THE 21st CENTURY SINGLE GIRL HAS HER OWN GLOSSARY OF TERMS….

AG: Attached Girl.

All text no trousers: Phrase used to describe a man who manages to text on a regular basis suggesting you should meet up, but never actually comes up with a date (see also Clit Teaser).

AS: Accidental Sex, an SG’s version of the one-night stand. Only in exceptional circumstances will an SG have a premeditated intention for an encounter to unfold in so unclothed a way as it did, or be under the impression there will be no repeat performances.

Big Duvet: Time spent in one’s own abode under one’s very own duvet.

BF: Best Friend. Even more precious to you than your shoe collection.

Bunbury: From Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest; an imaginary friend with a very real role in getting an SG out of things she would rather not do.

Cabbage: A cab/taxi; somewhere the in-demand SG aims to spend a significant proportion of her time, for then her heels can be high AND she has a chance of making almost all her engagements (see also Little Black Bus).

Clit Teaser: An Object/Distraction who flirts, but does not follow through.

CL: Conversation List. A thought process or written list prepared for any type of discussion, with a number of questions for you to ask and replies to enquiries likely to be aimed in your direction.

Distraction: A male (or even female) an SG has her eye on for non-platonic affairs (see also Object).

Do dinner off the mirror (verb): To eschew food for hoovering cocaine.

EXploitation: Exploitation of skills, knowledge or items obtained from your ex-boyfriends to improve your lifestyle.

GBF: Gay Best Friend.

Genuine Girlfriend: A female friend whom an SG can confide in with complete confidence and who absolutely always abides by the ‘girl’s code’ of behaviour, never kissing any of said SG’s exes.

Girl Playmate: A female friend who is fantastic to have fun with, but is not necessarily a suitable person to divulge your deepest, darkest secrets to.

Hoover (verb): To snort cocaine.

Horrorscopes: Horoscopes. To be consulted sparingly and with a spoonful of salt.

iPod Icebreaker: A textbook conversation-creating tactic, where a person asks another what the most embarrassing song on his/her iPod is, then reveals theirs.

In harm’s way: To put yourself in with a chance of attaining something you desire, most often a new Distraction/Object or job.

Joiner: A sanctimonious soul who enjoys organised group activities. If said activities take place outside, Joiners will be keen they go ahead whatever the weather.

Kiss (verb): A euphemism which covers all exchange of bodily fluids between an SG and a Distraction/Object, i.e. anything from literally just kissing someone to full-blown sex.

Kiss and cuddle (verb): Full-blown sex.

Little Black Bus: A taxicab, also known as Cabbage. SG prefers to large red variety since she then does not have to trek too far in stilettos.

Metrosexual: A male who spends a vast proportion of his disposable income on his grooming and lifestyle.

NFI (verb): To Not F**king Invite someone to an event; the aim of the game is to be FI'd as much as possible.

Object: As in Object of Affection; a male (or female) an SG has her eye on for non-platonic affairs (see also Distraction).

Platonic Boyfriend: A male friend of the SG whom she does not kiss; the ‘Boy’ version of the Girl Playmate.

PMDL: A Promise Much, Deliver Little boy. PMDLs are a selection of scoundrels who bruise egos or even break hearts.

Pre-bound (verb): To find a new job/relationship before ditching the old one.

Pull the ripcord (verb): To decide it is time to exit a gathering. The ripcord may occasionally have to be pulled for you by your Wingman if you have been the life and soul of the party a little too long and have suddenly come over all emotional.

Radio Contact: Contact with friends via mobile phone.

Retrosexual: A male who spends the smallest proportion possible of his disposable income on grooming and lifestyle, preferring the caveman approach.

SG: The Single Girl, our heroine.

S&MBF: Straight and Male Best Friend.

Social Hand Grenade: A person who will cause chaos whatever the social setting. Best for an SG not to select as a Wingman, unless she is mischief making.

Squeaky: A small, stupid female who is a man’s woman, rather than a girly girl. Will blank an SG if they have a Distraction they can flirt with in the vicinity.

Wingman: The person from an SG’s friends whom she chooses to accompany her on events/nights out etc. Identity will alter depending on function.