything and are hyper-sensitive about everything - not sure if it is worth the energy. Do you think opposite sexes can truly be friends without a romantic relationship? Chelley, 30, California
Hi Chelley, hope you're enjoying the book. Yes men and women can truly be friends without a romantic relationship - I've got many Platonic boyfriends. BUT as soon as you exchange any sort of bodily fluids with them you can no longer truly be friends, or at least for a while. Your best friend - you've crossed that line, and it sounds like both of you are hurting because of it. I suspect you need to sit down with him, say: either we go out and you are faithful or we need to stop this and I need to be single enough to allow a man who will be, in. You deserve someone worthy of you. If this guy won't date you properly, then you need to stop sleeping with him and maybe, in time, your friendship will come back. Good luck!

I was involved with a man who, after dating exclusively for a while, told me that he really liked me and liked spending time with me, but he didn't know if he could love or marry me. I never said anything about marriage, though we did discuss being able to love someone. I told him that he needed to leave me alone. He twisted it around and said I was saying he wasn't for me. That's not what I said. I just said I wanted a relationship and not something casual. I have no idea what he was doing. Could you explain this to me? He is older than I am, and he is not dating anyone else. I'm moving on - I live my life, stay busy, spend time with family/friends. I really cared about him, but I can't do this in between stuff. I don't think he wanted to date others. I think he just wanted me available when HE wanted me. I want to be better prepared if this happens to me with someone else. Thank you! Mary, 40, Indiana
Mary, thanks for your message, which I had to edit a little because of space. I think you have answered your own question! He was confused, so was confusing you. But fundamentally, you know what you want - a relationship and not to be used, which you felt he was. So you're doing all the right things. Focus on you, and spending time with your family and friends. When the next man comes along, try not to take these memories of this ex with you too much - your relationship with someone else will be different as they are different. Good luck!

It seems there are just no guys who want to connect. I moved to Idaho Falls from SLC UT to try to save my toxic marriage and stayed. I have a great job that I love and I like it here. Problem is there is no one single that has a brain that I can meet. How do you meet quality people? The on-line thing has been a disaster. Any advice is very welcome. Wendy Wendy, 44, Idaho Falls, ID
Hi Wendy. The most important thing you can do, which I outline in my book, is to celebrate being single and the freedom it brings you. Concentrate on hanging out with work colleagues, taking up courses - from Salsa to Skydiving, going out with friends to every event you can find. The more people you connect with, the more chance you will have of meeting someone...

Hi Imogen I recently got back in touch with a guy I went to school with and well we seemed to hit it off - but he only seems to be interested in using me for sex. What should I do? Erin, 19, Manchester
Hi Erin, thanks for your message. As a modern woman you have two options on this, and you need to figure out what YOU want. Now, some girls would be able to channel their inner Samanthas from SATC, and use him right back, which is cool if it works for them. But if you want your sex spiced with a little meaning, then that's very understandable. In which case, you need to take a step back from this guy, concentrate on making your life work for you - from work to friends to where you live to how you look. If he tries it on again tell him that he has to treat you properly and not use you. If he won't, then good riddance - you'll go off and find someone who will be amazing to you, as you deserve.

Hi! I moved to Phoenix about 6 months ago from a very small town in the upper-Midwest. I’m now a single girl in a city the size (population) of my home state. Since moving here I've been having a lot of trouble meeting new people, especially guys. I'm kind of a shy person when I first meet people and I try to step outside of my comfort zone every once and a while but it's not working very well. Do you have any suggestions for meeting new people in this city? My usual avenues of meeting new friends (gotta have friends to introduce you to their single guy friends) aren't working. Tina, 21, Phoenix, AZ
Hi Tina, thanks for your message. Lots of tips on all of this in the Single Girl's Survival Guide which is on Amazon and in Target. First of all, before you focus on meeting a man, you need to focus on you. Men will come to you when you're confident and happy in yourself. So concentrate on your work, how you feel about yourself (pamper yourself, exercise etc), make sure you're happy about where you're living (are you living alone - maybe you should have a roommate so you can double up on friends). Once all that is done, you need to go out as much as possible. Not with the intention of getting a guy, but just to having fun. So join a salsa class, even take sky diving lessons! Anything that means you come into contact with lots of people. Because through them, who will be attracted to spending time with you because you are happy and confident, men will appear. Have so much fun - 21 in a big new city. Enjoy! Ix

Hello Imo! I just found out about your book. I've met a boy, we have had three dates - and on the third we were playing. But before the real thing, he finished :) . He left my apartment, and after I started feeling like a prostitute because we have only seen each other three or four times. Yesterday we talked online but he was kind of cold. He asks me why I don't have more friends (I'm not italian, I'm just here for studies - moved a month ago) but he doesn't seem to want to introduce me to his friends. Is it too fast to want to meet his friends? Was he cold because he was ashamed of his "too soon climax?" What should I do? I like him, but I kind of think he is not looking at me seriously. How do I show him I am a good girl?? And how do I find your book in Italy?? :) Thanks! Rosa, 28, Italy
Hi Rosa. The Single Girl's Guide will be out in Italian soon, but you can get the English version at Amazon.co.uk or the American version at Amazon.com. As for your Italian boy... I sense he is embarrassed, and also probably not sure what he wants. After all, you're only in Italy for studies at the moment. The most important thing is to focus on you. On meeting people without him (you want to have your own friendship circle in Italy without him - because if something goes wrong between you, at least you can still have happy times, as his friends will be loyal to him). If he sees you are having fun without him, then he will probably be back to you in no time, introducing you to everybody in his world. The minute we get needy, boys tend to start running away. Have the most AMAZING time in Italy - it's the chance of a lifetime. Don't let one man ruin it in any way. Take care, Ix

Hi Imo, I have this problem with a guy that I like. We first met through a friend, he just recently moved into town. We hit it off that first night and we began calling and messaging each other all the time. Unfortunately, he began to go out with another girl in town. I do not get a long with this girl, but I try to be civil to her as we live in a small town. My problem stems from the fact that I see them together at the same social settings. I don't know how to act around them without my feelings being out on my sleeve for this guy. I know that I should just ignore them and go on with life, but he keeps coming up to me with his problems in his relationship with his new girl. How do I get past the point of being the friend that likes a guy but he only sees me as a person to complain to about his relationship when he knows how I feel about her. I also feel that he is stringing me along. Wanting to go do stuff together but not following through. I need your help so that I can go out and enjoy myself. Thanks. Karline, 24, Wyoming
Hi Karline. All of this I cover in my book, which should be at your nearest Target and is of course on Amazon. You need to start focussing on you. This guy is having his cake and eating it - he basically has two girls at his beck and call, and you are letting him. So it's time for some self protection. Focus on your work, on pampering yourself, maybe even buying yourself a new outfit or some shoes if you can. Go out and have fun with your other friends. Take up a new activity - Salsa, or whatever else is on offer where you live. Don't always answer his calls or texts and don't always be available - don't even agree to do stuff with him in the beginning. Be open to meeting and dating new people. Either he will realise he is being an idiot and will come and date you properly, or you will have moved on and be loving the SG life - or someone else. He is not the be all and end all, and at the moment he is believing he is. Take that away from him. Now, go play! Ix

Hi Imogen! I was talking/flirting with a guy I went to school with and an attraction was definitely there from the outset. But he seemed to be one of those All Text No Trouser kind of guys and so I started dating someone else. I recently broke it off with him, and texting buddy found out. He then began texting me and telling me he still really liked me and wanted to pursue something with me...I am very attracted to this guy, but I told him that he would have to make an effort - like ask me to go do stuff and call me. Here's the problem: he's moving to California on a basketball scholarship, so our relationship would have to be long distance. He tells me he is very serious about me, and he has made an effort to take me out and call me since we had the convo... but I just don't wanna put my heart out there with someone who is just content having a long distance relationship via texting... What should I expect of him concerning him making an effort? I really like this guy... Holly, 24, Tulsa, OK
Hi Holly, many thanks for your message which I had to edit a little because of space. You like this guy, he likes you. He seems to be stepping up to the plate. I suggest having a very honest chat discussing how you'd both make a long distance relationship work and what you'd expect from each other (that's not for me to judge - it's what you're both happy with). On the basis of this chat you can then decide if you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend or just good friends. Good luck! Ix

After recently asking for advice from you re my relationship, I have since (admittedly half-heartedly) tried to move on from him. However, I have stayed in touch. A few weeks ago, after a long chat, we agreed to give it another crack (his words not mine). However since then he has sent me a long e-mail advising me re my weight, texted me saying he regards himself as single and that I should just accept it's over, as well as saying that last time we slept together my boobs were a bit sweaty and suggesting I washed them with soap! I've not made any contact since then and am not planning to either - he does know where I am. It is very painful and distracting though however and am wondering if I may need a counsellor. I don't exactly feel I can turn to him! Heidi, 29, Surrey
Heidi, I've had to edit your message a bit because of space. You are right - do not make contact with him. This man is rude, he's bad for you, he insults you, he is destroying your self-esteem and playing with your mind. Stop letting him back. Instead focus on you and being happy and a man worthy of you will appear in your world. There's nothing wrong in seeing a counsellor when you're going through a tricky patch, which you are at the moment, so speak to your GP about finding one in your area. Good luck - it will get better.

Hi, I have been a SG for quite a good few years and I love the freedom. The problem is I feel like I should try this relationship game to see what all the fuss is about. I have dated a number of men (some at the same time!!) over the last wee while but everytime I get to that stage with a bloke I just don't want to give up my freedom. As an SG in her 30's is this how you feel or is it just a case that there is a serious lack of decent and interesting men? Is meeting a guy all that life should be about or is that just my mother's opinion? Thanks Cx Catherine, 31, Edinburgh
There is no right or wrong answer here - everyone is different. There is nothing so heady and amazing as being in love - but you can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be when you're single. It may be a cliche, but you'll know when you meet the person that you do want to have a proper relationship with - and you obviously haven't yet. Until that point, shop, as you are now! As far as your mother goes, I do have a whole chapter in my book about dealing with family. The problem is, for older generations, they have been programmed to think that a single woman by definition is unhappy. All your mother wants you to be is happy, so you need to train her to realise that you are in your single state! Ix

Hi Imogen, I only recently discovered your site and your book which I'm going to go straight on and read. I've not yet had a relationship, partly because I've been waiting till I'm older and wiser to open up to that kind of experience. Now I feel like I'm ready, nothing's happening! I've always tried to be positive about my independence and that I don't need a man to be happy, but it gets me down sometimes, you can't help it really. Any tips on how to stay more positive, both physically (in terms of fitness) and emotionally? Thanks :D Nora, 19, Surrey
Hi Nora, many thanks for your message. Good for you for waiting until you are ready to get involved with someone. I cover everything you mention in depth in the book. It is important to make sure that you're happy in yourself - from your work, to how you look, to your relationships with your friends, before you get into a relationship with someone. If you are happy, and make a real effort to be out and about as much as possible with your friends and in any clubs (from gym to the night variety!), your path will cross with someone who is worthy of you. Ix

A couple of weeks ago you appeared in the colour magazine of the Sunday Express A great article but please, please can you tell me about the 'maltesers bag'. Where did you buy it as I really want one and would love to own one. norma, , Wales
Hello... I love that bag too (sometimes I go out with "real life" maltesers inside it!!?!). I bought it a few years ago from Anya Hindmarch...

Hi Imo, I've been married for 3 years and have a 9 month old son. I'm writing because I feel like my marriage is stuck in a rut with no passion or sparkle. My husband seems to have no interest in sex and doesn't like kissing, although he did when we started going out several years ago. Foreplay is really borning and he's pretty selfish. I've tried dressing up to get him going but I'm fed up that he does nothing to make me feel attractive. I just feel lonely and unloved. He says he doesn't come from a 'huggy' family and is really bad at showing his feelings or sharing intimacy. I do love him and I know he loves me but he can't bring himself to show it - either because he's lazy or it makes him feel awkward. What can I do to help us reach a happy medium without him feeling smothered? Jenny, 29, Birmingham, England
Jenny, many thanks for your message. I have to admit that having been single most of my adult life this is somewhat out of my area of expertise... I would suggest - it's nothing to be ashamed of - maybe going to have a few sessions with a Relate counsellor (your GP will have the info or look up online), who will absolutely be able to help you properly. You can go on your own, or both go together. It sounds like you both love each other hugely, but just need to find a way to express the way you feel to each other, while getting over the inevitable adjustment of the new addition to your family. I have no doubt you will be able to gently take down those barriers he has - and find out the reason why they're there in the first place. Take care, Ix

I lost my son 3 years ago and then my husband left me. I came to live in Ireland after a nervous breakdown, 26 months ago, now I am lonely and have no idea how to start moving forward with my life, any ideas. Johanna, 55, Ireland
Johanna - thank you so much for your message. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss - both of them. Losing your son and then separating from your husband so quickly - it can be no surprise you had a breakdown. Moving to a new place, making a new start was such a brave thing to do. The first thing I'll say, is that I hope you're getting proper professional support as you grieve. Your local GP will be able to put you in touch with people who can help. You don't mention your friends from where you lived before and also other family. If it's appropriate then speaking to them and setting up visits - either them to you or you to them would put dates in the diary. I know it's hard, but keeping as busy as possible will help you move forward. Getting a job, or looking to move jobs if the one you are in doesn't have a great team, is important. Something to do for a certain number of hours in a day will help a little. Join any clubs, or a church or take any courses that are offered in your local community - anything that will help you come into contact with people. Pamper yourself - have a bath with some nice bubble bath, get your hair done. Slowly but surely, as you fill your days and come into contact with more and more people, you will feel alive again. Thinking of you, Ix

Hi Imogen, Here's my situation. Just this past weekend after a party I slept with a guy whom I have hooked up with before last summer. I also told him I liked him just recently (Throughout the year we barely kept in touch). However, this weekend we seemed to hit it off. The only thing is, after sleeping with him, he hasn't contacted me since. And he's even been online numerous times. Why is he ignoring me? He seemed really sincere before and after the sex. I'm so confused. Anna, 20, Toronto
Hi Anna. You're confused becuase he's confused. He's a boy, their brains aren't as good as ours. He's probably either having a panic attack because he really likes you and isn't sure whether he wants a relationship... Or he's a complete a***hole who took advantage. Because he was so lovely after the sex, I suspect the panic attack option is what's going on in his mind. Now, I know it's hard, and I know it's hideous, and believe me I've been there checking "who's online" - but at the moment passive is active. Do absolutely nothing in regards to this guy. Don't contact him, change his name on your phone to something deeply unappealing like small p*nis. Instead fill your diary up with work, with going out with friends, even visiting family. This way either a) he'll come to you as he realises you're too good to lose or b) you'll meet someone who treats you as you deserve when you're out and about. Whether it's a or b, you win. It will get better, promise. Ix

I have recently been in touch with a guy I met on a social network site. He is a friend of a friend. We have been messaging each other for a month and are hoping to meet up next week. The problem is I'm 21 and have never had a boyfriend before. Should I tell him this or wait till he asks about past relationships? He is 5 years older than me and has had two serious relationships before. Also, I'm so nervous about the date and any tips would be a big help! Rachel, 21, UK
Hello... All this sounds very exciting. Obviously as you don't know this guy yet, even though he's a friend of a friend, do make sure you meet up in a public place and tell your friends where you are, and text/call them when you're home. You can never be too careful. I do cover dating extensively and have lots of tips for conversation and what to wear etc. etc. in my book, but what I will say about your first meet up, is not to attach too much expectation to it. Meet for a drink or a coffee, and if you like each other a second date will come. Otherwise, it may just be you've made a new friend (who will have friends...!). I tend to avoid relationship histories initally - if you do decide to take things further these things have a way of naturally coming out anyway. Good luck and keep safe! Ix

My boyfriend recently dumped me and I am afraid that he is going ask another girl out (She does the same martial arts and does the same class as me). What should I do ?? HELP!! P.S ... I still have feelings for him. He dumped me on Sunday :( Emily, 19, Edlesbrough
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You are having somewhat of a 'mare. It is so much harder, initially, when everything is right there in your face. BUT, here's the good news. When I got ditched by someone in college, and he then kissed all (and I mean all) my friends, it gave me the chance to get properly over him. It meant I didn't put him on a pedestal, it allowed me to work through my feelings and eventually completely stop pining for him. All you can do now is focus on you. Don't let him - or this other girl - see you cry. Focus on your work, on going out with your friends, on being happy in you. If you do need to sob, do it with a friend behind closed doors. And you know what, if you are happy in you, someone fantastic who treats you as you deserve will come along. And probably make your ex green eyed with envy. Of course by then, you'll be properly over him, and won't want him back. Hang on in there, it will get better, promise.Ix PS Lots of handy tips in my book, but here's a good one - change his name on your mobile to the reason why you don't want to be with him anymore (small pen*s, sh*t kisser, whatever). It will reduce the chance of you drinking and dialling!

My bf - who I've been going out with for over 2 years - and I, argue alot. In the morning when I see him, we automaticaly argue, then make up, then during the day we argue, then make up. It's like a routine, and I don't know if it's bringing us closer or taking us further apart. Because when we are together it feels great, but when we argue I tend to go a little psyco and I can't do anything right? mya, 18, london
Mya thank you for your message. Now I have to admit that my area of expertise is living and loving the single girl's life, not the attached's! However, what's going on in yours sounds exhausting. You've been with the guy for 2 years, so I suggest just sitting down one day and calmly telling him how you feel. Say to him that the arguing is getting you down and discuss why you both might be doing it. A relationship with spark is great, but not one that makes you feel that you can't do anything right. Better to be single and happy with the chance of meeting someone right, than in a relationship and unhappy. Take care, Ix

I am falling in love with this boy - and my bestfriend is dating him. Now you may think that I am way too young for love but I know what I feel and nobody else does. My best friend doesn't know about this and I am afraid to tell her. I need some advice and can't get it from her because I never know when the right time is for her to know. Can you give me some advice? What should I do? How am I supposed to tell her? Melissa, 13, kentucky
Melissa, love can be painful at any age, but I think it's really bad the younger you are. But here's the thing about boys - they tend to come and go. Best friends are for life. I met mine when I was 11 - and 20 years later I speak to her 5 times a day. I'd be lost without her, I couldn't cope. However, if I'd gone to her when we were 13 and told her I wanted her boyfriend, she'd probably have been so hurt and upset she wouldn't want to have been my friend anymore. Do you really want to lose your friendship? Because that's what probably will happen if you tell her or do anything with this guy. You don't know what's going to happen in the future. But if you focus on having fun with all your friends, on school, on being happy without boyfriend, the right guy will come along. And he will want to be with you - not your best friend. Think Charlie's Angels, Sex And The City - girlfriends are way more important! Ix

Why is it when I met this boy at a skating ring he wants to be all lovey dovey toward me and then after we talk for a while and we start to ask each other personal questions he tells me that he likes me so so so much and then he goes out with other girls that are like younger than him? He really breaks my heart... Amishia, 14, Lexington Kentucky
It's because he's confused and doesn't know what he wants. That confusion is confusing you - but you're better than this. Amishia, you need to focus on you - having fun with your friends, your work at school, making sure that you're happy on your own. If he's worth it, he'll see how happy and fantastic you are and come go out with you. If he's not, someone else who will treat you as you deserve will come along... As my book says, enjoy being single - there's nothing wrong in it! Ix

Why does this guy who I asked out say yes and then say he is not looking for anything at the minute then doesnt speak to me for two weeks? Helen Maude, 21, County Durham
Because he's scared of modern woman. Your turn - ignore him, focus on having fun being you and with your friends. If he likes you and is worth it, he will come get you. And if he doesn't, while you're out and about enjoying life someone else worthy who will treat you as you'll deserve will come along.

Here's my problem...I have been preoccupied with men lately, and as a result can't seem to focus on my exams! I met this man at a party a few months ago, we hardly got to know each other there. However, after we starting to communicate more via instant messages...we went out to lunch with each other. During lunch all seemed well, laughing, smiling, etc. After lunch he then asked to play pool and I believe, we hit it off great. However, shortly after I had asked him to hang out again and he replied he was 'too busy'. Ever since then he stopped replying to my messages. Until one night in which he texted me at 2am saying to go play pool again...Im getting mixed messages here. Here is another problem of mine...I am a virgin, and whenever I go out with a man, and he loses interest...I seem to blame it on my virginity, and the fact that they may back off because of it. However he knew I was a virgin before we hung out. What is wrong here? I really liked him physically and emotionally...but should I just forget him and move on? Nelly, 19, Montreal
Right a few things here. Number 1 - your exams. They have to be your number 1 priority right now. I went to Cambridge Uni - I know how dull they can be, but this is the rest of your life we're talking about. OK, moving on. You're 19 and a virgin - you're waiting for the right person - that's fantastic! You're doing the right thing, so don't worry about that, take it out of your mind. This man who's causing you problems? One of my platonic boyfriends, an INFAMOUS womaniser, once said to me: if a man wants you, he will come get you. And not drunkenly at 2AM (another male friend of mine says that girls between 10PM and 3AM "don't count"). You've made your interest clear - now stop contacting him, focus on sailing through those exams, and if he is worthy and deserving of you, he will come find you PROPERLY - ie take you places before 10PM! Otherwise, when you're out and about and in your post exam celebrations, someone else will come along and you will forget all about him as this new one will be so great. Good Luck! Ix

Hi Imogen, My girlfriends and I have been single for the longest time. We're not ugly or shy. We're quite sociable too. Why is it that we still can't find a decent man for each of us? Rose, 20, Toronto
Probably two levels - at 20 it's very hard to find a decent man as the ones your age are still properly playing and they can be scared off by the concept of women wanting "committment". Also, it sounds to me like you could all be going out together as a pack - and men may be too scared to approach. If you are happy, healthy and balanced in you, it is time to let people in. So, perhaps go out with just one girlfriend as a wingman, make eye contact... and see what happens! Unlike us, men aren't mind readers, and need a little encouragement...! Remember it's not about hunting, it's about drawing them in... Enjoy! x

Hi Imogen, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm feeling distraught. As you will probably remember my situation, hence writing to you before, the 3 months was up on Wednesday and he texted me this morning to ask if we could leave tonight, as he would now like the freedom to see other women, although he would be happy to be lovers as well, i.e have an open relationship.I do still have strong feelings for him, but would prefer to be in a committed relationship, but am finding it very hard to accept him dating again. Heidi Mumford, 29, Surrey
DITCH HIM. Move on, concentrate on you and all the fantastic times you can have when being single, and someone who treats you properly will come along. He sounds like an absolute w**ker who doesn't deserve any girl in his world. Open relationship? Tell him to get lost! And to do it all by text? Arrogant little loser. You're better off without him!

I broke up with my boyfriend 8 months ago. We had been together for 8 years. He was in another relationship with a woman within 2 weeks after our breakup. After about 3 months of going with her, he found out that I was dating someone else and came over to my house and told me that he still loved me and wanted to get back together. We talked about getting together for the next few days and he even broke up with his current girlfriend and told her that he still loved me. At least that is what he told me. Now all of a sudden he has changed his mind and he says he's staying with this other woman. I tried to get him to talk to me and explain to me why he changed his mind so I could have some kind of closure but he ignored my calls and texts. I finally gave up on him but I'm still really hurt. It's been 4 months. Now he keeps texting me. It is just friendly, wanting to know how I am and how my family is. Some of his texting is just stupid questions that he already knows the answers to. It's like he's tring to find a reason to text me. I was texting him back but haven't lately. It just hurts too much. I believe he still is with this woman because he only texts me at certain times of day. He told me when we first broke up that he couldn't be friends with me that it would hurt him to much. Why is he texting me and should I continue to ignore them or respond and tell him to quit texting me or ask him why now, what do you want from me? Kathleen, 42, usa
Oh Kathleen, I'm so sorry for the nightmare time you've been having. Men do have a tendancy to move on very quickly - but all my platonic boyfriends assure me that isn't because they don't or never cared. So, the fact your ex did, is no reflection on what you had with him. At the same time he's now trying to have his cake and eat it. He's not sure who he wants - but he knows he doesn't want anyone else to have you. This is simply not on, and you deserve better. I suggest saying - give me my space, let's not have any communication for a while, maybe we can be friends in time. If he complains and keeps texting, tell him that either he wants you, and comes back to you properly, or he just has to go away for now as it is unfair on you. Stay strong, sweetheart. Ix

Hey Imo, How are you? I sent in a question about 6 months ago about a guy who told me he liked me but hasn't spoken to me since...well how things change! Two weeks ago he apologised for the way he treated me, he was hung up on an ex who hurt him...we went out that night and have been texting since and he's told me he still likes me. He then drops it into conversation that he's not looking for a relationship...am I right to be totally confused? My theory is he doesn't want to be hurt again, I really like him and don't know what to do!! I hope you're getting over your jet lag and enjoying NYC! Thanks in anticipation, Hannah x Hannah, 20, Scotland
One word: men. He's confused, therefore is confusing you. By getting on with your life for 6 months he's suddenly woken up to the fact that he may want you, told you... and then had a panic attack. You deserve better than to be messed around like this. Take a step back, focus on you and your life, and if he's worth it he'll step up to the plate and come get you. Otherwise, he'll lose you to someone worthy. Take care, x

Hey Imo, Just been through a really really bad period of time with four very depressing things happening in 2 weeks. My best friend Sam is helping me through it because he is the only one I trust at the moment, he keeps me normal and stops me from getting to down, he makes me laugh, flirts with me, takes me on movie nights, listens to me if I phone him at 2AM in tears and has some really weird nicknames for me. I'm falling slowly and deeply for him, but does he feel the same way or is he just protective of me? What do you think? Jess, 15, England
Jess, first of all, I'm so sorry you've been having a rubbish time recently. It sounds like in Sam you have a true proper friend. The first thing I'll say, is that if you're going through a bad patch, it's not a good idea to start a new relationship with anyone. Dating someone and all the associated emotions can be a bit of a head f**k for the strongest person, let alone if you're not in a good place at the start. At the moment you need to focus on making you happy again: ensuring your school work is as good as it can be, pampering yourself with beauty treatments, focussing on being with your friends. As for Sam, it is clear that he cares deeply for you, but once you've crossed that line with a Platonic Boyfriend, you can never go back. I've done this in the past, and I've ended up pretty much losing them forever - whereas the boys I haven't kissed will be friends for life. Focus on fabulous you for a little while, and when you are feeling better, things will be clearer with Sam. Ix

So he asked me to move in & I do, then I find out he's calling, seeing & meeting with friends that are women, but not telling me and lying about it when called-out on it. He's also adding women to his web-pages "as FRIENDS". What's the deal? Why would he even ask me to move in at all?? Thanks in advance for your attention - ur problem child! :) Tawnee, 41, Indianapolis
Tawnee - DITCH HIM. You don't trust him; whether or not these women are just friends or not (I've got lots of Platonic Boyfriends who are just that - friends - on things like Facebook), he does feel the need to lie about other matters. That may be because he doesn't want to get into an argument with you and he's innocent, but even so. Relationships are about trust, so get your own place, concentrate on having fun being you and going out places with your friends, and someone will come who you do trust and do deserve. Life is too short! x

Hi Imogen, I hope you won't mind me raising this, but in your book (which I have just finished reading and loved!), you said that you've come across many attractive men who prefer women over 30, because they tend to have no inhibitions (which is fine) and because they know what they're doing in the bedroom. I admit, having only lost my virginity last summer, aged 29 (long story!), I found it a little belittling *blush* I very much regret this experience however, because my boyfriend at the time (and currently still is), cheated on me shortly afterwards, which has left me heartbroken. I think I deserve better than him, because he's admitted that he doesn't regret it (maybe that was my fault for asking him), because he wanted to be with her at the time - who he has remained in touch with. Not only this, but in December went for dinner with her about a month after telling me, that he'd reached a compromise that he'd keep in touch with her, but wouldn't see her! He also asked a female colleague for dinner around this time too, but cancelled, after realising it was insensitive. I still don't 100% trust him though, even though we decided (my idea) to give it 3 months, a few days after he finished with me in the new year, which will end on Apr 9th (unless we decide to continue). Hope to hear from you, With best wishes, Heidi x Heidi, 29, Surrey
Thank you so much for writing. I have to say, your message made me want to hunt down this man and give him a good kicking! Making love with someone is a big deal and so good on you for waiting. How dare he then treat you in this manner? He sounds like the biggest turd in town. Ditch him, and as I say in the book, focus on you, on going out and doing the things you enjoy, and you will meet someone who treats you like the Princess you are. Don't worry about experience - every new couple takes time to discover what works for them in the bedroom, it's just about being open and honest about what does. There are decent men out there, who absolutely will love you given the chance - but the appalling and outrageous way this one has acted with you shows that he isn't one of them. Relationships are about trust, and he has earned none of yours.You take care and get out there and enjoy being young, free and single... xx

My ex girlfriend has got attracted to me again and is insisting I should smooch her and take her for a date. Frankly speaking she's a hot babe so what should I do? Go ahead with that woman or just ignore her? joe, 32, indonesia
Well, since you're calling her "that woman" hopefully she'll ignore you! You can be lonelier in the wrong relationship than you ever can be when you're single, and I fear for her that she hasn't been able to see that yet. It sounds like you're not bringing out the best in each other, everyone should be happy - so move on.

To be honest, I've never heard about the Single Girl's Guide or you untill today. Yet I am very curious about the book, specially since I need lots of assistance. I am 25, have had very few relationships and none of which I would call real boyfriends. It has been six years since my last 'relationship' and I don't have a clue what to do. For the longest time it was fun to be single, but now all my friends are in relationships and when we go out I am the only single person in the group. I have tried going to new places to meet new 'single' friends and hopefully a decent guy who to go out with but so far not much has come out of it. I don't want to get desperate but I honestly don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP!!!! Lexie, 25, Atlanta, Georgia
Hello Lexie, thank you for your message. My book, which is called THE SINGLE GIRL'S SURVIVAL GUIDE in the US covers everything you speak of. First of all, you're young. So what if your other friends are in relationships? Don't worry about comparing yourself to them, or think there's anything wrong with you. There isn't. The key thing to remember is this: the relationship that is right for you, will find you. Normally, the minute you start looking, men will immediately realise, get scared and run away (I know, it's happened to me and all the women I write about in my book!). So, instead, focus on you. Make sure you're in a job you like, are happy with the way you look and where you live. If not, take steps to change these foundation stones of your life. Go out as much as possible with friends - attached or not, but especially in places where there are lots of people, such as bars and clubs. You could also join a club - learn to say, Salsa or take a car mechanics course! The more you are out, clearly happy in you, the more people (and men) will be around you. Don't panic. It will happen. Good Luck! x

I just met a guy from an internet dating site last night and our goodnight kiss led to a two hour lip lock. I feel embarrassed because I don't want him to think I'm easy but it seems like there is alot of attraction. What do you think, does it make me look easy and what should my next move be? dawn, 36, baltimore,md.
You're a grown woman, you had a great time - and you've made it obvious you like him. Don't feel bad, but now passive is active. The ball is in his court, let him step up to the plate. Don't do ANYTHING - the next move is his to make, especially as it's Valentines this week....

I have a crush for a guy but he does not seem to be interested anymore. We used to be close but we did not date. What shall I do? Maya, 26, Lebanon
Hmm. I'm not sure from your message whether you've kissed or just been friends with this man. Whichever way, I think you need to move on. One of two things will happen a) you'll find someone who's worthy of you who will date you and act like a real man, or b) this guy will realise what he's been missing and come get you... Either way, you win!

If the girl got a Brazilian like he asked what would the girl make the guy do?? Katie, 17, Minnesota
I cover this in the book...! He has to have a back wax if any hair there - and also concentrate on giving you MULTIPLE O's before he's allowed any!!

First of all, I loved your book! Secondly, I heard a rumor that you briefly dated Gerard Butler. So my two questions revolve around these two questions: Are you going to write a sequel? Did you really date Gerard? Thanks. Lizzie Lizzie, 31, US
Hi Lizzie, so pleased you enjoyed the book! I've just started work on a new one, but this one's fiction. Fingers crossed it will be out for next year! As for Gerry Butler - we've been out - with our mutual friends!! (For some reason the paps decided to cut them out of the photos!!). Just rumour - two of my very good friends are very good friends of his too!

I am newly back into maybe finding a boyfriend, after being married for 9 years and having two disastrous attempts at dating/cohabiting. I am bit wiser now but still very nervous about new men. However I've re-connected with a man from High School. I was always attracted then but I had a boyfriend and we never went out (he went out with all my friends). We both married other people and now we're both divorced. He is seeing Rebound Girl (I have ditched rebound men). We email back and forth, mostly flirty, sometimes serious. But... How do I ask if he is interested? I want to let him know I am ready for a boyfriend again and that I have always thought of him as that. I know he liked me before but you know men are not as easy to read as females. ann, 46, Canada
Ann, lovely to hear from you! Congratulations, you really sound like you're embracing single life. When I do mention men in my book (I spend 6 chapters on all the fantastic things you can do when you're single not referring to men at all!) I do talk about something that all my Platonic Boyfriends say: if a man wants you, he will come get you. I think by all means confide in your "friend" that you are ready for a relationship, over the rebound thing, and that you are now going out and meeting people. Either he'll be afraid he's going to lose you and will come get you; or his relationship with his current girlfriend isn't so much the rebound but the real deal. You deserve the best; there may be a reason you never have got it together with this guy - and that's because Mr Right is out there waiting to meet you now... Good Luck!

I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 months. He's great, but I have little experience with boyfriends. Sometimes I get too nervous to see him - IS THIS NORMAL? Also, I'm not always sure he's telling the truth, or how he feels. He asked me what I thought about in my future. I was a little baffled and I said, "I don't know.. Art College!" . He said, "In my future, I see you." I don't know if I was either a little freaked out because it's commitment or just because it's the FUTURE?! I worry that other girls want to be with him and also that I don't see him enough because we don't go to the same school. I know I am young and all, but I want this to work out. I don't know if I'm holding my relationship back and tugging at it, or if I am being paranoid, or just too confused. Katy McA., 15, Near-ish Edinburgh, Scotland.
Hello Katy, thanks for you message - because of space I had to edit your question a little but I very much see where you're coming from. Honestly, your boyfriend sounds every bit as confused as you; I suspect that he talks of other girls because he's insecure about how you feel. My advice is try not to worry too much, but just to enjoy and have fun in the time you have with him. If the relationship isn't making you both smile, then it probably isn't right. For now, just try to relax and enjoy the moment! Ix

Hey IMO, you found any light in that black hole of yours? From one writer to another it can be hard, pacing the boards and thrashing ideas around until something fits - until the words flow freely and invoke emotions. I agree with earlier posts and would love to see a Single Guys Guide. I'll be honest and say that you're not my usual read but somehow I found your book amongst my things and it made me smile, laugh and, being single myself, it started me wondering about the flipside of the coin. Well done. Whichever direction you take I truly look forward to your next work and hope that the 'black hole' in which you find youself explodes into heavenly swathes of light as inspiration, like daybreak, whispers those difficult opening sentences into your fingers. Drizt Drizt, 29, The Glorious Welsh Valleys
Thank you so much for your message - very pleased you enjoyed the book! Think I've figured out the next one, have started to sketch some ideas out, and am going to make a final decision by the end of the week. Proper writing begins again on Monday 28th!! Ix

I'll be honest with you, I have never heard of you, I google searched something, clicked on a link and here I am. But I figured while I was here I would throw this question out there. I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 and a half months. We dated for about 9 months almost 2 years ago but I broke up with her due to relationship issues. Now that we both have heads on straight, I asked her to be with me again. She said yes, and here we are. She decided a few days ago that she wanted time away from me to think about things and to get her priorities straight. I have talked to many people of the female persuasion and they have all said the same thing, that this was just an easy way for her to break up with me. When I ask her she denies that and promptly gets angry with me and hangs up the phone. My question to you is what do you think about this? Is this something that normally goes on in relationships? Thanks in advance. Josh, 19, rochester ny
Many thanks for your message. There is no such thing as a normal relationship - every one is different. For the time being, it is perhaps wise to give your girlfriend her space and cease contact for a little while - but you also can't put your life on hold. Throw youself into doing the things that make you happy and keep you busy - work/school, outside interests. She's far more likely to come back if she hear's you're being fully functional without her. And you? You may decide - may even meet without intending to, someone who you realise is actually better suited to you and find you don't want your girlfriend back. You're very young - you have many years to meet the right person, and maybe this girl isn't it.

Hello! I heard you on Broadmind with the 2 lovely broads on XM. I was very interested in your view on single women. I too am a single woman and would never trade my single years for anything - I have become a woman I have always desired to be... is this threatening to the other gender? Nobody is approaching me apart from my ex fiance(and then just on occasions). We were together 5 years, but it was not the right time for us to get married when he proposed and he is now going back to grad school and making that his priority. I on the other hand have applied to nurse practioner school and am looking for a potential mate. But how do I not compare every man to him? How do I just let it go and not wonder if he is the one i would be "soul mates" with? erica kuhn, 28, Thousand Oaks, CA
Erica, many thanks for your message, all of which I have taken on board but have had to edit a little to fit everything in. Firstly, you are very young - you are 28. You don't need to start getting stressed about finding a "potential mate" for another ten years. Much of your adult life was taken up with your ex-fiancee - 5 years, and part of you, emotionally, is still understandably with this man. Other men will be sensing this, so in that way, you're not single. Your ex has made a break by going back to Grad School. You need to give yourself a break, focus on things that make you happy - your nursing, how and where you live and spending time out with your friends. When you're doing all that, forgetting about men entirely, is when one will come to you! It may be your ex when he sees how you're living and loving your life without him, but you're not together for a reason, and probably it will be a new man who will come to you. Make yourself the priority right now - I spend 6 chapters not mentioning men in my book but all the wonderful things you can do when you're single. That's what you need to do!

After several disastrous relationships my New Years Resolution is to find a bloke who actually loves me back and cares about me. The problem is I am constantly looking in the wrong direction!! At least I realise that now! I did met a guy a few weeks ago & it turns out that we met at an event about five years ago!! Consequently I am now wondering why he's remembered me for all these years & also how to let him know I'm interested without looking desperate!! It'd be great to hear from you! Holly Holly Knapman, 30, London
Hi Holly, Many thanks for your note (and the personal bits!). You sound utterly self-aware about where things weren't quite right in the past, which is the basis for moving forward with the right person in the future. As for the new "Distraction"? If you have his email address "bcc" him on a group email (lots of examples in the book). If he takes the bait, you're in business. If he's not interested, he won't email back, and you move on knowing there are plenty more fish in the sea. Otherwise you may be somewhat dependant on the "subtle" re-introductions of any mutual friends... Ix

I watched your segment this morning on ABC news and wanted to congratulate you for writing the book and educating people about the single life. Rajiv Garg, 39, Altadena, California
Many thanks for this message and your personal one about all your work with the Alternatives to Marriage Project - I wish you all the best with it! Happy Holidays! Imogen

Hey Imogen, can I just say you are so fantastic, I love the book but I was wondering if you could help me. I started dating a guy a few months ago and when I told him I liked girls as well he sorta flipped. He had a huge go at me then I dumped him. I then started to realize that dating him was a way to forget my sexuality; now I am getting comfortable with my sexuality I can't find anywhere to meet women, do you have any tips? Oh and can I just say I LOVE YOUR DAD'S MUSICALS! Tammy. Tammy, 16, Portsmouth
Tammy, so many thanks for taking the time to write - it sounds to me as if you're well on your way to knowing that it is important that in any type of relationship, whether it be be straight, gay or bi curious, that you share the same aspirations, feelings desires AND can communicate all of this in a truthful way. If you keep this in mind then what is right to you, will come to you. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and a very Happy 2008. Ix

How do I tell between Love and Infatuation? Sebastian, 20, Florida
That's a tricky one Sebastian... honestly, I think only time can really tell. If you're still "loving" that person when you're doing the mundane a few months in, then you know it's the real deal. Whatever the case, whether it's love or infatuation, embrace the moment and enjoy it. I think sometimes we all worry too much about the future so much we forget about enjoying the present.

Imogen-Great book and this site is the perfect supplement! Love it!! Congrats! DCchick, 25, Washington, DC
Thank you so much! V pleased you enjoyed the book... x

Hi Imogen I bought your book a while back and enjoyed reading it, some parts were hilarious. I fully relate to your experiences with PMDL types. I wanted to get your advice on these types of scum and how to best deal with them and delete them from one's life, as I seem to have an ever present pesty one getting on my friggin' nerves who doesn't quite get the message that Im not interested any more. Short of buying a gun and doing away with him what could I do, im at the edge of reason. Regards Girl Girlfriend, 24, London
Very pleased you enjoyed the book! If the PMDL is really not getting the message and you've explained that you and he are not an option there's only one thing for it. Don't respond to his texts or emails. If you happen to bump into him, give him a courteous greeting then ignore him and go off with your wingman. He'll eventually get the message... Much better option than you ending up in a police cell!

Hello Imo, For how long do you think you can leave the public with that impression that you are actually single? Bring M. Backalive, 35, Wallahimia Island
I AM single!!! Went on a date the other day, but it wasn't happening. Looking forward to much playing at Halloween! I.

As the official voice of the single girl's guide, I would hope that you will stop in to see me at my cute little Bistro Chat Noir, where solo girls are always welcome, and treated warmly. I am almost always on the floor, and would love to meet you...really liked the website!!! Good Luck, Suzanne Latapie suzanne latapie, 48, Upper East Side
This one's for you fabulous females who are based in the US in NYC! Always good to have friendly places if travelling alone - or just dining solo. x

Hi Imogen: I am looking forward to your seminar at the Learning Annex this Tuesday. I own a tee shirt company, Swish, that creates fun tees to spread the word to single women that single can be fabulous. Heidi Heidi Schmidt, 40, New York, NY
Look forward to meeting you on Tuesday! I.

Hello Imogen could you please explain to me what a 'all text and no trouser' means? thank you Nafeesa Banaras, 20, Birmingham
Check out my glossary on the site... all definitions there!
http://www.singlegirlsguideonline.com/aboutbook/glossary.php

I'm not sure if this qualifies as All Text No Trouser, need some help decyphering him... I met this gorgeous guy about two months ago on a night out. We briefly chatted, kissed, exchanged numbers, but I got dragged off by my friend. He obviously found me intriguing, as he texted me that night AND the following day... But ever since then, he texts and says we should meet up, but doesn't suggest a definite place. One time I was too tired and cancelled on him, but he didn't say, "are you still okay to meet", he just asked what my plans were?? I don't want to text him too much, so usually wait for him to text me, but when he does, it's short, friendly and always ends with something like, "have a good day then babe"... and no kiss. He told me the other week that he was going to be out in town on Saturday, so I went out too... only to find out that he was somewhere else!! I don't want to appear like a bunny boiler, but I don't know what to do? Oh and he's the type that could pretty much click his fingers and get any girl... Grrr! Michelle, 27, Birmingham
Dear Michelle, definitely sounds like an All Text No Trousers boy to me. As a platonic boyfriend once confided, real men, call. I'd give up the ghost on this one, focus on having fun as an SG, and a boy worthy of you will appear. (And if you stop texting him, it's the best chance you've got of making him realise he needs to pull his finger out and ask you out properly.... Ix)

Hey Imogen, I don't have a question, only praise for you for bucking the white powder trend. Like you and your one other friend or acquaintance in your Daily Mail article, I have never tried the Class A drug or ANY drug for that matter. I refuse to do it! I first read an article your wrote in the American teen/mid-20's magazine "Jane" and how you were NFI to parties and holidays because of your refusal to take drugs and I applaud you. The article was so funny, I laughed at all your detailed descriptions of people high on cocaine. If we can video tape people while they are high on drugs, it will be the most embarassing moment of their lives. Your parents did a really great job raising you. Much love to you and you are very beautiful, smart, funny and kind. Mr. Right will arrive on foot to meet you. If you ever do a book signing in Los Angeles, I will see you there with a copy for you to sign. I am not single, but I love your message. Love, Jo Jo, 28, Los Angeles, Ca
Jo - thank you so much for your utterly lovely message. The US version of the book is published in October, so hopefully I'll have the chance to be in America a lot at the end of the year! Ix

Is "ImogenLloydWebber" really you on youtube? I hope you don't get offended by this question if it really is you. :D Angela, 16, Waterloo, Canada
Hello Angela... Thank you for your question, the Imogen Lloyd Webber on youtube has been bugging me for a while. It's definitely not me - some people are very strange, why they'd want to pretend to be someone else I've no idea! ;)

Do you have a link to your article about the SG and weddings that appeared in the Daily Mail yesterday? Sadly, I missed it and I literally cannot BREATHE at the moment without hearing news of yet another person announcing their engagement or pregnancy to the world, (and as someone who is not likely to announce either for the forseeable future) I would be very interested in reading it :) Nicole, 23, North East Lincs
Yes, I can definitely identify with that one, Nicole! Article will be up under 'press centre' next week, but can also be found at: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=466310&in_page_id=1879
I obviously do bang on about SGs vs Bridezillas in the book too - for some reason I was given a lot of anecdotes on the topic when researching it!!! xx

Hey Imo, I am in a pretty bad situation at the moment. I just met a man I like very much. I do not know at all what to do. Should I approximate to him or should I wait? Apart from this he was in love with a friend. I am so afraid that he wants to get closer to her through me. Help me please, I am so confused! Kate, 23, Germany
Kate, this does all sound a bit confusing. First of all stop, and focus on you. Make sure before you entertain thoughts of a Distraction that you are feeling good about yourself - sort out where you are work/hair/shoe wise. Then remember the following truth told to me by a very notorious ladies man: if a man wants you, he will find you. So remain friendly with this boy, BCC him on a few funny forwards, don't drink and dial etc (all tips in Chapter 7 in book). If he wants you, and you are approachable, he will come find you. If not, you are a fabulous footloose SG, you spend a lot of time in the sea - and know there are a lot of fish in it - fish without as many issues.

This coke-snorting epidemic seems like more of a London thing as I know only a handful of people up here who do it, whereas most of my friends in the capital have nasally ingested the powder a fair few times. I know far too many persistent weed-smokers though, which is even worse - there's nothing quite as tedious as going to a party where the joints are being passed around. I mean, it usually starts off well .. but after the stuff starts to kick in, all conversation dries up (except for "pass the joint") and I'm surrounded by a room of pie-eyed zombies. (I don't have a question. Just wanted to rant about recreational drug use, hope you don't mind!) Graham, 27, Newcastle
Rants allowed! (Although I do know of many people who do like their dinner off the mirror all about the place... persistent weeders just as dull though) ;) I.

Hi Imo, thanks for reading this. The problem is that all my friends are all in relationships, but I can't seem to find that perfect guy. When I go out I feel ugly 'cos no one approaches me. I have been single now for 12 months after a violent relationship and now think it's time to move on but I can't meet anyone. Pls help x julie, 21, runcorn
Julie, thanks so much for writing. First of all, there's no need to compare yourself to your friends, or their relationships - no one really knows what's going on inside closed doors - they're probably envious of your freedom! You've been so brave and come out of a bad time with someone - and well done you for thinking it's time to move on. The most important thing is not to pressure yourself, but enjoy all the good bits about being single. Pamper yourself, do what you want to, when, with whom, and on your own terms. Get happy within yourself - and then the men will come flocking likes moths to a flame. It's the old adage - if you're looking, they'll never appear. You are so young, with so much ahead of you - have fun with you, and then boys will want to, too. Ix

Your commentary on cocaine use is laudable. I appreciate your lamentation about cocaine use being the social lubricant of choice. You are right about the nose candy freaks' inability to conduct conversation - let alone intimacy. Kudos to your well written article. Dr. T, 51, Central coast, California, USA
Many thanks for taking the time to write... it's so sad it's such an international problem. I.

I read your article today in The Mail, and for a start, it's the same for some blokes you know... not all of us are cocaine users, even though I would say 98% of my male friends do it, I would also like to add that about 85% of my female friends do it too, and even my ex - who I went out with for 4 years, started taking it when we split up, having been totally against it, and seen what it did to her brothers!... Maybe that was the effect I had on her tho!... Regardless, it's nice to hear that you and a few others are the final bastion in anti- drug taking women. I respect that, and appreciate that you wrote about it. Good day to you. A Alex B, 28, London
Alex, completely appreciate your perspective - I know of far too many women who do 'dinner off the mirror' too; was asked to write the piece from a female point of view, but the male is obviously just as valid. Many thanks for taking the time to write. All best, Imogen

Hey, just read your article in the Daily Mail on how you won't date cocaine users... I have made exactly the same decision and find it equally difficult, as does my sister who is 24. We are both intelligent, hopefully quite attractive girls who are up for a good time, but the reality of the amount of coke users is absurd. Well done you for bringing this to light, there are many people that do feel like yourself. People look at me like I'm mad for saying I won't date a guy who does, but why not? That's my decision and I'd rather not deal with that issue on top of the many issues we experience in relationships! I shall now be definitely buying your single girl's guide. xx amy, 20, Brighton
Amy, thank you so much for your lovely message - such feedback makes everything worthwhile. Hope you and your sister meet the amazing men that you obviously both clearly deserve, and enjoy your SG time in the meantime. Stay strong! Ix

My husband passed on ten years ago and I have not remarried mainly by choice. Having been married until death did us part has me scared and I don't want to do that again until I know that I know that it is right - and so far none have been. My problem isn't with being single it is with my family. Every time I have a new beau they keep saying 'when are you getting married again?'. I am so tired of it. Truthfully I don't want to hurt anybody but I need advice on how to handle this. Denise, 37, Okahoma USA
Denise, thank you for your message. Firstly, I am so sorry about your loss. Your careful approach now is to be much commended. With your family - it sounds like they're being typically tricky to the SG. Part of the reason for their actions is that they just want you to be happy - and think that remarrying will make you that way. I would suggest sitting them down, and telling them straight - you are not ruling marriage in or out, but if you do do it, it will be with the right person. Be honest - say that their pressure every time you date someone new is making you unhappy; that you are enjoying life as an SG, you're out there, and if they need to start writing the wedding speeches you will be the first to let them know.

My boyfriend who i really liked recently broke up with me, he said it was because of the silly arguments we kept having, when i asked him to try again he said he just didn't think it would work and he didn't want to be with me. I'm totally heart broken. How do i get over him with out going to the efforts of finding a new man? Tasha, 19, London
Tasha, first of all - I'm so sorry, I know how horrible break ups can be. You're absolutely right though, no need to get together with someone else right away, best to concentrate on getting over the last one, which you can definitely do just by enjoying being single. Your life now gets to be all about you. Focus on work, making sure you're happy with what you're doing in the day, and if not, having a think about what would, and how to get there. Treat yourself - paint your nails, spend hours getting ready without a man complaining you're taking too long, then go and spend the time with your friends in the places you want to. You don't have to compromise with what he wants anymore... Lots more tips in the book (!! ;) ), but seriously it will get better soon. xx

Thank you so much for appearing on Five Live tonight Imogen. You were fantastic.... Best of luck with everything. XXX Myffy Myfanwy, 24, Manchester
Thank you so much for letting me on the show...! Had fun feisty time with Steven..!?! Ix

I am a 'victim' of someone who is all text and no trousers, and have been for the past 2 years. I only saw him twice! He stopped texting for 6 months last year but started up again on xmas day. He sent a mesage at 8.45am in xmas morning wishing me a happy xmas and he still texts. His messages all end up him saying we must catch up soon, but it never happens. He is 35 and to my knowledge not married and no kids, his main hobbies are gambling, golf and drinking. I am seriously thinking of changing my number. But what I want to know is why do the all text and trousers types A) keep texting? what does he get from it? B) what should I do about it? Is there an etiquette in telling them to shove off? Do I give him an ultimatium like see me or don't text me again? Im stuck ! Advice would be useful please. Thank you. LH, 27, London
This is beyond doubt the worst case of 'All Text No Trousers' I've ever come across. Men are extraordinary. Next time he texts, I suggest texting the following back: 'real men, call.' If he calls, then fine. If he texts, don't respond. Problem solved. (?) Do let me know how you get on!!!

Fabulous book - thank you. Kiran, 26, London
So lovely - thank you!

What do you think about this website? sally, 23, london
It's very pink. Probably more relevant, what do you think?

Hello Imogen- Just wanted to let you know that finding your book in my mailbox was a welcome surprise. The massacre at Virginia Tech is all anyone can discuss and hear on the radio/news, being that so many families are affiliated with the school here. I turned off my phone, turned off the TV and radio, and read your book. It was a very welcome respite from the nonstop horrific news here. It arrived at a time when I needed to laugh and be reminded once again of what is truly important. Anyway...thanks again. Jennifer, 29, Virginia, USA
Jennifer, thank you so much for your message. What happened in Virginia is very much at the forefront of everyone's minds in the UK and we're all thinking of you. So pleased that the book provided a little light relief at such a dark time. Ix

Non-sarcastic question: Any chance you can write a book called "The Single Guy's Guide"? Regards Francisco, 32, London
Hello... the last 3 chapters of this one written for boys too as got my platonic boyfriends to dish the dirt, but a Single Guy's Guide might well be fun to do...

Can you give me any good internet dating sites. I know was mentioned in the Inde on Sunday...but I threw it away!! moyra kerr, 52, Uk
Hello, pleased you enjoyed the Inde piece, the article can be found at http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article2449894.ece. You don't need me to tell you but keep safe with Internet dating, always utilise a wingman AND much radio contact if anything turns into a reality... Good Luck! Ix

I loved the book but would still like to know how you cope if the exboyfriend whom i still work with starts dating another girl at work? (moving jobs is currently not an option) Beth, 26, yorkshire
OK, you are admittedly having a bit of a shocker - but here's the good news. Because you have to see the ex and his exploits you're going to work through how you feel about him all the quicker. You're not going to put him up on a pedestal as some model of perfection - you will be reminded on a daily basis that he is not. At work, try not to ever let them see you cry. Instead spend an extra 5 or so minutes getting ready every morning, go in with your head held high - and ostensibly rise above it. Find a genuine girlfriend to fall apart on in your hour of need, but to your work colleagues (and the ex boy) you should just be seen to be enjoying being fabulously free. A part of them will be jealous of you the functional SG, and somewhere along the way, you'll fall over someone who's worth falling for... Hang on in there, it's horrible now, but it will get better... xx

Hi Imogen There's a guy in my course who even though he denies that he feels anything for me is always criticizing my love life. I am attracted to him but he's always pissing me off up to the point that we end up fighting really badly. Then to make matters worse, his friends are always teasing him about this and even his mother in front of me!!! HELP!!! Btw I think your book is the book of the year!!!! Confused Chick Confused Chick, 23, Malta
Thank you so much about the book... can't tell you how much it means to me! I suspect this platonic boyfriend definitely wants it to reach distraction status... First of all, I know it's hard, but don't rise to the bait - men hate to be ignored and if they are they normally begin to play ball. Simply tell him to either come up with a list of suggestions of men he'd approve for you to date - and if he can't be constructive to shut up. This should be followed by a carefully aimed comment about the state of his (lack of)love life. If he continues to tease you just declare to everyone in earshot every time he does that he can only be doing it because he's madly in love with you and laugh it off. If he's a real man he will either get his act together and ask you out properly, and if he's not, you the SG will find someone who knows how to behave...

My X girlfriend is writing a book about her sex life. Should I be worried that personal secrets will be revealed? Mr X, 30, London
Oh yes, worry away. Have we met perchance?

My ex boyfriend’s getting married, do I go? Anne, 32, New York
Consult your Genuine Girlfriends, and if they think it’s good closure for you to attend, and you feel so too, go, but make sure you are attired in an outfit that makes you feel fabulous. Any sane bank manager will understand your need for new shoes….

How do I impress a girl? Simon, 27, Dublin
Don’t jump on her, instead put her in a licensed cabbage home and hand enough money to the driver to more than cover his fare and tip. Such gallant behaviour will almost always guarantee you a second date and a chance for a kiss.

I can’t cook, where should I go to learn? Helen, 23, Birmingham
Don’t bother, with house prices as they are your oven is precious shoe storage space.

How do I stop calling my ex-boyfriend? Shelley, 25, Chichester
Change his name on your phone to the reason why you no longer want to date him, e.g. ‘small penis’. Then, every time you go to text or call him you are reminded why you SO don’t want to dial.

What’s now deemed the socially acceptable bikini line? Tanya, 26, London
It’s up to you, and no bitchy beautician – or male distraction - should dictate otherwise. If any man you’re kissing decides to comment you need more off, then fine – you are entitled to demand he has a back wax - fair's fair in love and ingrown hairs. Kathy Lette, trailblazer that she is, is a proponent of the school of thought taking root – in every sense – that forget the Brazilian (subsequent lack of hair apparently reduces your ability to secrete pheromones – the chemicals that attract men) it’s now all about ‘Bring Back Bush’. (Note this is the only socially acceptable time to be saying such a thing). Of course if the gorilla look is not you, then groom to your heart’s content, although pubic art is somewhat freaky.

How do I go to a party without a ‘plus one’? Daisy, 22, Cornwall
If you’re not allowed to bring a wingman, wear a killer, but comfortable outfit. On arrival, do a circuit of the room to identify exits and likely bathroom waiting times, then position yourself by the kitchens. The party can be P Diddy or student style but you will always meet the best people where the food and drink hits the main room first.

How do I go to job interviews whilst in my old job? Charlotte, 25, Newcastle
Claim you have an urgent appointment with Dr Bunbury.

I’m NFI. How do I get FI? Caroline, 29, York
Pause, consider why you’re NFI, and if it’s for no good reason then in all ‘innocence’ invite the host or hostess out that same night – hopefully they’ll include you in their plans.

I really fancy this guy and he keeps texting but we never meet up. What’s going on? Sybil, 45, Glasgow
He’s all text, no trousers, and you now just need to forget the little Clit Teaser, and move on. Real men who are really interested will find a way to make the exchange of bodily fluids a possibility.

My boss gives me a hard time for being single, how do I get her to stop? Diane, 33, Newbury
Tell her you don’t compromise on second best - which is why you make a great employee… and why you’ve every right to be single. Then ignore her. If she’s not getting any reaction to fan the flames of the inquisition, it will die down.

I’m 35, should I freeze my eggs? Kirsty, 35, New York
Yes, a sensible precaution if your choice of man resembles mine.

How do I find a good waxer? Alice, 32, London
Ask your Gay Best Friend. Your GBF will be much hairier and that much more of a wimp with pain than you so will have their name and number on speed-dial. Alternatively try the SG directory on this website.

My little sister’s getting married, I’ve just been ditched and I don’t want to be a big bridesmaid. Felicity, 28, Cambridge
Tell Bridezilla that you love her but being dressed in bronze (she’ll inevitably pick gold’s poorer relation for fear you’ll look better than her on her big day) is all too much for your shattered heart. Instead, offer to do a reading and suggest a random female relative under the age of 10 for duties of the train bearing, frilly dress wearing, ilk.

How do I leave a nonchalant voicemail? Maya, 27, Dorset
Even the coolest SGs can get flustered, and since calling, like barbecuing, is one of the few jobs left on earth for males, leave it to him. If it’s vital you dial, then don’t bother leaving a voicemail – he can see ‘missed calls’ and you can always text him your message anyway.

I don't approve of the person my friend's got engaged to, what do I do? Rob, 28, Liverpool
Say ‘well done’ – Machiavellian in its meaning as it certainly isn’t the same thing as ‘congratulations’.